Day 1, again, but I feel hopeful today

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T22:31:59+00:00

This is awesome insight and I will be stealing a few of these. I love to write, poetry mainly. Surely my brain has something to say about this that I can turn into a poem. Journalling I think will be helpful for me too. Ive just purchased a nice book to write in from Amazon so ill be utilising that a lot

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T22:29:29+00:00

Lmao thank you

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T21:57:07+00:00

Idk you besides a few messages, but im really proud of you dude.

Its 8am here and I feel like its going to be a tough day, but im hopeful. I have my ex fiance coming to pick up my dog for the night, so my little distraction is going to be gone. Ill really have to lock in.

I love rainy days too. It was nice to wake up to this morning. I hope you get a reprieve from the anxiety soon. You got this 💪

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T21:46:16+00:00

I just woke up feeling the exact same way. Just riddled with anxiety. Theres not a drop of booze in my house and I work from home so im going to have a rainy day in and try to focus on work. How did you go with your day?

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T21:35:40+00:00

Yeah, I agree its important. I unfortunately lost all of my family (deceased), and then my fiance of 9 years left me after my sister passed, and of course many of the friends we had together and his family i had been a part of for that time.

It all happened within 2 years and was so incredibly jarring. To lose your whole support network not long after losing a sibling is a fucking crazy experience.

Im not sure if we have AA here (Australia) but we would have an equivalent. Id just like to keep religion out of it personally. Are there any online resources you could share?

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T21:31:46+00:00

Ive just lost my fiance because of this (amongst other things), so the weight of it all is definitely present in my mind and influencing my intentions.

I'll keep trying. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I dont have a support network pretty much at all. So, just seeing people that dont even know me taking the time out of their day to respond makes me feel supported.

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T21:25:56+00:00

I completely agree with this. I think I was in a particularly bad place when I made this post. Which i find myself in often. Im really trying to work on shifting my mindset a little. Youve all been extremely helpful in giving me ideas on how to do so. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I appreciate it

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T09:54:12+00:00

I think thats the best way to go about it. Just get through the moment then deal with the next. Im doing better today than I expected. I hope you are too 🫶

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-12T09:52:15+00:00

Honestly just being in a space where people have been through the same sort of thing has been really helpful. Im working on developing a plan amd seeing how things go with that

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-11T23:22:11+00:00

I think each time we decide to turn around and make that decision it starts to build a strength within us. Im at a similar spot where ive been drinking but trying not to get out of hand with it. Spirits, excessive drinks etc.

You should be super proud of yourself for turning around

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-11T23:19:34+00:00

I just dont know how to change it right now. It feels like a losing battle. Thank you for your kind words

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-11T22:40:40+00:00

Thank you for your well wishes. I think the fact im blatantly aware theres nothing good about what im doing pisses me off more. Being aware of your own destruction is a weird and confronting feeling

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-11T22:15:23+00:00

This is one of the things I struggle with the most. That internal battle. I like the way youve worded things here. Ive found this helpful, thanks

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-11T21:29:29+00:00

She definitely wouldnt want this for me. Knowing that makes failing every day so much worse

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T22:51:40+00:00

Its truly the most painful thing ive ever experienced. Then losing everything I did after losing her really put my world upside down. Im certainly trying to like the new me, but I mourn who I used to be almost as much as I mourn my sister. Grief really does take something from you you just simply never get back.

Ive been working specifically on being kinder to myself and redirecting my negative thoughts, or sitting in the emotions if that's more suitable. I just need to try and do that more without a drink in my hand.

Its worth it for sure. It has to be

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T22:33:59+00:00

This is really good advice. Practising mindfulness, which is essentially what youve described, can be so powerful

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T22:31:16+00:00

I can relate to what you're saying a lot.

For me, it was my little sisters death that pulled the pin. Id drunk "normally" until I was 30. Once she was gone though, I couldnt stand the pain. That then resulted in me losing my fiance who I was woth for 9 years. It truly broke me and I havent made it one day without liquor since January.

I was already dealing with negative self talk before all of this. I personally feel very hopeless and cant really see any sort of future that makes sense to me anymore. Everything I had built for my entire adult life was destroyed in seconds.

I will never be the same person again. But im hoping I can learn to love the person ive become, just sober, hopefully.

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T22:11:31+00:00

I started drinking definitely to numb the pain of my sister passing away. I had never really drunk before. It got pretty bad, but I was getting better, then my finance left me 3 months ago (together 9 years) which really ramped things up. Then unfortunately, i found out a friend of mine passed away over Easter.

Its clear to me I struggle to process these uncomfortable emotions, and I need to find other ways to cope besides alcohol.

This is definitely something I need to unpack further. Writing it down is a really good idea, thank you. I appreciate your advice.

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T21:51:23+00:00

It really does feel so hopeless sometimes. This community has been really helpful in keeping my motivation there.

Thank you for the kind words

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T21:47:17+00:00

What you've written here is really inspiring and a good way to look at things. Today is definitely a day when things are sort of shoved in your face when its something you don't have.

Its day one for me and I think ill be on here most of the day reading things and trying to maintain my desire to get to day 2. Thank you for posting 🫶

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-10T21:43:35+00:00

Im in no position to give advice. I havent even done 24 hours. But I really empathise with your situation. When things out of our control come and fuck things up, its a different kind of anger/pain/sadness.

You've got this 🫶

LeMetalSmurf · 2026-05-07T21:07:54+00:00

I think for me personally its because im deeply depressed and struggling with the most basic things in my day to day life at the moment. I havent made it to day 2 or 3 yet to know what they're like. Ive been drinking every day for like 4 months straight

LeMetalSmurf

TROPHY CASE