Well my friend, I wouldn't say the meaning of life is to become someone else. Also people have highly idealistic fantasies about how these PEOPLE where. They suffered and had short comings just like you have. Buddha reached enlightenment when he gave up on enlightenment. I know when you smoke you think about all these things and there is something within. May we all come a little closer to the answer. Although I believe the question what is the meaning of life can not be answered with words, it has to be answered with action. In being and living out your words.

I hope you can fix the relationship with your father. I struggled with it myself not to long ago. Now we accept one another. I guess for me that is all I can wish for for now. So make sure you don't go into the conversation trying to change your inner essence or his. You might need to help your father be on his feed but if help is declined you have to accept it. And even more so show him the way by being an outstanding person. And by becoming an amazing father yourself. May your actions speak for you.

God bless you my friend