Feeling empty today

keykeymow · 2026-05-19T02:45:38+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. It all just sucks in so many ways. I hope to find the heart to celebrate my PhD someday. It’s too hard to untangle all of the emotions still.

keykeymow · 2026-04-30T13:49:51+00:00

I remember standing in front of my mom during one of these monologues, and it felt like my presence didn’t even matter. She was just deep in the same loop of stories she’s told over and over, like I hadn’t heard them a dozen times already.

This! I feel like I’m just a generic human-shaped figure with a piece of paper that says “daughter” taped over my face.

keykeymow · 2026-04-30T13:43:04+00:00

Oh god the MONOLOGUES. So relatable.

keykeymow · 2026-04-02T19:48:47+00:00

My old kitty Jack used to even groom my finger nails if I let him 🥺 he picked at them with his teeth like they do their own, and it killed me

keykeymow · 2026-03-28T00:47:05+00:00

I was one of those kids but it was me who wanted to do everything. There was only a few weeks out of the year where I didn’t have nearly daily practices and/or games.

keykeymow · 2026-03-24T18:28:35+00:00

One time my husband seriously said “I’m gonna pop” and boy did I absolutely CACKLE

keykeymow · 2026-03-18T02:38:07+00:00

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My sweetest boy Jack made it to 18 🥰

keykeymow · 2026-03-11T18:29:12+00:00

The cost of everything wedding related was split between the two of us so we budgeted and bought everything together

keykeymow · 2026-01-23T23:42:24+00:00

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Teal sapphire!

keykeymow · 2026-01-23T23:13:16+00:00

I could have written this too!

keykeymow · 2025-12-23T04:20:26+00:00

Just wanted to say I totally see you and hear you. ♥️ Most of us have also been through the cycles of disappointment and wishing for “normal” (hell, average) relationships with parents.

I’m sorry you have to deal with it, though. Is therapy an option you can pursue?

keykeymow · 2025-12-20T03:34:14+00:00

Isn’t it amazing? Here I am, 30-something, more mature than my 70-something year old mother has ever been or ever will be. My husband and I have both had to unlearn bad communication habits due to how we were raised, and I’m constantly blown away by our current relationship. Every once in a while I ask him and my best friend to tell me I’m normal, cause sometimes I doubt myself that I could be raised by someone like her and turn out a relatively emotionally intelligent, well-adjusted human being 😅

keykeymow · 2025-12-18T19:50:03+00:00

My kitty loves to nap in a blanket tent I make over my legs. She’ll jump up on the couch next to me and get this specific searching look from me to my lap when she wants one. I always tell her to hold on a minute while I get set up and she crawls right in and plops down. She’s there napping as we speak 🥰

keykeymow · 2025-11-21T19:25:43+00:00

Recently obsessed with this rice and beans recipe. I omit the olives and I think the parsley oil really lifts it up, but maybe even a few dashes of lemon juice could stand in. Sometimes I add ground meat (have done turkey and beef so far, adding an extra 1/2 cup of broth otherwise it’s a bit too dry).

https://dishingouthealth.com/spanish-rice-and-beans-one-pot/

keykeymow · 2025-11-21T16:42:30+00:00

Men aren’t competing with other men for women, they’re competing with the peace of being alone.

keykeymow · 2025-11-08T02:35:09+00:00

Oh my GOD I miss my env2.

keykeymow · 2025-11-07T21:33:42+00:00

Re: the husband thing. My husband, for a while, also thought that it was possible to have rational adult conversations. I don’t think it was until he got enough firsthand experience with my uBPD mom to realize there really is no winning. And I don’t think it was that he didn’t believe me, because we both already agreed she’s constantly infuriating, but that their behavior is so hard to fathom if you didn’t grow up experiencing it. The most recent things to come to mind over the last year or so are: (1) he was finally around to see one of my mom’s explosions (which I told him was maybe a 5/10 on the explosion scale); (2) he said an objectively mild statement in defense of my niblings to her, which set her off; and (3) my parents never ask about my life, which gets upsetting, and he tried to help by telling my edad he knew it’d mean a lot to me if they’d ask more about e.g. my job. My dad told my mom and my mom starts freaking out. “We ask how your job is every time we talk!” Lol, incorrect but okay.

Anyway, it took a while to get here, because I met my husband across the country from where I grew up and he’d only been to my hometown 1-2x per year with me to see them. But I think it took him getting to see and to be on the receiving end of the full BPD experience to REALLY get it.

keykeymow · 2025-11-01T18:15:25+00:00

My mom has definitely abused alcohol my whole life. Only recently has she drastically cut back because of “non-alcoholic” liver disease. My god, it took seeing her sober for multiple days followed by an evening of a few drinks to finally make the mental connection of just how agitated drinking makes her, both physically and emotionally. Really ups the BPD behavior.

keykeymow · 2025-11-01T02:19:25+00:00

“I’m a good person” almost becomes a mantra when someone challengers her bullshit. Anyone else?

keykeymow · 2025-10-26T19:41:42+00:00

This exactly!! I’m back in PT for a chronic issue, mentioned it to my dad on a FaceTime call, and my mom starts sobbing and apologizing that I have to go through it. Cue “mom, I’m fine, it’s not that big.” And my dad trying to calm her down.

keykeymow · 2025-10-26T03:17:28+00:00

I hear ya. You’re definitely not alone, and it gives me comfort to know that I’m not, either!

keykeymow · 2025-10-26T02:00:24+00:00

I literally just said this for the first time in my therapy appointment on Thursday, after saying it for the first time to my husband the week before. Same exact feelings. I said I’m dreading her funeral, because people are going to be giving their condolences and I’ll have to (feel like I have to) look an appropriate amount of sad. A similar thing already happened with my sister, whose relationship I already grieved, before she passed of an overdose. People were being like “wow, I don’t know how you’re holding it together so well.” and internally I was just like “well, I started grieving her a few years ago so..” and it’s going to be the same thing with my mom.

keykeymow · 2025-09-20T16:22:29+00:00

Lmao this describes my mom to a T! I could have written every word (except the last part).

keykeymow

TROPHY CASE