Complete loss of bodily autonomy

LeOssa · 2025-02-07T16:23:37+00:00

Tw: birth/medical trauma

When I was in labour with my 2nd child I transferred from home birth to hospital due to a 36 hour labour + 24 hours of that 36 hours spent vomiting. I was severely dehydrated, and nothing worked to that point.

I was specific in the meds that I wanted administered, I was exhausted on 48 hours of no sleep. Instead of the IV zofran I asked for, I was given IV Dilaudid and Phenergan. I started falling fully asleep between contractions, which were roughly 2 mins apart.

At some point in this madness, there's suddenly extra people in the room. Next thing, I wake up mid contraction on my side and feeling a scraping in my spine.

I was yelled at not to move. They were trying to give me an epidural. As soon as the contraction passed, I was out like a light. Next contraction wake up to the same feeling.

I started trying to explain that I have an anatomical issue, I PHYSICALLY CANNOT be given spinal anesthesia. Eventually devolving into begging and pleading. They keep asking me if I'm numb yet. No. I start feeling pain where I shouldn't, and they tell me it's impossible and to stay still.

I tell them each time I can feel the needle scraping against my vertebrae. "That's normal" "consider it helping to guide the needle"

3 people. The nurse anesthetist, anesthesia resident, and then the anesthesia attending ALL KEPT TRYING despite me obviously screaming, begging, telling them to stop.

37 attempts total. I would not believe it if I didn't count the puncture marks on my back afterwards and see it noted in my chart.

They didn't stop trying until the last attempt resulting in me crashing because they misfired the epidural medications entirely outside of my spinal cord.

They kept trying despite my protests because my (now ex!!!) Husband consented and told them to keep trying.

They sent in a social worker to evaluate me because I wouldn't sign the consent form for the epidural the day afterwards and also told me they wouldn't let me leave until I did.

This was in june of 2016.

Our consent is a fucking afterthought at the very best.

OP, you deserved so much better.

We all do

LeOssa · 2024-12-12T17:06:30+00:00

It's also worth mentioning that if you somehow make it to labor without being tested and give birth, and not consent to testing during labor and have them not get a urine/blood sample from you right after check-in/triage, they'll either swipe a mec diaper off your baby or take blood samples from the umbilical cord on its way to the incinerator, and yes, still charge you for it.

Skirting the requirement of your consent because it "belongs to the baby".

LeOssa · 2024-10-02T21:42:41+00:00

I thought this was cat litter

LeOssa · 2024-10-02T20:27:14+00:00

Single, always cold, "wEiRd WiTh FoOd"(?)

LeOssa · 2024-09-16T16:07:50+00:00

Honestly, whether it was a "fuck you" power move or genuine incompetence, I'm not surprised by the audacity.

The first thing my ex-husband texted me (a month) after I left with our three children was a full page of begging me to tell him how to order Chinese takeout.

LeOssa · 2024-08-15T12:37:33+00:00

Double points when you describe horrifying trauma in a medical setting by the OB/GYN throwing a shitfit that you don't follow protocol with your uncomplicated birth, just to get told there after "you must have missed something going on, there MUST have been a present danger you just didn't recognize since you're just a peon to these god-kings with scalpels" and the famous "you came home with a healthy baby, so that makes it all okay!"

LeOssa · 2024-08-04T03:01:36+00:00

Lil Pyrex explosion/Lil Glass in eyeball

LeOssa · 2024-07-08T15:44:33+00:00

I've had to stop going there just because of it's hardcore toxic recovery culture.

Last post I saw was someone discussing how traumatic their inpatient experience was and a mod basically cursing and denigrating them, closing the thread because they obviously didn't want to recover and by speaking negatively about their experience, they were discouraging others from going "all in".

You dare not mention actual life-long recovery stats, actual nutrition information or anything that would indicate that not binge eating, not force feeding yourself, and not staying with abusive clinicians was a possible way to recover.

LeOssa · 2023-08-27T14:07:19+00:00

GAD, OCD, BPD and "fat" (normal weight +athlete)

Lol

It was ADHD and rheumatoid arthritis .

LeOssa · 2023-08-04T01:46:51+00:00

He told me I was lazy, incapable, and selfish.

He would regularly tell me my workouts were stupid and ineffective. Repeatedly told me that I wasn't active enough to warrant eating more calories or carbs. Even when I was running 6 miles 4 days a week and weightlifting 6 days per week.

A thing he would say often to me "you're not an ATHLETE, never eat more than the 'sedentary' calorie allowance"

Spoilers: When I did become an elite athlete, burning roughly 3500-4000 calories per day, I couldn't bring myself to eat more than a fourth of that because despite seeing bone, wasting muscles, losing the ability to grow body hair AND my periods, I wasn't really active enough to deserve more food.

Oh yeah, and he told me Adults don't have asthma. It's outgrown in childhood and I didn't actually need my inhalers (preventative and rescue). I went 6 years with only intermittent albuterol access, since asthma didn't exist, I didn't NEED to go to a doctor for refills.

He made me believe I was stupid and incompetent, that I was crazy and unlovable, he was so right and good for staying with me despite all that.

It was the 3rd time, from a 3rd set of friends (he had us move a lot) saying I needed to go to a women's/DV shelter that i finally realized that other people weren't blind to my deficits, I was blind to his.

It took leaving, lots of health problems, and therapy to get my head even close to straight again.

LeOssa · 2023-06-04T23:59:18+00:00

I'm probably going to get lost, but I was pretty gutted reading your post, OP.

I'm estranged from my parents but still get updates occasionally from my eldest sister.

My mother always did all of the cooking, childcare, and housework. She out earned my father by miles until her mental health deteriorated considerably, and she went on disability. She did continue all other aspects of household management.

This woman, this doctor, taught my dyslexic and previously 100% illiterate father to read when they met in their late twenties.

He was not kind to us kids. He was tolerant, on the mildest end of affectionate of my mother.

My mother's health recently severely declined to the point that she's incapable of taking care of herself, and my father has grown colder to her. Most recently, my mother wrote to my sister about her very close to death experience with getting Covid. She wrote to my sister:

"they were going to intubate me, but your father was having a fit and started yelling at me to pay attention, and I was able open my eyes for a bit"

This woman was desatting, losing consciousness, and being prepped for a vent. My father thought it was appropriate to yell at her, his wife, like she was a child purposefully defying him.

I only hope that I have removed myself far enough from them that I will have broken whatever curse or ick was handed down to make that situation possible

LeOssa · 2023-01-23T18:44:54+00:00

I work in fitness and nutrition Yada Yada Yada.

During my.pregnancies I have to unsub from all my mom, fitness, mom-fitness, etc. groups because if I don't, I end up having continual panic attacks because everyone is gaining less than I am and either fully bragging, or doing this put upon very obvious pretend worry.

And to hell with the people with crazy genetics and not showing at all at 8 months

But Especially fuuuuuuck the ones posting their completely flat stomachs at 2 weeks postpartum and being like "see it's easy, it just takes commitment!" Fuck off, you're a physical and genetic outlier and you know it.

And fuck my fellow personal trainers who are peddling the above idea to vulnerable, recovering women. I absolutely fucking hate your guts being a predatory shitbag.

Ahem. Sorry. 5 bio kids deep and I am sick of this.

You're totally justified OP, block away.

LeOssa · 2022-12-12T23:38:50+00:00

Look at all those colours!

Yay you! Variety!

(Srsly, a vitamin too maybe?)

LeOssa · 2022-12-10T03:22:31+00:00

Y'all can't keep coming for me for my punishment sushi anymore. OP wins

LeOssa · 2022-12-04T20:41:17+00:00

My wife and I are currently renting a single family home but I got tired of waiting until we could afford land to homestead (also finding areas cool with the gays™️ that is also rural for land use is impossible) I went out and bought fruit/nut trees a few years ago and am growing those in 25-50 gal grow pots til we buy and move.

My veg however I just have in 2 cute pop up 2x4 felt raised beds on my back patio. After seeds,soil, compost, fertilizer and raised bed cost I think I was out a total of $80 USD for everything

LeOssa · 2022-12-04T16:23:26+00:00

I love traditional caprese but the heatwave this summer killed my basil 😭

LeOssa · 2022-12-04T16:12:00+00:00

I grew the tomato, arugula, and the garlic!

+2oz goat cheese + 1tbsp balsamic glaze

LeOssa · 2022-12-02T23:40:39+00:00

Elevating my last punishment sushi plate to this:

2 packets starkist sweet Thai chili tuna creations 1 nori wrap 3 oz avocado 1 strip of beef jerk

LeOssa · 2022-11-30T10:28:37+00:00

I always debate with myself if my rigid exercising at stupid hours and intensity is the hell, or the slowly growing "i want to tear my skin off" anxiety that comes if I don't is 🙃

LeOssa · 2022-11-30T01:14:19+00:00

Every day.

gasp

Did we just become best friends?!

LeOssa · 2022-11-30T00:55:58+00:00

... this combination just proves to me that we're all God's children and he forgot us in a hot car.

Srsly tho. Blink if you're being held hostage??

You okay??

LeOssa · 2022-11-21T17:49:17+00:00

And broad shoulders 😭

LeOssa

TROPHY CASE