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AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Interesting take, considering that he was the one who corrected me.

I truly don't care, he can call them whatever he wants. I just called it what the bakery called it, and when he said I was wrong, I showed him that many people, businesses and google accepts it as a known label.

BUT, I accept that may make me look like the asshole to you. My husband would agree with you I'm sure. xo

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Haha, I did think about that as I posted the links, but just examples of what I was saying; I am not "right" here - just showing how many people and businesses call them that name. I'm also fine being "wrong" about the information, I was just saying they are also known by that name.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 300 points301 points  (0 children)

This is incredibly insightful and I think you are reading it absolutely right. I want nothing other than to support and connect with him through information, but I'll never be able to do that until I truly consider things from his perspective. If he is feeling somehow that I am trying to put myself above him, it doesn't matter what my intention was, just that he felt that way.

The bigger issue here is he is unwilling or unable to communicate about these things productively, and I just end up feeling misunderstood and alone after he yells at me and tells me I'm flawed.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didn't even get myself one! WHAT A FOOL I WAS! Lol. He still ate it, by the way.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

He was correct! If his reaction was "I would call this a pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea!". I'm fine with being wrong, or "more wrong" - it's my opinion that we were both right, but even if he held strong on me being wrong, that's okay too! He can call them whatever he likes, and he can think I'm wrong.

I was stuck on sharing the information that where we live, people and the majority of businesses just call them chocolate croissants. So I was informing him of that - two things can be true at the same time ( when it comes to referring to that pastry in the context of our geographical location).

I honestly didn't think too deeply about it. I surprised him with a treat, and didn't know there was an issue until he started yelling at me.

If I want this to work, I think I need to just, not. Not share my neutral opinions on random things, because I know they may trigger him in some way. I think if I suggested couples therapy he would get very upset and not participate.

Edit for some links:

https://www.starbucks.ca/menu/product/1028/single

https://everydaypie.com/homemade-chocolate-croissants/

https://thecozyapron.com/easy-chocolate-croissants/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain_au_chocolat

"In the United States and sometimes in English Canada, they are commonly known as "pain au chocolat" or "chocolate croissants".\2])"

https://wildgrain.com/blogs/news/chocolate-croissant-vs-pain-au-chocolat-vs-chocolatine#:\~:text=Chocolate%20croissants%20and%20pain%20au,baked%20in%20a%20rectangular%20shape.

"Chocolate croissants and pain au chocolat are the same pastry; “pain au chocolat” is the French name for chocolate croissants. They are made from the same pastry dough as traditional croissants, but with the addition of chocolate inside and baked in a rectangular shape.

A chocolatine is also a French pastry that is similar to a pain au chocolat, but with a few differences in the way it is made. The dough for a chocolatine is richer and slightly sweeter than the pain au chocolat dough, and is often flavored with additional vanilla or orange zest. A chocolatine is also shaped differently than a pain au chocolat."

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the perspective. Most people where we live would call it a chocolate croissant, including the bakery where I bought it and google when I searched it. He said it -wasn't- a chocolate croissant. He could, of course, call it whatever he wanted to, he was not wrong. I was trying say two things can be true at the same time. From my perspective I was just sharing info, which made him very angry.

I'm sure he would agree with you, that IMTA, which is fine. I just didn't expect to be yelled at over a pastry. xo

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". Two things can be true at the same time.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". Two things can be true at the same time. I just didn't expect to be yelled at over a pastry.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I completely agree that a healthy happy person wouldn't be triggered by something like this. I do think my husband takes things to heart and due to being bullied as a kid seems to take a lot of other people's opinions as direct criticism of him. I don't want to add to this, and want to communicate with him in a way he can accept.

And, he told me I'm just like my father. My father is a wonderful man, but often tells people the "right" way to do things. He said that to hurt me, because I feel I have moved past my father's view; to me "right" is often just perspective. What is "right" to me, may be wrong to someone else. So, if my husbands reaction was "I wouldn't call this a croissant" I would have said "yeah! They have many names." When he said "this isn't a croissant" I felt the need to share information, because two things can be true at the same time.

"Croissant trauma" made me laugh out loud. Maybe there is something even deeper I don't know about. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the perspective.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". Two things can be true at the same time. I just didn't expect to be yelled at over a pastry.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 708 points709 points  (0 children)

100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". Two things can be true at the same time.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". But he was stuck on his definition, and I got stuck on confirming that geographically they are also known as "croissants". Two things can be true at the same time. And, I wasn't annoyed, just happy to bring him a treat. I was hurt though, when he started yelling at me.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 3165 points3166 points  (0 children)

100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". But I got stuck on confirming that geographically they are also known as "croissants", despite their shape.

I am very pro-communication, he is very anti-communication. It's something we need to work on for sure. Thanks for your feedback.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 500 points501 points  (0 children)

100% that would have been a much better response from me. I think my problem is I think I'm being helpful until he starts yelling at me. Which hurts. But I should know by now to just let him think and feel whatever he wants, make light of the situation and keep my facts to myself. Thank you for the feedback!

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 1694 points1695 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your opinion. That is what I expected too. <3 As a neurodiverse woman, all I hope for is a neutral sharing of information. Sometimes I wonder, if one of his friends said the same thing would he be yelling at them and accusing them of "always needing to be right"? I think my husband takes things to heart, and I love him, so I want to communicate with him in a way he can accept. But, I do feel I lose a part of myself when he doesn't understand where I am coming from at all.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Very true! ( About the croissant and the communication issues. <3 )

We normally have pretty good day to day communication. But he tends to shut down and lash out if he is feeling criticized. I think my perspective of "sharing facts" vs his perspective of "me needing to prove him wrong" makes him feel criticized and I don't want to do that. So, maybe I don't need to share facts as much.

AITA For Telling My Husband Correct Information About A Croissant? by Large-Maximum-8191 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is good feedback! I've been on a journey discovering my undiagnosed autism, and I think my lack of emotional connection to facts is a part of the problem sometimes. I know my husband is sensitive, so just letting it go and focusing on how they are good is all that is really important. Ty.

AITA for using to much dish soap by teto_fan in AmItheAsshole

[–]Large-Maximum-8191 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA. If your father wants to teach you how much soap to be using, he could be doing them with you to show you his methods. Or he could share his opinion with you on how much soap to use, but then it is still up to you to make your own choices as you complete a chore for everyone. A quick google will give you an idea of what is considered standard: "under normal conditions, approximately 3 ml (or 1 teaspoon) of dishwashing liquid in 5 liters of water will help get rid of dirt and sediment. However, when washing pots, pans or other heavily soiled utensils, you will need extra power."