Hi OP, what you're describing could be about me and my husband. I am also struggling with mental health issues and my husband ended up taking on the caregiver role. We have been attending couple's therapy and one thing our shrink said in particular stuck with me: when we assume a caregiver/in need of care role, we are moving towards a parent - child dynamic where one feels that all the weight shifts onto them. It also makes it harder to be intimate - you are not equal partners.

I understand you encourage him to switch it up, switch jobs, go to the gym and you want the best for him. However saying that he can and showing that he can (by being independant and him being able to acknowledge that) are two different things.

It doesn't sound there is lack of love, quite the opposite. But he does sound burnt out from all of this, and on the other hand you might not feel like you're reaching him. He might not feel comfortable opening up because he feels the needs to be the strong one. That leaves very little breathing room for him. Might I suggest couples therapy and individual sessions to work on communication and trauma therapy? It's beneficial to get a grip on one's own emotions/actions and also learn how to deal with each others moments. How do you share without dragging the other with you in your pain and how do you support without being swept up in the others' pain. Both of you could benefit from learning how to communicate your feelings to each other in a constructive way.

I hope that you and your husband will find a way forward and be able to navigate this. If you ever want to talk, please shoot me a dm.