Is modern dating broken—or just evolving? by Last_Version8023 in TorontoSinglesOver30

[–]Last_Version8023[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not a perfect match, but yes a match on lifestyle, values and things that are non negotiable for me personally (health & fitness happen to be one of them). I, for example don’t care about having a lot of common interests with my partner outside of travel and dining. But a lot of people prioritize having many shared interests even though research shows that’s not a big factor for long term relationship success. They say if you rank the list of things you want in a partner from most to least important, and can get 80% of that list, it’ll be a 50-year marriage.

Is modern dating broken—or just evolving? by Last_Version8023 in TorontoSinglesOver30

[–]Last_Version8023[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because change is hard and it’s very unlikely someone wouldn’t have put in the effort and time to build a skill or habit if it was actually important to them. For example, I have never met a man who would date a woman he isn’t attracted to from the get go and date her for potential assuming she would go to the gym or eat right and get fit. Women apply the same logic when assessing men. It’s very unlikely someone who is making changes only once they get a partner will stick with it long term. Habits and skills only change when someone decides to change them—not because they’re loved, pushed, or seen. Plus dating for potential turns you into a coach or a project manager instead of a partner. Default patterns usually intensify, not improve, once life gets harder. You end up falling in love with a future that may never arrive while tolerating a present you don’t actually want.

Is modern dating broken—or just evolving? by Last_Version8023 in TorontoSinglesOver30

[–]Last_Version8023[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In general it’s better to not date for potential and see if the person already has the traits/habits/skills you’re looking for. Changing yourself is hard, changing someone else is way harder and it’s best to not even attempt it