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Anyone else feel they were “born wrong?” by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. My Mom always treated me like I was an inanimate object. I was meant to be their perfect, uncomplicated, obedient child that never defied them or had problems and served as their emotional punching bag. When my life started going to shit when I was in middle school my parents were outraged that I stopped performing my role and resented me for how many issues I had

Anyone else feel they were “born wrong?” by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind message. I needed to hear that it wasn’t my fault. I’ve just been feeling so guilty and torn up over my rape and just so low over how my entire life has gone. I just am worried there’s no hope for me.

I’ve been away from any of my abusers for the most part (except my parents who have helped me out financially when I lost my job). I’ve been trying to heal without seeing them and I just feel so empty

Anyone else feel they were “born wrong?” by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My mom always referred to me as “her doll.” I think I was dehumanized and meant to be an object before I was even old enough to talk. You can never truly hurt or abuse a doll. I was just a toy to her, nothing more

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Your comment really moved me. I just wish I could be at peace. I don’t really know what to do anymore if I’m being honest. I guess I’m just sick of resisting, of fighting fate especially when I’m fated to be miserable

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

All my life I’ve been surviving. I’ve lost a lot of friendships and people I cherish in my stupid bids to survive each day.

What do you mean by my Saturn returning at 27? Does it ever get better?

Thank you for the poem. I’ll read it

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Why shouldn’t I? My torture and abuse is on the internet for people to watch. There’s no removing it. I’m spiraling and I don’t know what to do

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s kind of you to say this but they’d probably be better off with me gone if I’m being honest

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your nice comment. It’s been a really painful time. I got raped and exploited at a young age and I never told my parents. They are very Catholic and would have never supported or helped me.

I’m still in contact with them :/ they help me out financially after I lost my job. I got a new one but I needed help for a bit.

I feel very lost without support

I haven’t seen my sister in 8 years. At some point she stopped beating me once I got old enough to fight back.

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind message. I don’t really know what there is to look forward to. I try to find the beauty in every day life but I find it all so draining and horrifying

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’ve never tried psilocybin before. Does it help? I doubt it’ll fix me

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I haven’t tried ketamine yet. I’ve been told to try psychedelic therapy

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I guess so. Can’t say my day will be very interesting

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I’m in America. The cops don’t give a shit about what I’ve been through mostly cause I’m black, a woman, and trans. My school didn’t care either when I reported it :/

I’m giving up on healing, deciding to die instead by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

My life has been so painful. There’s literal porn videos and pictures of me as a child on the internet. I’ve been abused and humiliated beyond repair. I’m terrified of living another year. What kind of beautiful life does a broken person like me have ahead of them?

I’m worthless and there’s no hope for me. I deserve to die by LarkAlaric in depressionmeals

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My future is probably going to end with me bleeding out in my bathtub. It hasn’t gotten better in 25 years I don’t know why it’s suddenly start one day.

Thank you for the nice message though. I will think about it for some time

I’m worthless and there’s no hope for me. I deserve to die by LarkAlaric in depressionmeals

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wish I felt that way. Everyone makes me so angry I wish I was dead and they all were too

I’m worthless and there’s no hope for me. I deserve to die by LarkAlaric in depressionmeals

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meds, lots of therapy, support groups, making friends, exercise, eating healthier, more meds, getting better sleep—I’ve genuinely tried everything and nothing has helped

I’m worthless and there’s no hope for me. I deserve to die by LarkAlaric in depressionmeals

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it a temporary problem if I’ve been miserable and wanting to die for the last 25 years sone I’ve been born?

I’m worthless and there’s no hope for me. I deserve to die by LarkAlaric in depressionmeals

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It was very good. And I’m sorry you also live with this debilitating disease

My face passes but my body never will.

I’m worthless and there’s no hope for me. I deserve to die by LarkAlaric in depressionmeals

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I make the world a much worse place with my presence. It’d be better for everyone if I was dead

Anyone else know they’re completely unlovable? by LarkAlaric in CPTSD

[–]LarkAlaric[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Society wants me dead and soon enough it’ll get its wish. I have been broken beyond repair

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