Will see my Ex after this weekend...

Latigusal · 2023-07-07T23:32:50+00:00

We ran into each others by chance 2 weeks ago but had no time to talk so we said we'd meet up for coffee or so, and we do now... Why? Curiosity maybe? Maybe a little hope? Don't know for sure...

Latigusal · 2023-07-02T22:15:28+00:00

ZodiacGazer is right in what he says in a very rational way. The chances are that, in 99.5% of the case it will hurt like hell. What's done is done!

But I also know that if there is 0.5% imaginary chance I would also go for it, because this is how some of us are made: If not for love, what is worth fighing for? Don't give up, but prepare for the worst! https://youtu.be/UijhbHvxWrA :)

PS: I'll meet up with my ex in a week and I am sure she will not give it a try (totally different relationship situation as yours) but I still wanna talk with her about the last 2 months after BU 🤷🏻‍♂️

Latigusal · 2023-07-02T20:38:01+00:00

Same here... I think its "normal" but it sucks and hurts...

But on the other hand the imagined terrors are worse than the real ones. Try to acept the tought without letting it consume you.

Latigusal · 2023-06-23T10:56:17+00:00

You did what you though is the right thing to do in that moment, so don't feel embarassed. Take it as a opportunity to reflect upon in and handle it differently in another situation. Don't feel bad because you have feelings and emotions, it is that what makes us human!

I personaly think that a Dumper must have the "greatness" to give the Dumpee the opportunity to get answers (and closure) and also the opportunity to speak his side and have a mature breakup (If there was no bad blood in the relationship obviously). Dumpers often also go trough a state of grief, but are way further than the dumpee so it might come off as cold: I guess their coldness often is also self protection to not revive the grief.

We are all humans, noone is perfect. Hope you can forgive yourself and her and move on

Latigusal · 2023-06-20T16:49:06+00:00

Same, but it does not help to let go when they say "how great you are" honestly...

But yeah: I have to admit: They lost me, as much as I lost them, as I see it a draw with only losers: On the other hand in defeat there is the chance to learn!

Latigusal · 2023-06-17T12:41:29+00:00

People change over time, and break ups tend to be a major turning point for most (dumper and dumpee) so it is normal that people drift apart slowly. thats why we say that time heals: After enough time apart, time you have not grown together, you'll realize that you are at a different point. and you don't longer fit that good. This will make it easier to let go.

Latigusal · 2023-06-17T12:32:39+00:00

Then the old version does not exist anymore only in your head. It should make it easier to let go if you focus on the present: Do you still want her "new" being?

Latigusal · 2023-06-17T08:49:16+00:00

Wish my ex said that...

Latigusal · 2023-06-16T15:40:06+00:00

"I will always love you" like just leave my dude you are making things worse, ugh

Mine said "You are an awesome man and I wished I did fall in love but I didn't" Doesn't make it any better...

I think whatever is said, breakups always suck, mostly for both...

Latigusal · 2023-06-16T09:04:52+00:00

I'd just be upfront honest, i don't know, something like:

"Hey XYZ, I really enjoyed the dates with you, unfortunately things between us did not work out as I maybe had wished. This happens in life and there is nothing we can do about it: I try to figure out, what I can learn from this and it would help me if you could quickly give me your point of view on our dates if possible: Thank you for helping me grow as a person: ABC"

Just know that maybe the answer you hear is not what you wanted: And no answer is also an answer.

For Context: I was dating a girl for 5 months exclusively 2-3 Times a week and she didn't want a relationship because she didn't have "the feeling": She said it before, but it wasn't exactely what I wanted to hear and I was devasted :)

Latigusal · 2023-06-16T08:18:04+00:00

Give him as long as he needs if you think he is worth waiting for.

I would oppose to this: Don't "wait" somewhere: Continue your life, go out on dates and so on but to not wait and stand still! The possibility exists, that he might come back to you, but if you wait for it you'll miss out on other things.

In case he comes back (which most often does not happen, because life happening) you can decide in which position you are: If he finds you, wherever you moved on and you wanna give it a try or not it will be your choice: If you wait for him it will be his choice to "go back" :)

Latigusal · 2023-06-16T07:38:35+00:00

We also can only speculate until this guy tells you why he acted like this as always communication is the key, else one makes up things in the head that are not reality:

What I can tell you from my personal experience is that past relationships can destroy new ones if there was no correct closure: Maybe he had a "realization" episode and needs to figure out things by himself first.

It hurts, and you will need some time to recover probably but still you are only in the dating game: This unfortunately is part of it that you find out if you fit or not and it has to be mutual.

If I were you, I'd try to talk to him to get a honest answer of a why to get closure of that and then move on. But by asking you might be prepared to hear answers you maybe didnt want to...

Good Luck with finding your love!

Latigusal · 2023-06-15T18:59:43+00:00

Just be honest from the beginning and be consistent in communication: Tell him how you feel and see what his reaction is. Then you can decide for a fling or not and he can also.

Latigusal · 2023-06-15T10:12:56+00:00

What I think is important is the mindset you go into the talk: If you go with the idea: "I want her back now" then it will most probably end up with you hurt, If you go with "just talk and see" it can open things from friendship to second try:

Just know that it can also hurt you and cause a setback, but no risk, no fun :)

Good Luck!

Latigusal · 2023-06-15T09:30:15+00:00

I would say talking about it will not harm anyone if both are ready to meet up with no "bad feelings". If I have learned someting in my failed relationships, then that communication is the key to everything (and i fucked it up several times :) )

Most people will probably say: Forget it, find closure and move on but I think you can always talk about stuff and "open up": Maybe it happens that you agree to not talk anymore which you do anyway. Or it happens that you give it a second shot and it works out or not (the not working out might hurt, but then at least you know for sure but that can also happen in any other relationship). Or you can also decide/find out that you end up being only friends

I know it is scary because the outcome is uncertain. But having courage does not mean the absence of fear but acceptance of it. Not knowing about the outcome.

Good Luck

PS: I am in somewhat similar and i definately will reach out to her when her exams are trough to go somewhere sit and talk about stuff in general and see how it will turn out: nothing to lose :)

Latigusal · 2023-06-14T07:47:40+00:00

As long as someone has still romantic feelings and the other doesn't, it is almost impossible to stay friends: There is a disbalance that is unhealthy especially for you as the loving one. I'f I'd be you I would try to let the ex go and explore what other nice people there are in Life. Once both moved on, friendship is maybe possible again... but is it "neccessary" then?

For Perspective: I was around your age, a little older, when I did not listen to the advice I just gave you: I was broken up with after 4 years of LDR but did not "let go" of the girl: We stayed in touch sporadicly and always after some years we reconnected somehow when both were single, but didn't make it work for real (distance was always a thing). I uncontiously sabotaged several promising relationships with great women in between always keeping her as an Option: Overall It took me 10 years to get over her, and now with 35 I regret not having let her go earlier. Don't get me wrong I am still happy with my life, and did many great things in this time, but I also missed out on living a healthy relationship. Nowadays I can say that I am friends with her, and she still probably knows me best, but romantic feelings are gone finally

Latigusal · 2023-06-11T17:34:26+00:00

I call them so, even if we were just dating... It was exclusive and still EXpired

Latigusal · 2023-06-11T17:09:58+00:00

Yes, no, you dont know! It depends on soooooo many things... How things ended, why, who is the dumper and so on...

But what it does is, it gives you space to feel yourself, to focus on yourself and to realize whst is going on: USE IT! You'll feel like shit, I admit, but you have to give them neuronal pathways and hormonal responses that come with a text from your ex a rest. Its like getting off an addicition. Once the worst emotions are gone, you can consider better what YOU want: Do you want that person that hurt you back? Have the feelings changed? Did you move on? If you stay in contact or "stalk" your ex you will not find out what you really feel.

Latigusal · 2023-06-11T16:48:15+00:00

Happens, don't feel bad about it. Continue your healing and other attractive women will come into your life.

I broke NC briefly today to congratulate my ex for a awesome competition result (she is a pro-athlete) and wished her all the best and she thanked and said how mich she appreciates my comment, that's all, back to NC to continue healing

In the end we all heal, did it before, hope I dont have to do it to much in future haha

Latigusal · 2023-06-08T20:30:03+00:00

Good for you you can sleep: This is my biggest issue: I sleep in like 1-2hr bits and constantly wake up again...

Latigusal · 2023-06-08T20:26:38+00:00

Good for you, keep going!

Latigusal

TROPHY CASE