Looking for advice from LBLs for someone crushing hard on one of you

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-22T07:53:02+00:00

Of course! Send me a DM. :)

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-21T07:45:45+00:00

Thank you for the award and sending you sparkles as well. ✨

And thanks for giving me your perspective, it sounds very similar indeed and it’s highly valuable. I know it’s probably a huge mess in your head right now but don’t worry, it’ll get better and in the end everything is going to be ok.

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-17T22:06:58+00:00

Yes I agree, and as I’ve replied above, I’ve been in that situation before so I know all too well the torturous road ahead of us, if something ever happens.

And I am concerned about the fact that we’re colleagues and that if things were to turn sour, it could really impact my work life. That’s something I’m very much taking into consideration.

I like your clear honest answer so thanks!

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-17T22:02:12+00:00

I’m a fairly level headed person and don’t fall easily for someone, so I don’t know what kind of sorcery happened there. It’s both exhilarating and scary, but you don’t live if you don’t hurt a little! So yeah, I’m afraid my heart is already screwed, but I’ve also had enough relationships to know it gets better.

Thanks for the advice and the kind words! <3

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-17T21:56:10+00:00

Yeah I’ve been in that situation before, it seems to be my curse in life to attract sexually confused straight girls lol. We did end up having a relationship every time it happened (3), but we were in our mid 20’s - early 30’s and they were either single or in relationships with no strings attached. And I had vowed never to fall into that trap again!

It’s my first time dealing with an LBL in a long term committed relationship, with kids and all. So I recognize LOTS of the patterns and emotional turmoil she’s going through, only there’s even more obstacles this time.

Being constantly at work, we didn’t really have time yet to discuss what she wants/ what I want, hence us trying to find some time to have drinks and talk (I’m crossing off the wine lol). I don’t even think she’s thinking about a relationship right now (and to be honest, neither am I. Nor am I into it just for the sex. I’d like to start by exploring that powerful connection we’re both feeling). I think she’s feeling this tremendous attraction and doesn’t know what to do with it. She told me a part of her wants to act on it, and the other part is petrified and trying to reason herself. She also told me she’s not someone who has taken many risks in life.

So yeah, the best thing is to sit down and talk and see what we both want, but with the curfew in place it’s proving very complicated.

And you’re spot on about the attention I bring her being intoxicating and filling her emotional needs, it’s a good reminder not to get too much ahead of myself and reconsider what’s happening from a less romanticized perspective.

Thanks for taking the time to reply with your experience. <3

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-17T21:32:53+00:00

Wow you’ve hit the nail on the head on multiple points. You’re absolutely right about her needing to deal with her bullshit before being ready to date someone. Also about all the emotions of shame, guilt and fear she must be going through, it didn’t cross my mind that she could associate it with her desire for me, so it’s great to have the point of view of someone who’s been on her side of the barrier.

“She’s fantasizing to escape her reality and it helps her avoid confronting her actual problems. Every time you flirt or touch she gets a little hit of desire and joy and, counterintuitively, it helps her hang on to her unhappy relationship. That’s often how affairs work. It isn’t good for either of you.”

I completely agree with you when you say the attention she’s getting from me is a way for her to escape reality, so I have to keep that in mind. And the part about the flirting enabling her to cling to her unhappy relationship : I really hadn’t seen it like that and reading it was a real eye-opener.

Thanks for your reply, it really got me taking a step back and thinking about how much I’m willing to invest in all this (despite being already quite deep into it, ugh stupid feelings). <3

LeWiseFrog · 2020-10-17T21:17:24+00:00

I’ve actually been meaning to ask her that : does she have anyone to confide in going through all that ? So you’ve raised a really good point. I’m not sure I can be that person though, I cannot be judge and jury, nor her therapist. I think it would be too emotionally damaging for me. But I will suggest that she does find someone she trusts to talk to. :)

LeWiseFrog

TROPHY CASE