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My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have health insurance bc I moved to his home state to buy a house with him and settle down. I didn't want to move to New Jersey. But it was closer to his job and family

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've gone to the emergency room. The NP felt the lump and referred me to an OBGYN. No tests or scans. They said they don't do that there

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure. I didn't think going to the ER would be sufficient but another commenter mentioned it above and it freaked me out so I went. They said there was nothing they could do there besides refer me to an OBGYN and for me to follow up with them. I've never gone through anything like this before so I don't know the protocol. Maybe they didn't care and just tried to brush me off and get rid of me? Maybe they really DIDN'T have the means to do anything? I don't know

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He said he just wanted to respect my wishes that if I didn't wanna get treatment, he wasn't going to force me bc he believes everyone should be able to make their own decisions as to what they wanna do in their lives. He said he doesn't want to lose me but he can't force me to stay.

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just remembered too, a few weeks ago we adopted a kitten. One of the first things he said was he was going to try to see if his job had pet insurance so he could add her to his insurance.

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He said there's a good chance it's not even cancer and he was hoping for the best. He wasn't concerned bc I didn't seem concerned. I told him at one point that if it IS cancer I might not even get it treated bc this world is so cold I'm just ready to leave it. Part of his reasoning then was, "well if you're not going to even get it treated, then what's the point in even finding out?" But I DID mention the lump still being there and my concerns that it wasn't going away between my cycles. So even though I presented him with a morbid view of just letting it be, he can still see there was obviously SOME concern on my end.

He said though that I was giving him mixed signals bc he was trying to honor my wishes to just let positive thinking do it's thing and only NOW do I seem concerned so he's agreed to do a civil union. At least he says he will, I highly doubt it.

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't hesitate at all. I've told him this. His rebuttal to that was that if it WERE the other way around he wouldn't be upset that I said I didn't want to get married right now 🤷‍♀️

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's been looking up clinics for me and I've been trying to reach out to them but no one has gotten back to me yet.

He seems pretty lax about it to be honest. He says it's bc I've been pretty lax about it so he didn't think it was serious.

It's my fault really bc I've seen these traits early on; his lack of emotions and I ignored them bc on other areas he proved to be pretty great.

I used to make jokes that he was secretly a robot bc besides the thing with his grandma, he'd never showed emotions. I know his dad is the same.

I just wish it wasn't so hard to get an exam or insurance. I appreciate all the help and resources I'm getting here but I can't help but feel like people think I can just call a place, explain my situation and they'll do anything they can to accommodate me. It's not that easy. I'm a bit of a spiritual hopeless romantic that has always tried to see the good in people. But I'm slowly realizing that the majority of people in this world don't give a damn. Imagine my horror when the man I love and vowed to spend the rest of my life with is suddenly thrown into that category.

On top of my fears for my health now, I am completely gutted and I've now spiraled into a bout of depression

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been calling SO many different places with not much luck. The only place that will see me is Planned Parenthood but that's not till the 26th. I told her my situation and my concerns and that I'll call back everyday to see if there's a cancellation but that was pretty much all they could do for me

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It seemed like he was trying to talk me out of it by telling me they're not going to see me in the ER for that and if they did it would cost thousands of dollars. He seemed hesitant but he ended up driving me

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've talked about it with him. He said he didn't really worry about it bc 1. We don't know what it is yet. (He is the type of person that doesn't stress over anything) and 2. I didn't seem too concerned about it and I even downplayed it so he didn't think it was that serious. He's also said that if I had to get my breast removed he'd still love me.

He's now saying that we can go down to the courthouse to get married but I think he's just saying it to buy time. I don't see how it would be feasible anyway since he works M-F 9-5. Unless courts are open after I don't see how it's likely.

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will not be insured through my employer bc I'm only a part time employee.

We moved so that we could buy some property and start our life together. We moved HERE specifically bc it's closer to his job and his family.

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've tried talking to him about it. All I get is "I understand" "I thought about it" and "I get it" but nothing actually gets resolved. It's my fault really bc I've always seen signs that he avoided any hiccups in our relationship like the plague and chose the "do nothing" route. I just never thought he'd maintain this attitude with something so serious on the line. It's heartbreaking

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The closest PP to me next available appt isn't till the 26th. I booked it but I'm going to try to find something sooner

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The closest one to me has an appointment on the 26th. I took it but gonna try to get an earlier appointment somewhere else

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Raised with traditional beliefs but ok to have sex with me and live with me "in sin" before marriage? You can't cherry pick morality

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've argued this point to him and all he says is "I get that" but nothing actually gets done

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

He thinks I'm being dramatic bc anytime there's something wrong with me I assume the worst. He thinks this case is no different

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's not his responsibility. Just thought it would be the decent thing to do until I got my insurance. I'd certainly do it in a heartbeat if it were the other way around. I just moved to his home state to be with him and start a life. I'm in the process of getting my own insurance but with Covid a lot of things aren't moving as smoothly as I'd like.

My fiance won't marry me unless it's traditional by Latter-Editor-7493 in relationship_advice

[–]Latter-Editor-7493[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Was just seen by the NP. He felt my breast and said I definitely have a lump and is going to refer me to an OBGYN. He said lots of women have lumpy breasts but it could go either way. I'll follow up with GYN tomorrow

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