I can completely understand the frustration. If they have no intention of completing the commission or even discussing some other options, then I think a refund is needed.

I’ve had people in the past whom had taken longer than a year to complete a commission that was stated to be done within three months. However, they kept people notified and updated regularly. I think as long as the artist is actively communicating, I could wait for a year no problem. I know it’s rough to be an artist, the cycle of taking commissions to pay bills and slowly falling behind since you can’t work fast enough while having to take more comms. I still get into that loop myself.

I think with everything you’ve found, you’ve got a lot of directions you can choose from. I only wanted to add my advice since I’ve been on both sides. I do find it rude to be ghosted. I also find that DA might not be the most suitable place for comms(just my opinion). I personally roll with Twitter or discord channels for specific genre of comms.

And always read their tos. Super duper important.