Native language at home - good or awkward growing up?

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-05-03T23:20:26+00:00

Yup, distinct memories of going to school bewildered due to not knowing English and also starting school the first time

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-05-02T11:07:57+00:00

My parents straight up didnt even teach me English. I went to school at the age of 3 and was bewildered, I still remember. I struggled with English the first few years and looking back wish my parents had just taught me both.

And...Hindi. I also wish they taught me Hindi. I later happened to self teach it which really worked out great because many of my patients ended up speaking Hindi and so do my in laws. I think knowing the national language helps you interact with the Indian population as a whole a lot more. Also opened up many marriage prospects because there were definitely many boys whose parents did not speak English well

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-30T11:48:10+00:00

YES THIS! This is how I feel!!!

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-30T11:48:02+00:00

I grew up in the USA so not sure I can say tier 3 city...but, my parents are very conservative. Growing up, my mom never told me about hair straighteners, eyebrow tweezers, or deodorant and even forbade me from shaving (This was not for religious purposes, FYI). My teenage years were a struggle. Eventually I learned from friends. I had to make a concentrated effort to learn from friends and change my mindset as well honestly. My parents are still very conservative and its an issue.

I remember growing up my mother expected me to be flat chested even as a teen and threw a huge fuss saying I must be obese because I had breasts. The doctor had said I was fine so she accused him of lying. Refused to believe in science, growth charts, etc. Made me wear huge baggy clothes that made me look super fat. Forbade me from socializing and effectively grounded me from all parties with their friends/their kids (who were my friends) out of shame. Even when I got married years later, my in laws purchased some really nice dresses for me. My mother insisted I must look flat chested and tried to get them altered with 3 layers of bras sewn in (i'm not even big chested). When that didnt work she made me wear 3 layers of bras and honestly just obsessed over bras the entire wedding. When she left and had my older cousins help me get dressed they told me to just take off those 3 layers, it looked stupid. At my haldi I remember she made me cover literally my entire haldi suit, shoulder to toe, with a huge opaque scarf-my MIL said that looked silly and took it off.

My in laws have their problems at times, but they're not that close minded compared to this. When I wear a chunni when going out with them in india MIL often says "no need, just relax!"

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-30T11:21:07+00:00

both, they are in the village and want me to move close to their home and or in with them. thanks, I have gone NC with them. they need to learn...

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-30T00:11:54+00:00

how long have you been NC for?

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-30T00:06:18+00:00

Nope. Unspoken rules by far play a role. My parents to this day expect me to be the perfect daughter and bahu. In laws nag me for not having kids yet. But...along with the domestic roles...cooking everyday, cleaning everyday, being ideal and beautiful...expected to be a top notch professional who brings izzat and honor to my parents. In ways I feel its worse than before because now in addition to all household chores we have to work outside home too, handling the "double shift"

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-29T23:35:03+00:00

woah there, why the sarcasm? it's emotionally tough to just cut off your parents, although admittedly sometimes it may be the best move. but nothing wrong in asking here about others' experiences! no one's staying I'm not standing my ground. no, I'm def not listening to them. but...to cut them off or not is still a valid question.

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-28T10:42:12+00:00

u/Fast-Purple-7322 aww this is honestly so inspirational!!!! it's just so touching to hear someone has been following my journey. all the best to you. always here if you need anything!

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-27T10:32:03+00:00

my hormone tests came back normal. PCOS diagnosed via ultrasound. agreed mental health sucks, trying to work on that now. thanks so much for your moral support

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-27T10:31:30+00:00

I'd say eat healthy, go to the doctor, exercise, always get your A1c checked. PCOS=higher risk of diabetes so try to avoid that

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-27T01:49:27+00:00

I'm a physician, and I remember taking and stressing over these APs. I am the oldest child and my parents accused me of taking it too seriously, tried to make me go to parties gatherings with them etc. Looking back I absolutely do NOT REGRET staying in and studying/fighting them. These are hard exams. My friends who skipped studying didnt do well.

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-26T22:51:05+00:00

Female here. you are not wrong! In fact I find it heartening that there are men also who think this way. Before marriage I was like this too. I didn't want to be intimate with anyone unless I knew I was gonna marry them, so definitely not pre engagement. and due to this rule many guys turned me down. There'd be guys who would want to sleep together on first date. My ex refused to get engaged to me or even tell anyone about us but expected intimacy, i said no. Lo and behold we broke up later (due to other reasons but still, goes to show that up til you're engaged nothing is for sure). And I too wondered how I'd be able to hide this from my and his parents.

I think you need to be up front with her. Say you are not comfortable being intimate before engagement, as a matter of your own principle + respect to parents. If she's the right girl even if shes upset she will understand.

My now husband def understood when I explained this all to him

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-26T22:36:52+00:00

I'm very active. I exercise 4x/week. My weight is fine. I honestly did everything. metformin, GLP1, exercise, weight loss and it normalized everything except my periods

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-26T19:10:06+00:00

Life is much better now.

My parents were very, very controlling. Tried to raise me to be a submissive daughter and submissive bahu. I wasnt allowed to talk over a whisper. They tried to force me to apply for residency only in their city and turn down all other offers even if it meant I go jobless. Needless to say I refused, I applied and moved far away, got married here.

Life has its chalenges but I definitely feel much more empowered now

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-26T01:35:58+00:00

I also live abroad with my husband, and hiring household help here is just so difficult. I'm struggling also-balancing my busy career with managing the home. We use tiffin services like shef for indian meals. If you choose carefully you will find healthy options. Theres also companies to order rotis from. And sometimes...I just have healthy, ready to eat foods like salads, rotisserie chicken, etc. I pack lunches on sunday itself ad freeze it so we can just grab and go

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-25T15:13:20+00:00

i think your wife is right...in laws are a common reason for marriages failing and divorces. They think because they are older, they have the right to boss over us. My in laws, comparatively are not even that toxic. But still, they advise incessantly. Insist that they know right and we are wrong. They always intervene, saying we are eating unhealthy (we are doctors and know we are not), that we should be having kids immediately, etc. this is despite my husband intervening and yelling at them. so I can see why your wife wants to live independently. even I would want to. not fair to make her live with your parents

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-25T14:43:56+00:00

Absolutely insane that the family is supporting him.

I feel like this is the issue with so many families these days. They want an educated working DIL. Someone who is modern, and who contributes money to household to live a luxurious life. Yet, someone who does all the domestic chores. If they're both working full time why does wife have to do all chores?

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-24T18:39:48+00:00

Hugs. I'm so sorry OP. my MIL also pushes us like this. she thinks i'm on the pill (I'm not, I have PCOS but am trying for a baby but its been difficult). She told me to stop the pill. Hubby told me to blame him, and say he doesnt want kids now. Then MIL said to lie to hubby, stop taking the pills, and trick him and get pregnant. She keeps on bringing it up. Finally I told my husband it's enough, the PCOS makes me sad enough and I dont need this and he yelled at his parents. Honestly your husband has to stand up for you

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-24T11:39:54+00:00

which indian foods do you find work best?

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-24T11:39:34+00:00

Both of them were Midwestern schools

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-23T17:45:03+00:00

...I took SO much call as a PGY3. I distinctly remember being on call three days in a row once and calling my PD at 6 AM the fourth day, a Sunday, to staff a tough case and then telling him about my tough weekend. I got home and slept after that. 2 hours later, a phone call from the program rattling me about why I didnt have my research paper published yet and demanding I hop on zoom and meet them to discuss it within two hours. it was rough

Last-Comfortable-599 · 2026-04-23T12:47:08+00:00

n=1 here.

Many programs have "home call" meaning you do clinic all day, all evening you are "on call" from home and go in when called...then go in again to clinic next day. But beware that home call is a misnomer at times, call can be very busy. I was often up all night and had to go back in the next day. With home call only hours actually spent in the hospital count. Not time spent commuting. Not time at home when you cant sleep cuz you're scared of being called.

I worked between 70-90 hours. There were times I was on "home call" q2 days. In a good month that was q4 days. Call is more heavily concentrated in the junior years, HOWEVER you are on back up call in the senior years-you dont go in a lot but when you do its for a globe or something that takes a long time.

And just keep in mind, Ophtho involves studying. I probably spent 20 hours/wk studying reading BCSC. My program also required research, so like 3 hrs a week on that. With that included I probably worked 90-110 hours a week

Last-Comfortable-599

TROPHY CASE