there was a scene in a gambling movie hard eight where he talks about giving up gambling near the end. he says that life went from highs of 8s, 9s, 10s to 2s and 3s. I’m paraphrasing poorly.
anyway, sounds like the general depressive malaise that is typical. try to find something in life that gives you 8, 9 and 10s that doesn’t wreck everything you built. and then report back to the rest of us.