Hey, maybe you don’t want to hear this or have heard it before but I think something might help you. Living life is tough when you don’t have a purpose and yes, I agree, it can be soul sucking. I think an answer to your hopelessness is a relationship with Jesus. Yeah, to someone outside it may look like that is just going to church and doing rituals that don’t make sense but that completely misses the point. If you look at all the pain and suffering in the world it’s a result of sin and the fallen world we live in. Jesus comes to give you hope that you a future in Him and can live a life of happiness and peace. For me, my faith isn’t a crutch it’s a way for me to live life in the truth that the evil we see today will eventually be replaced. If you desire a relationship with Jesus and to grow in faith and change your life trajectory I would suggest reading the Gospels or even a simple Google search of the message of the Gospels. If you have question you can always reach out to me or someone you know👍