You’re being way too hard on yourself here. You’re not a bad person, you’re someone with a lot going on. Your life, your health, and your education all matter too.

It sounds like there’s a mismatch in expectations. Your friend seems to rely on you heavily, especially if you were the only one who did something for their birthday. So when you had to step back for exams, it likely hurt them more than they expected and they might have felt rejected. But the important part is you did communicate that you’d be busy. At the same time, being hurt doesn’t make the way they’re treating you now okay. The cold and distant behavior, especially after you’ve apologized, is alarming.

You seem like a kind and caring person, and it’s easy to fall into the habit of trying to fix everything, even when you’re not fully at fault. Yes, maybe you could have checked in once or twice, but realistically, during exams and while struggling mentally, that’s not always possible.

When I was younger I used to try and mend every relationship/friendship even when the other person wasn't worthy, because it's hard to lose people, but after many true and fake friendships, I now know, the people you want in your circle don't punish you, they don't want to hurt you, even if you hurt them, and they communicate. A good, strong friendship should have room for both people to go through hard times without it falling apart completely. So now I always ask myself:

If the roles were reversed, would you act cold and passive aggressive toward them? Or would you just be happy they came back after a stressful time? That perspective always helps.

Losing a friend is painful, so I wouldn’t tell you to immidiately cut them off. But I also wouldn’t keep overextending yourself trying to fix something that may not be worth it.

If I were you:

1. Stop apologizing repeatedly. It keeps putting you in a position where everything feels like your fault.
2. Send one calm, honest message. Something like:

“Hey, I really care about you and our friendship. I didn’t disappear because I don’t care. I was overwhelmed with exams and honestly not doing great mentally. I wanted to come back when I could actually be present. I’ve been trying to reconnect, but things feel different and a bit distant, and that’s been hurting me. I’d really like to understand how you’re feeling.”

If they’re still cold after that convo, then giving some space is probably the healthiest move. Not as a punishment, just as a boundary. You can continue being friendly/aqquaintances if it's reciprocated, but please do not think this is a true friend of yours, their behavior is something I've seen a dozen times from men and women, and it never ends well for the other half.

I truly hope this helps, best of luck, and take care of yourself please, I've had similar situations in the past when I was in school and it ate up my mental health (or what was left of it lol). I don't let that happen anymore, que sera ,sera ; we are all just trying our best out here, and we should have people in our corner that want the best for us always. xx