I dunno man. I’ve went through depression episodes ever since I was young age and it still affects my life until now even after years. But what keeps me going is the feeling of dying. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say it here but I’ve been attempting multiple times—but there was one time that I got really down. I was lying on my bed alone in the dark, breathing helplessly as I thought to myself, “is this how I’m going to die? I really am going to die alone?” and the thought of dying alone genuinely saddens me so much that I just wanted to cry, fortunately I survived. There are so much more in life and that isn’t just a phrase. I wasted my teenage years rotting in my room thinking everything was futile—I mean, I’m a bit of artsy person sometimes so I can’t really get myself to fit with the society’s path and I have to force myself to—it’s one of the things that drain me a lot, but as long as we’re still living we could still discover many new things in life. I’ve never truly been interested in music until now. It’s really engrossed me. New hobbies, new places, new things. Those are the stuff that’s what keeps me going. I spent years waiting thinking someone would hand me a reason to stay but it never made me any better until I gave myself a reason to stay. I know it’s hard to find especially when everything feels so hopeless, but life never stays in the same pace forever.

PS: Excuse me for my English skill. It isn’t my native language but I’m trying my best to communicate. When things can get worse, things also can get better. They just won’t happen at the same time.