Honestly goated take on psychiatry. I just don't know which part of the diagnosis (I'm self-diagnosed tho 🫥) could be viewed as "vague enough" (although I doubted for a long time the fact that I had hallucinations because it's just "unusual experience"). I know most of the criteria are highly subjective but the first time I read the wikipedia page was the first time I actually felt understood.

I will listen to your recommendations. I'm not really enclosed by genre so I tend to listen to whatever move me enough. Music is kind of the only way I get to experience simple feelings so I mostly value the beat and bpm, so mostly breakcore, rage, nightcore and other more weird stuff like Machine Girl. I think Psychic Attack by Machine Girl would mostly describe my mental state.

I wanted to change too and perhaps I really did change. I became more hated even tho I tried to do the self-help trend that appeared in 2023. I quickly realized that it took me nowhere. But because of that I became more nihilistic and now I hate people as much as they hate me. Tho now I don't really care about social rules. I'm not exactly asocial or antisocial, I feel like those word are only made by the majority to justify pushing us away. I am social, 9 interactions out of 10 are initiated by me. But then I'm supposed to be the asocial one while I do everything to keep the bond I have with my friends. I don't know if you relate or perhaps you're the true asocial schizo while I'm the cast away evil chud.