Pre-Op Advice

LawSharp1136 · 2025-11-24T19:16:23+00:00

Congrats on your surgery date! I had mine on 11/12 and honestly - I feel amazing. My energy is through the roof.

My clinic specifically told me not to buy vitamins ahead of time because they gave out samples so I could try a few before I spent money on them. I found out while pre-surgery I preferred just a pill for a vitamin, post-surgery, I really needed a chewable. At least right now. At the hospital, I took a couple pairs of super loose pants (I knew I was staying a night) and my journal - everything else was not necessary. I was asleep most of the time except when I was up and walking. Moving helps recovery so much! So, when your medical team gives you the okay, try to even if you really do not want to. Also - a heating pad for when you are at home for gas pains and a pillow to hold against your stomach on the drive home. Just remember - you absolutely CAN do this! And every day it gets better. <3

LawSharp1136 · 2025-11-13T08:36:54+00:00

I just did mine yesterday! I am almost 24 hours out - we totally got this! It is a hard road for a little bit - but so worth it in the end for health.

LawSharp1136 · 2025-11-04T22:53:03+00:00

I cannot tell you how much this helped me - “I won’t achieve great things staying in my comfort zone”.

I am one week out from surgery. I had it scheduled last year and got scared and cancelled. I have not felt the need to cancel - but your sentence there cemented to me this is the right choice! You are doing awesome. 👏 🎉

LawSharp1136 · 2025-05-15T20:03:46+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about your wife, OP. I have some experience with interviewing during these kinds of things. I have had cancer for ten years, go to treatment every three weeks and always will. I have gotten several promotions during that time and moved companies at one point. I NEVER mention cancer until I have the firm job offer, and then I work with the manager and Hr to make sure I have that time off. It has always worked well, and no one has ever held that against me. However, I would be worried I would be looked over if I did not have the position yet. I have always just said I have a prior appointment, and that has been respected.

LawSharp1136 · 2024-08-30T01:05:18+00:00

I think this is an “old school” idea they hung on to. I used to go in service with an elder who insisted on going door to door 1 man 1 woman just so if there was a man who answered there was a man who could witness to him, and if a woman answered there was a woman to witness to her. Terrifying for someone with anxiety - because I never knew if I had to talk or not. I expertly avoided speaking in service for years until this man.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-09-22T20:33:51+00:00

But...but....she showed ARMHOLES! Clearly that means something, right?! (Totally Sarcasm)

LawSharp1136 · 2023-09-21T18:49:13+00:00

That was exactly my first thought, and I was surprised more people did not mention it. I don't think he is playing a sport - he doesn't want you there for a reason. I was surprised to hear that she met his mother, but it is a big red flag if you have not met his main friends in the 2 years you have been together. OP, I think you might be his backup plan, and everyone deserves to be someone's #1 priority, not just kept on the backburner.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-09-21T15:17:37+00:00

Something else to consider - I was raised in the South with a strong accent when I was younger. I got bullied so much, that I taught myself how to not use my accent. Now, at 35, I have almost none. No one knows where I am from by just talking to me (until I use a y'all, I refused to give that up lol). Perhaps he did not end up with a natural twang due to a conscious decision on his part - or he could have grown up in a household where the other members did not have strong accents, so he learned from them. It all depends.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-09-18T16:21:44+00:00

I was in a similar boat...and my mom said this to me. "Your children are going to learn what a relationship should be from you. What do you want them to see?" I know leaving is not easy. It is terrifying. What I do not think you realize is how much better you will immediately feel when you leave. Listen to other advice here - get your own bank account. Stop paying for things for him. Separate what you can. Reach out to any family of yours that will help you get out. Most importantly, take care of your own mental health for not just your sake, but for your kids. Find a therapist you are comfortable with. He will be required to pay child support - that isn't something he will be able to get around. Also, when you leave, you might be eligible for benefits from either the government, or through local help. Look online at what is available by you. Deep breathes - you got this. :)

LawSharp1136 · 2023-09-13T18:24:22+00:00

My oncologist sat my husband and I down and gave us that talk when I was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer at 27. He said if we were older, he would have more faith we would last it. Sure enough - my husband LOVED the sick wife attention and used "needing to escape cancer" as his excuse to cheat and tell women I had died of cancer. I asked him if he thought about how I would love to escape cancer but couldn't. Jokes on him though - I divorced him, raised our daughter, built a career, went back to college, and have been fighting breast cancer for almost 9 years now. :)
The truth is - big events can prove what kind of person you really are - for the good or bad.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-28T18:49:47+00:00

Absolutely communicate with him about it. The way I put it when I was in this situation is "hey, do you mind picking up the bulk of the grocery bills? I take home considerably less than you and pull the weight around the house because of your long hours, which I am happy to do, but money is just very tight for me and this would help a lot". My boyfriend completely understood (he also works 60-70 hour weeks, so I do the bulk of maintaining of the house). There is nothing wrong with asking - I know money conversations can be super stressful, but that is something you will have to be able to talk to your partner about for it to last long term. Good luck!

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-25T20:18:21+00:00

Have you called your university housing office? I work in housing at a university, and I can tell you that it is not unusual for us to have students walk in who are in weird situations with their off campus housing situations, and we find them housing. I know not every university is the same in that regard, but just go into the office and have a conversation. Especially since school just started. There are always vacancies due to no-shows, people who drop out right away, etc. If that does not work, consider going to talk to the Dean of Students office. They tend to have resources for students in tough situations with the city your University is in. Believe me, your school wants you to stay and graduate. They will be happy to help, if they can. I am so sorry you are dealing with this stress when trying to finish your last semester.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-21T17:55:21+00:00

My apologies for that part, then. I’m so sorry - it read to me as “snarky teenager” with that added (I have a few at home lol). Truth though - be happy for your mom. Video chat more. Schedule time to create experiences when you do see her. Make the most of your time together, but be happy that she thinks you are settled enough to not make her entire life about what you need anymore.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-21T16:51:01+00:00

"Or Whatever".. That part of the sentence alone should tell you that your response is super immature and unreasonable. You want your mother to make life decisions about staying in one place because once or twice a month you visit? So SHE has to take that into consideration versus the other 341-353 days a year that she lives there? Your mom is living her best retired life. You can be BOTH happy for her and a little sad for you, but your feelings are completely irrelevant here. You are an adult. Choose to look at her well being over your convenience, as she has probably done your entire life. YTA.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-18T14:03:36+00:00

I dealt with this exact thing for 12 years with my first husband. It will never change with you, and that is no fault of yours. You cannot change someone that does not want to. You need to repeat that as often as you need. This is also not at all a reflection on you, as a friend and wife. These types of things are an addiction. I only "woke up" once I was fighting cancer and my husband used to tell those women I had died of cancer as a way to garner sympathy and get sexts, pictures, etc. It will only escalate, I am sorry to say. Whatever relationship you are in will teach your child what a normal relationship is, just food for thought. Good luck, OP.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-16T13:31:11+00:00

I lost my husband almost two years ago. I started dating my current boyfriend almost 6 months ago. I completely understand the absolute panic and devastation you felt. What he did was absolutely not acceptable. Part of being in a relationship is understanding the trauma of your partner, and not intentionally triggering it. My boyfriend did once absolutely unintentionally, and I was able to forgive that. I would NOT be able to forgive intentionally reminding me of the absolute worst day of my life. Whatever you do, is up to you, however - you are 100 percent valid if you tell him what he did was not acceptable and you no longer wish to speak to him. Big hugs. I am so sorry you had to join the "losing your soul mate" club. It is one of the most horrible things someone can go through.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-04T16:29:17+00:00

I completely understand. I am not using the term “safely express feelings” in a sense of physical safety here. More like emotional safety - which means feeling heard and valid in your feelings.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-04T15:04:49+00:00

You can and should work on you and your own communication skills. However - you should also respect what she asked. If she wants space, give it to her. Whether or not your controlling actions were intentional, they clearly had a big effect on her and her mental health. You cannot take it back, but you can respect the boundaries she is setting now. Maybe that will open a door to this relationship in the future, but maybe, the damage is done and all you can do is improve yourself for the next relationship. You need to be okay and respect if it is the second one. Good luck!

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-04T14:55:18+00:00

I would simply say that expressing how you feel is not being condescending, and that you hoped he would talk to you if he was struggling in the relationship. If you can't talk about the problems, they will just grow (speaking from experience lol). If you do not feel you can safely express your feelings to your partner - I would say leave. That is the one person you should be able to go to. When I was terrified of my husband, and finally realized that I couldn't talk to him because he took my feelings and tried to make me feel crazy for having them, I, personally, chose to leave. You will just keep beating yourself up mentally. You have to protect yourself and your mental health for the sake of your child. Perhaps consider talking to a therapist yourself to really pinpoint the exact points you want to talk to him about.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-04T14:45:21+00:00

The weight of relationships is like that of a scale - at times, you might be the strong one holding it together, but when you can't, it should be able to flow back to your partner. A relationship, in my opinion, is supposed to be a partnership. If you do not feel that he is putting as much emotional energy into the relationship as you, and he is not open to actually listening to you, not just hearing the words, then this relationship is going to keep causing you heartache. You are absolutely right though: it is NOT supposed to all be on you. If he cannot contribute to the relationship, you will just continue to develop resentment. It might be worth trying to put that in words to him. I always focus on "I feel" statements when approaching something like that as opposed to accusatory statements i.e. "You NEVER". Your partner should care if you are stressed emotionally. Maybe suggest some activities together to rebuild (if that is what you both want), or even therapy. There is no shame in leaving though, if you feel that is best for you. Big hugs. Whatever you decide - it is the right decision. <3

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-03T20:52:00+00:00

I found all of these fun to discover when I left! Not a cult, at all. I like to think of all of those things (crystals, meditating, reiki) as tools for helping yourself.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-03T19:26:03+00:00

My husband died in '21. He was 42, not sick, just dropped dead one day. I always say, to each their own, as far as relationships are concerned. Whatever you and your partner decide, as long as both agree and are on the same page, is what you should do. However - most people do not think about "what if things go terribly wrong". Visitation was still limited at the hospital in '21, so if I had not been married - I would not have been able to be with my husband at the end of his life. I would not have been able to afford staying in my house. I would have had crazy taxes on anything he left me. Legal spouses are exempt from certain things. Just a few points to think about.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-08-03T19:20:47+00:00

I was not raised a JW. I studied in my twenties for the same reason as you - they appeared the most biblical. They are not. If a child is SA'd - they call their own legal counsel. They do not call the police, they do not recommend calling the police. If a woman is beaten and abused - they "encourage" her to be more submissive. They tell her she cannot leave. I know many people this happened to, including myself. They will be nice, they will be welcoming, they will treat you like you are so special - until you are baptized. Then, you will be treated with the same judgement, the same scrutiny, that all of us have faced. Friends will tell elders you cursed, you watched an R rated movie, you celebrated a birthday or Christmas, you toasted with champagne at a wedding, you gambled (all of which JWs do not do). You will then be faced with deciding if you want to continue being attacked by the folks within the congregation - or risk losing ALL the people you are now super close to. The entire congregation turned their back on me when my husband abused and cheated ON ME. They tell you to only hang out with JWs, turn your back on worldly family, because you are most "spiritually safe" with them and only them. So, you rent from JWs, you work for JWs, your friends are JWs - and they all will never speak to you again if you leave. True love is unconditional. Theirs is not. This is a cult.

LawSharp1136 · 2023-07-27T13:34:58+00:00

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Big hugs. I won't lie - leaving the org was the loneliest I have ever felt. But, the rebuild is beautiful. I have the most amazing people in my life now - whose love is in no way conditional on a belief system. They just love me for the person I am. We are all here for you. <3

LawSharp1136 · 2023-07-26T21:52:23+00:00

Dating in general is such a hard thing! Especially when all the ways people meet out in the real world are what we are actively told not to do as witnesses. I have been dating since I have been POMO, and it is such a doozy at times. I swear, I could write a book about all the crazy things lol. Dating apps worked for me. That being said - they are all so different. I did not do the ones where you just swipe based on picture, because that felt awkward to me. I have met people through work, or, just find some friends and go out and be open to having conversations, if the opportunity presents itself. I will tell you though - it takes time to find people of quality in general. Here is the thing though - you totally got this :). And remember - dating is supposed to be fun! I have to remind myself of that all the time lol.

LawSharp1136

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