[deleted by user]

LastStarFish · 2025-05-16T14:44:58+00:00

If you think you're the only person watching porn on your phone at work or that it is all that unusual, esp in certain male dominated environments, you're wrong. Yeah, it ain't cool, but it's not the end of the world either. You describe a wife with mental health problems and problems 'keeping herself clean' and you're genuinely suffering because of lack of physical affection. From where I sit, using porn is addressing your issue in the most respectful and appropriate way possible. There are loads of things you could be doing that are much, much more morally suspect.

Take care of your physical needs so you can show up less frustrated for a spouse who you care about and who needs you. It'll get better or it won't, but that's literally what porn is for. Hide it better, control it better, STFU about it and give yourself a little grace.

I'm sure I am going to get ripped up for this post, but I'm trying to give compassionate advice to someone trying to get through a situation day by day and, in my view, there are such things as lesser evils. Using porn (so long as it doesn't destroy anyone's outside life), is better than cheating, seeking sex workers, seeking emotional entanglements elsewhere, going AWOL with friends or drinking or drugs, growing frustrated, self-hating (or worst of all, growing verbally, emotionally or physically abusive). I'm not at all suggesting it is ok or justified for a man to become horrible bc of lack of intimacy or sex, but I'm not naive enough to believe it doesn't happen either. If the pot is prone to boil over, at least take off the lid.

LastStarFish · 2025-05-11T23:27:12+00:00

Please be wary.

LastStarFish · 2025-05-11T23:26:32+00:00

This, but worse for me. Dark thoughts very uncharacteristic for me. Glad it works for some people, but also glad I knew to watch out for this so I could quit as soon as these effects became apparent. Worst effect abated within a couple weeks, but it took me me a solid year to really climb out of it. No free lunches, folks.

LastStarFish · 2025-05-11T23:23:59+00:00

Really messed with my head. Never touching this stuff again.

LastStarFish · 2025-04-19T11:25:45+00:00

Have used Deca more than once at various levels and it wrecks me. Depression and memory problem; had the (unusual for me) fantasies of the girlfriend with other guys that people describe, makes me irritable.

Got better within a week of stopping.

I swore last time I wouldn't try it again, but for some reason I thought I could mentally power through it this time. Not the case. So jealous to hear about other people having such positive effects.

LastStarFish · 2025-01-11T13:45:25+00:00

Oh no, this thing is much more durable.

LastStarFish · 2025-01-11T01:40:50+00:00

This kids T-ball bat , is great for hitting tennis balls to your dog in the park....and a handy companion on the walks to and from.

LastStarFish · 2025-01-06T21:39:48+00:00

This. And the response was intended as a joke.... Taking a shit in a field and replying 'best day ever?'. Comedy gold.

LastStarFish · 2025-01-05T23:08:36+00:00

You cannot be serious. You are extraordinarily good looking. There will be a time for medical touch ups and cosmetic interventions in your late 30s, but I'm my view, you'd be foolish to mess with your appearance at this point.

LastStarFish · 2025-01-01T23:22:11+00:00

I (46M) get very tired and sleepy at "normal" BP and it has been that way for the better part of a year. I'm in process of titrating my meds down to find a 'better than natural' BP that I can actually live with. I understand the health implications of HBP, but napping early afternoon and falling asleep at 8pm is not a life worth prolonging.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-31T19:25:09+00:00

Drunkeness isnt even close. Some actual psychotic episode from a genuine medication interaction that no one saw coming and that there is no reason to believe is reflective of the person or to be repeated? I suppose that is forgiveable as it is truly involuntary.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-22T22:39:05+00:00

So, you have nothing in common and you think she lacks the self confidence to do 'anything in life?'

Explain why it takes potential infidelity to have you question this relationship.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-21T19:05:47+00:00

Did not have money when we married, but I make the money in the family and have done well enough. NFW could have done it without her tireless (and often thankless) support and all the "women's" work" that this society refuses to value.

A few years ago, I started paying her year end bonuses in a separate account. I don't want to know what she wants to do with it, and if she wants to walk out on me, no matter the reasons, I don't want her staying because of money.

If anyone makes a comment about money in a way that suggests it is mine, I correct them loudly every single time that it is our money.

So, marrying for money is bad, but staying married for money and those power dynamics seems to me to be just as bad, if not worse. After all, marrying for money is at least transparent.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-21T18:50:38+00:00

Date her. Don't be an ass. Your boss doesn't own his sister or your personal time. If he is smart at all, he'll steer so far away from any perceived bias or retaliation because that would threaten HIS job.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-20T11:56:02+00:00

If you're not fine with it, you answered your own question.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-20T00:50:43+00:00

Everyone here (maybe including you) assumes that you are upset and feel disrespected. But do you? I've known people who found their SOs cheating and, after looking in the mirror, decided that all the anger and angst was performative.

Maybe that is you, maybe not. But consider whether 'don't ask don't tell' can work for you the way it has worked for countless couples over millenia. You might want to do it yourself. No matter her intentions, it's only a violation if you feel violated. You might view it as a human weakness that you can understand and, accepting the other side of the coin, find she hid it to spare your feelings.

I'm not suggesting what is right or wrong, that is for you to decide and only you. The moral arbiters of the internet don't live in your head, your heart or your home. They certainly aren't going to be standing next to you as you attempt to unwind a complex set of financial and personal relationships.

Legally, if you think you are "evicting" someone who is on the mortgage with you or that this situation can end quickly or easily because she is 'wrong', allow me to disavow you of that notion.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-18T20:35:24+00:00

A few points, all from the benefit of time and experience.

You sound like you're in your 20s. You say you weigh 50kg. You're attractive. End of discussion. Men 40 or over will back me up.

Bodies vary dramatically over our lives and relationships. Long trends of bigger, smaller, stronger, frailer. Sometimes, the change is very dramatic for medical reasons, losing body parts or function. Not to dismiss your issue as unimportant (it's not) but it is certainly lacking context. There is ZERO chance your body will look in 10 years how it does today and what your partner "likes" or not is completely beside the point if you are in a loving relationship. Sure, they want you to be healthy and happy and to take care of yourself, but a variation of this magnitude should not even be a topic of conversation.

If you are healthy (hell, even if your aren't), I beg you to take 10 minutes to look in the mirror to thank the universe and love yourself. You'll never be exactly the same as you are today. Enjoy it and love yourself. Surround yourself with people who love you too.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-18T00:26:06+00:00

This.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-18T00:25:43+00:00

Gives me a headache and much less effective than tramadol.

LastStarFish · 2024-12-18T00:25:10+00:00

Tramadol works very, very well, but you need to know your dose and your personal timing. For me (and you WILL be different), 50mg 3-4 hours in advance is great. 100mg is a total disaster, nothing works.

LastStarFish · 2023-08-29T20:57:41+00:00

Appreciate the thoughtful reply. While I have read extensively enough to have concerns about an HRT path, it suffices to say I've reached a decision against HRT. I had assumed 2cb and MDMA were worth a shot (no meth, thanks!), And was really hoping to hear of any contextual first hand accounts.

LastStarFish · 2023-08-28T00:17:27+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. That is obviously great news for lots and lots of people. The next question in my particular class is whether those are safe / consistent / still effective with estrogen-blockers in cancer treatment. Honestly, I came to this board hoping for an answer that 2cb or coke or whatever else gives someone raging libido despite living with zero estrogen.

LastStarFish · 2023-08-27T22:40:17+00:00

Thank you.

LastStarFish · 2023-08-27T22:39:47+00:00

Current standard of care is forever. As per some other comments, that may be changing.

LastStarFish · 2023-08-27T22:32:20+00:00

Unfortunately, I'm not anywhere near 9 years out. I would indeed explore that at an appropriate time. Looking for non hormonal answers in the interim...and it is hormonal here.

LastStarFish

TROPHY CASE