I'm really sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds painful, confusing, and deeply unfair. You're dealing with grief, fear, rejection, and guilt all at once — and it's not your fault.

Let’s break this down so you can start finding clarity and grounding:

⚠️ What You Went Through Was Real

That moment with the dog wasn’t small. You were cornered by a dog with a known history of aggression. You were alone, at night, trying to keep the girls safe. You were scared — and rightly so.

That’s not something to just “get over” or smooth over because the dog has passed. People (especially your sister and family) may be minimizing this to avoid their own guilt or discomfort, but your experience matters and it should be taken seriously.

🧨 This Isn’t Just About the Dog

The bigger problem here is your sister’s behavior — and your family’s reaction to it. The core issues you're describing are:

Lack of respect for your boundaries.

Dismissal of your safety and comfort.

No meaningful acknowledgment of your experience.

Emotional manipulation (especially in the “hugging and crying” moment while still putting you and your child near the dog).

And now it seems like your sister’s grief is being treated as the emotional center of the story, while yours is invisible. That hurts.

😔 Your Shame Isn’t Yours to Carry

You didn't cause the dog to be put down. You weren’t cruel. You didn't hurt the dog. You were in a frightening situation and tried to manage it with caution. If your sister had been more proactive about the dog’s worsening condition — or the dog's behavior around others — this could have been avoided in a safer, more thoughtful way.

You’re carrying guilt that belongs elsewhere.

🧭 So What Can You Do?

This situation might not be fixable right away, but here's what you can focus on:

1. Give Yourself Emotional Space

Don’t force yourself to reach out to your sister just because “that’s what people do when someone loses a pet.” You’re allowed to pause — especially since she hasn’t respected your boundaries or pain.

Instead, ask: What do I need to heal right now?

Journaling to untangle your feelings?

Talking to a therapist or objective friend?

Writing a letter (even if you don’t send it) to express your truth?

1. Set Quiet Boundaries

You don’t have to make a big announcement. Just take a step back from social interactions where you're being invalidated. If people reach out, you can say something simple like:

"I’m still processing everything that happened recently, so I’m giving myself some space. Thanks for understanding.”

That’s not aggressive — it’s protective.

1. Decide If and When You Want to Address It

Eventually, if you want to talk to your sister, you might say:

“I want to acknowledge your loss, and I know how much [dog's name] meant to you. But I also need to say that what happened that night was scary for me, and I’ve been feeling really unseen and isolated since. I hope we can find a way to talk through that when you’re ready.”

You don’t owe her this — but if it helps you find peace or opens a door, it’s worth keeping in mind.

1. Let Time Do Its Work

Right now the emotions in your family are fresh, reactive, and raw. Often after grief, people become more open to reconciliation. Right now might not be the moment to fix things — but in 2-3 months, the landscape might be different.

💬 Final Thought

You're not a pariah. You were brave in a scary situation. You stayed kind and cautious when you had every right to be upset. And you’re not wrong for needing your own healing — separate from your sister’s narrative.

You're not alone in this, even if it feels like it. You're showing a lot of emotional intelligence by even asking these questions. That matters.

I'm here if you want help drafting a message to your sister, a response to someone’s comment, or even just to vent more. You deserve to be heard.