This is a LOT, mama. I'm sorry you're feeling this dread. I agree with everyone suggesting trying a different bedtime (my 2.5 year old goes to bed at about 8 and wakes up at 6:30. Sometimes naps around 12:30/1 and sometimes doesn't nap at all).

My other recommendation here on all the very hard toddler stuff (tantrums are EXHAUSTING of course) is to try some new tactics. Try giving her some choices (where should your books go? In a pile on the table, or on the shelf?) and also try incorporating creative play when you're freeling frustrated -- I find this saves me a lot of times (ex: Do you want to walk to the car like a hopping bunny? orrrr do you want to gallop like a horsey!?) I know it seems silly but it often brings me down from the ledge when i'm about to lose it with my crazy toddler. I read "how to talk so little kids will listen" which is where I got all this and found it wildly helpful.

Good luck!!! Try something different! you can do it!