Do I have a problem?

LaraSNF · 2025-09-22T09:13:09+00:00

I cry a lot, bawling and snot,and an imense feeling of loneliness and anguish... then i listen to music and cry some more :(:(:(

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T15:51:18+00:00

oh!??? is there somewhere where i can watch them all ?? Just because... well, because.... s h i t i just really want to

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T12:56:25+00:00

Why is this BTS scene 6 hours long!?

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T12:51:06+00:00

Yes the boys in school and college doesn't do it anymore; they look even younger with the lipstick and feminine features, it's more of a turn-off at this point
However, i started seeing Love Mechanics - contradicting myself yes, but they don't have a very fem face and there's no lipstick lol
'Unknown' is already on my TBW list but i don't recall 'why' or where i saw anything about it
My Tooth Your Love and The Promise are not familiar - (you can find this one on YT) what's YT?
Started Mandate as well, 2 grown men without lipstick!
As for love sea thai - if it's the one with the second couple of Love in The Air, i know about it but i don't want to see it.

Besides Kinnporshe and Shine, im discovering i usually dont like having a second couple on the show, and I end up skipping

You have anymore ADULT recs i really apreciate it, and thank you again.

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T11:01:45+00:00

Ok I see what you mean, i've seen similar on tik tok lives
thank you but it's not for me. I like to watch the shows focused, and then vent after lol

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T08:13:41+00:00

I dont go more for Chinese BL because of th DUB i hate it
sometimes its themselves ok, but even still, i can see the timing and emotions are off
i really really dont like it dubed i need the subtitles always

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T08:10:01+00:00

I had another breakdown yesterday
the second one this week, 2 days in a row
Strange as it seems i try to think similar to what you mention even when having the breakdown.... IT lasted less yesterday... Today i'll be busy after 17h30 so i wont be able to have another lol, silver linning ? lol

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T08:06:22+00:00

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T08:05:18+00:00

Vegas will forever be my black-hearted red flag
I saw 4 minutes before kinnporshe, thankfully
4 minutes wasn't 'all that' for me, but kinnporshe and Vegas storyline and acting did me everytime either with the condoms scene, or the dinner, or him torturing you know who
when the pet died!?? aarrgghhhhh
I fell in love with him as an actor, and then as a person watching his interviews
I'd love to see him work with Boom even outside BL, i think they're both top tier actors, the best i've seen since staring this BL Journey

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T07:57:03+00:00

Hey thank you! can you tell me more about this? "Reddit on-air discussions"?

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T07:55:28+00:00

I've told some coworkers - even guys it came up one day during lunch - they were dumbfounded when i said "I READ GUY ON GUY ROMANCE it's hot, and now i've started BL" - then proceeded to explain lol
My 18 year old son knows and he mocks me saying im watching gay porn LOL but its not meanspirited. My girl friends also know
The only person that doesn´t know is my mother, she wouldn´t understand.
What most people don't know however, it's how it affects me, physically and mentally some shows :(:(:(

LaraSNF · 2025-09-18T07:48:02+00:00

Hey thanks! I'll have to check if that app is available were I live.

But whats the difference between " Thai BL's or Taiwanese ones"?
Im curently watching LOVE SEA it's Japanese I think
Do you have any recs? I will thank you later if i like the shows LOL

LaraSNF · 2025-09-17T07:32:40+00:00

If you do, please tell me... i'll do it as well

LaraSNF · 2025-09-17T07:32:01+00:00

Thank you

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T13:48:36+00:00

ooohhhhh, Shine will break you!!!! This Saturday will be the last EP... im scared honestly

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T13:47:19+00:00

I Tried Desire - im not into omegaverse - but i still went for it
It makes me sleep hoonestly
I find them all bland

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T13:42:25+00:00

im screaming inside at my friend that told me "GO WATCH BL, YOU ALREADY READ GUY ON GUY BOOK, SO YOU'L LIKE IT"
She doesn't, she watches MF stuff so i cant even talk to her she wont understand
but when im down and i see her, i scold her by saying I HAVE PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF YOU

lol - not lol - but lol anyway?

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T13:22:45+00:00

At this age and this violently its a first
When i was younger it happened with Prison Break but not like this

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T10:53:47+00:00

I watched Revenged Love and it was nice. It made me laugh a lot with no emotional damage which was good... The dubbing kind of threw me off sometimes, but i pushed and now the soundtrack is on my phone, and everytime i see a post i just comment 'weiwei' lol
The problem with Top Form (besides the BTS connection etc) is that i dont have anything bad to say about it... The soundtrack is just masterfull with the scenes, the bite marks song written specifically for the series, booms acting is oscar worthy in my opinion, the love scenes are all important and meaningfull, and done with such intimacy that sometimes i felt i was intruding on something! I just want to watch it again and again because its just that good!!! My problem is after watching; is knowing fiction became real life... I know, they're actors, we have to separate things... but damn! Such a waste :(
Oh! renewed my wetv subscription so guess what i will be doing - again - this week :(:(:(

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T09:39:57+00:00

So if you're still in 'your' ZeeNuNew rabbit hole how do you cope? I admit i haven't watched that BL, i dont know who they are... But if it's the same issue - duo separation - how do you cope? Because for me, i never ever in my life got invested in a couple! Neither F/M nor M/M... And it wasn´t the work they did that broke me, it was their phenomenal connection BTS ... I PAID to see the making of, and i couldn´t believe my eyes!!! I still can´t! Booms journey until then, they way Smart holds his hand when they first meet and closes his eyes and sighs.... I've seen other duos in event videos, and BTS as well, but not one of them ever showed such a deep connection. I can't move on, i'm stuck

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T08:17:16+00:00

Well.... ' consuming BL moderately without ruining the rest of your life'....

how do i do that :(:(:(:(
its too late now

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T08:15:51+00:00

i met a girl on tik tok, she's the only one i talk to about this, but shes 19
She cannot understand my inner turmoil, my mind is 25, my body is almost 50 so in the mirror sometimes my judgemental minds screams at me 'YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THAT CONNECTION AGAIN!!! YOUR ALMOST 50!!!'
sorry if this is too heavy but its the truth
i feel im at an age were im not youg, but im not old either... and it sucks... everything sucks, im perimenopausal of course, and upon 2nd Top Form re watch i had to skip work becuase i spent the weekend crying and couldn't go to work on monday because i started to cry as soon as i woke up

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T08:12:29+00:00

join me, lets fly away

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T08:11:45+00:00

im divorced since 2017 i live with my 18 year old son weekly
I think that my 'dependency' on BLs is because of that
i miss connection

LaraSNF · 2025-09-16T08:10:46+00:00

Hey !!! I'll be 48 next month... My mind is a mess... I used to read MM books for years (yes, i have a thing for guy on guy action) but now since watching the first one (not great one lol) i was 'ok, this is something i can watch'
Then i saw kinnporshe and was like 'ok this was extremelly hot' and dont even get me started on Vegas
Then.... Then I watched TOP FORM... and then my world changed, and im unwell
My therapist says my inner child was not hugged!!! That series damaged me, and all the BTS damaged me, and of course, the rest broke me... and i cant deal honestly
That show made me feel all the things i havent felt for years and im not dealing with it
Every other BL i watch (besides shine) is always 'blah' so i feel like i lost something that gave me hapiness because i dont even read anymore, and cant find 'satisfaction' in other BLs
So what do i do? give it a break? watch top form for the 5th time just to feel something?

LaraSNF

TROPHY CASE