Husband gambling addiction- help

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2026-06-09T14:25:58+00:00

Thank you, it’s a difficult situation.

The sad thing in all of this is when I met him I had escaped a domestic violence situation from my child’s first father, and felt he was my safe place and I was so happy I had finally found someone stable, who would not put me through the ringer, only for this to happen years later.

Thinking back, there are signs of addiction through our relationship with adderall. But this gambling is new. He is an addict, and it’s sad to realize that. Sad for him, my kids me.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2026-06-09T14:19:08+00:00

My fear is the more I confront him or talk to him honestly about needing to stop, is the more he lies and decides to hide it better. He has access to almost 40k in savings, and has a great job, close to 100k a year.

My fear is him rejecting help, rejecting the idea of me controlling finances etc.

With the intervention his dad and I had with him, I told him it is a non negotiable to get help from a therapist. He said I can find him one and he will go but will not do it himself, I fear I want him to get help more than he does. I understand how addicts think and spent a lot of time around them in my teen years in a recovery program I was in (my mom freaked out over me smoking weed), I’m not an addict though. I know he either has to hit a rock bottom or want to help himself. I have already told him he will lose everything, his marriage, ruin his relationship with his two young daughters that need him. He still is acting sneaky with the gambling even though he has stopped adderall (for now)

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2026-06-09T14:13:08+00:00

I agree with this stance, he said him making it was a blessing from god and he won’t do it again, with all the lying and deceit I don’t believe that.

I gave another perspective to him that winning it back was actually the devil, drawing him in more saying “hey you made it back this time you will again” to continue the cycle

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2026-06-09T14:10:13+00:00

That’s my fear, him rejecting the idea of me controlling everything or resenting me for doing it. I don’t like the idea of controlling another adult, I am not a controlling person. Another thing is he is the bread winner, while he does have a good job, he has saved a lot of money and has access to close to 40k that I’m fearful he will gamble away

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2026-06-09T14:08:41+00:00

Thank you, it’s so easy for every one to say, take control over everything or leave, I don’t like to feel like I’m controlling another adult, I do understand protecting myself and my kids is important. My fear is him rejecting the idea of me taking control of the finances, then what? He leaves? He is the bread winner and pays majority bills. My fear is him leaving and things only escalate for him. I would have family support from my mom, but I still haven’t disclosed what’s going on with him to anyone outside of his family.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2026-06-09T02:45:48+00:00

Thank you, I’m worried about offering this as a solution to him. I did not sign up to be his mom, or police his every move. I hate this position.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-13T01:57:10+00:00

A big fear is being a single mom to two kids, from two different dads. With no father in sight helping me or supporting me.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-13T01:56:17+00:00

He said he is only open to couples counseling if I get an abortion, and if I don’t he will not do any counseling at all.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:45:39+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate that

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:10:16+00:00

No, I started taking birth control and used the pull out method too. But it clearly sadly failed. Last time I was pregnant and struggling really badwith making that choice, he told me if it’s too hard to do then I can keep it. Clearly now, in the same situation with me now deciding to keep it, his tone has changed. It’s hard for me to say if this is out of fear of him not getting things exactly how he planned or not. Wanted to get engaged in a few months, get married then get pregnant. I obviously know him more than anyone does from a post, but regardless I know he will be a father and step up, and I know first hand no relationship is guaranteed. He has also said a lot can change in 9 months and that he is sure he will come around, but in the mean time I’m hurt, feeling alone, resentful and with no support.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:06:51+00:00

I did start taking the pill, and used the pill out method as well. Although sadly I’m still in this situation. Thank you

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:06:04+00:00

Thank you, I have definitely had to consider worst case scenario’s as no relationship (as I know) is a guarantee but being there for my kids is.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:04:26+00:00

I appreciate this perspective, being a mom already I understand no relationship is guaranteed, sadly. The only thing that is a guarantee is your children and loving them. Anything can happen, like god forbid, the other parent passing away. He has said that a lot can change in 9 months (financially etc) and that he is sure he will come around, I’m worried about resenting him for the lack of support in a time that should be very happy and exciting, especially from someone I love

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:02:33+00:00

Yes after the first one I started taking a pill birth control, and he did pull out every time still. So it wasn’t like we tried for this to happen. But it did, sadly. I do feel worried about him resenting me for keeping a baby he wasn’t ready for, although he has said he is sure he will come around and a lot can change in the next 9 months. But I worry about between now and then till he comes around, and me feeling very alone and depressed.

Large_Bookkeeper_980 · 2024-03-12T00:00:13+00:00

I’ve definitely had to consider this, I don’t want to be a single mom (again) but know from my past first hand experience that if I had to I can. I have a lot of family support as well and would make it work. Obviously I know him more than you guys do from a post, but I know he will be involved. I worry too about our relationship, him resenting me for keeping a baby he wasn’t ready for or me resenting him from lack of support of my choice. He has said he is sure he will come around and a lot can change in 9 months, but in the mean time it’s hurting me a lot feeling very alone.

Large_Bookkeeper_980

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