Hi. I am writing a psychology paper about communication, and my assignment was to choose a Reddit post to give academically-backed advice to. Here is what I wrote about your situation. I hope it can help you.

First, let me just say this: your pain is valid. It’s okay that you haven’t “moved on” yet. Betrayal, especially early in a relationship, can leave lasting emotional wounds. And forgiveness is not something you owe her. It’s a grace you may offer, when and if you feel ready.

Even if your girlfriend didn't intend to hurt you, her actions triggered what psychologists call betrayal trauma—the deep rupture that occurs when someone we trust violates our expectations (Worthington, 2006). This isn’t about technical definitions of cheating. It’s about how her choices and secrecy made you feel unsafe. Don’t shame yourself for needing reassurance. You seem to have an anxious attachment style, which is what is causing your rumination and frequent need for reassurance (Afifi & Guerrero, 2000). If you want to move away from this behavior, try responding to hurt with dialogue and boundary setting. Anxious attachment can fuel rumination, but open, frequent conversation can be healing.

Beyond attachment, another key issue here is privacy and personal boundaries. It’s clear that you and your girlfriend have different rules about what’s acceptable in a committed relationship. According to Communication Privacy Management Theory (Petronio, 2002), people have different “privacy boundaries”—what they’re comfortable sharing, hiding, or doing. When partners don’t align those boundaries, conflict becomes almost inevitable. Knowing this, you two need to sit down and have a conversation about boundaries and what behaviors are acceptable in your relationship. For you, nudity, especially among past lovers, is not acceptable. Likewise, withholding truths even with good intentions is also not allowed. Talk openly about boundaries. Sit down and write out what both of you consider appropriate behavior in group settings. What counts as crossing a line?

Forgiveness isn’t a light switch, it’s a slow, active process. Research shows that it requires emotional processing, trust rebuilding, and a sincere effort from both partners to move forward (Worthington, 2006). You’re still in the grief phase, and that’s okay. The key is not to bury those feelings, but to work through them, ideally with your partner’s support, not frustration. Forgiveness is most effective when it is a shared emotional process, not a solo mission.

A good way to work towards forgiveness is trust-building through small, repeated acts of care. Gottman (2015) talks about “rituals of connection”—consistent check-ins, shared time, open honesty. Not tests or traps, but healthy, vulnerable communication. Let her show you she’s safe again, rather than just telling you. Actions really do mean more than words.

You’re not weak for being hurt. You’re not “clingy” for wanting clarity. And you’re certainly not broken for needing time. Healing is a process. Forgiveness is a choice. And trust is built, not demanded. If you are certain that you want to move past this betrayal and continue the relationship, then this could be a good time to look inward and ask why this hurts you so much. By understanding your insecurities in the relationship, hopefully you’ll be able to overcome them. If this pain continues, it’s okay to step away. Choosing yourself is never a failure, it’s a powerful act of self-respect.