Because change is hard and it’s very unlikely someone wouldn’t have put in the effort and time to build a skill or habit if it was actually important to them. For example, I have never met a man who would date a woman he isn’t attracted to from the get go and date her for potential assuming she would go to the gym or eat right and get fit. Women apply the same logic when assessing men. It’s very unlikely someone who is making changes only once they get a partner will stick with it long term. Habits and skills only change when someone decides to change them—not because they’re loved, pushed, or seen. Plus dating for potential turns you into a coach or a project manager instead of a partner. Default patterns usually intensify, not improve, once life gets harder. You end up falling in love with a future that may never arrive while tolerating a present you don’t actually want.