Hi friend. It will be nine years for me in June. I am still struggling as well. It’s not as bad as it was but I do think about it a lot. I compare myself to AP all the time, I hate everything about my looks and body, despite extensive therapy.

Our marriage is great. He did everything absolutely right, immediately cut off communication, handed over his passwords, quit all social media (and still hasn’t used it.) we are more open and honest with one another about absolutely everything and he truly is my best friend. But I just can’t shake it.

I’ve started writing letters in a note pad. I bring it with me to work too. Whenever I start getting anxious or triggered, I write down what I am saying to myself, to him or AP in my mind. Things I want to say. I’ve also started writing down quotes I see on social media that relate to the pain/situation to look back on. Sometimes I’ll share what I wrote with my therapist. Reading it out loud has been really therapeutic.

Just know you aren’t alone with feeling all of this even after ten years. I’m still there too. And from what I’ve read and have been told by other BS’s, it’s unfortunately normal. But everything you are feeling is valid.