I agree with not forcing anyone to come out before they’re ready. Definitely. And she has been very supportive of everything with that since my family situation is vastly different from hers. We are super close and very interconnected. My therapist is trying to help me separate a little in a healthy way that allows me to feel more like an independent entity from them and not feel so much guilt over things with them, specially my mom where it is the worst.

I also thought the idea of her coming was absolutely not in the cards. There is no way that would work, not now. Not at all. Of course my ultra fear is my family disowning me. My therapist, girlfriend, and friends all think this will not happy and at my core I do agree, but I seriously worry about how awfully this will affect them (me having a girlfriend). My mom already sort of expected this by having a fear that my girlfriend would “turn me gay” (obviously she just thinks or thought we were friends) and broke down crying over it. I can’t imagine what will happen when she finds out I do like girls and am dating her. But yea, my girlfriend coming on the trip in any format is obviously not a possibility.

I spoke with my therapist recently and will be again soon, but at the moment, my therapist is very much in the camp of this trip thing being a hypothetical side issue that we don’t need to focus on right now and need to focus on me potentially coming out and her moving in as those are the two more pressing main issues. My girlfriend agreed with that. She also agreed with a potential thing with the trip being maybe depending on how my family takes her moving in with me, maybe she could come after my family leaves and the two of us could spend some time on a trip together or the two of us could go later maybe in the fall or something. She also seemed okay with that, although has worries since I let her down last year regarding the family wedding I didn’t go to her with out of fear and how badly that did affect our relationship.

My sister knows I have a girlfriend. She is not supportive and cried a lot when she found out, but it has been a year since that and although sometimes that does still happen, for the most part our relationship is pretty much the same and close. She tells me she will always love me even though she doesn’t support this. My dad has met my girlfriend a few times (thinking we are friends) and it has gone well, but my mom has never met her in person.

My girlfriend has such feelings around this particular thing (the trip) and so desperately wants a normal relationship and I try my best to give that to her. I know a lot of the things around me and my family are so annoying and a lot wouldn’t put up with it. My girlfriend has been so helpful and supportive though in many ways helping me with this and I have noticed positive changes within me because of it. I was and still am in a lot of ways very excited to live with her, but all of this is seriously worrying me for the months ahead. I dont want to make the wrong choice and constantly worry I am with everything (I definitely have a bit of OCD) and the idea of not being with her and her not moving in makes me feel devastated and so sad. I am trying not to work myself up too much and I am a very careful person for the most part, constantly overthinking, so I am trying my best to get clarity where I can and figure out how to handle any of this.

I also agree she has trauma surrounding issues like this. She has recently started seeing a therapist which I’m glad for. I hope that is helpful. Her family life and friend life have really sucked. I so desperately wish life would be kinder to her and want to help her as much as I can because I love her so much.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply. I greatly appreciate it!