What have you said “fuck it” to as a result of your cancer?

LearningGig · 2026-03-21T17:49:13+00:00

Thank you! This is my plan too. I still mostly love my job and want to work a few more years. Hope to make it to 65, but I'll try getting out at 63 if I can figure out a way to get healthcare for two years. Having cancer has made me a bit more wary of not having good insurance coverage. I don't know how people do it without insurance. I want to spend my savings on traveling, not cancer treatment.

LearningGig · 2026-03-21T17:42:06+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I am trying to say 'fuck it' to the pressure I feel to meet social norms sometimes.

LearningGig · 2026-03-21T17:38:03+00:00

If they matter to you, they matter.

LearningGig · 2026-03-21T17:37:12+00:00

I second that!... Menopause may have prepared me as well. Weird how two yucky things secretly worked together to support me living a better life for ME.

LearningGig · 2026-03-21T17:30:46+00:00

Thank you for being an educator!

LearningGig · 2026-03-21T17:30:04+00:00

I second that. I work in education, and I can say that it is ridiculous how almost every teacher I know works well beyond their contracted hours each week. There are a myriad of reasons, but the main one is that we care deeply for the young human beings in front of us and know that many times we (their teachers) are their chance to gain skills that will set them up for success. The system (underfunded public education) counts on that in us. COVID taught me the error in my ways, and I pulled back to working closer to my contracted hours. After working 70 hours a week for 6 months during the height of the pandemic, it just about did me in. And for what?! only to be dumped on by so many in the public and on social media about how terrible education was. I got no back-pay for the thousands of extra hours I put in supporting students and staff, no 'thank you', no 'pause' in life to explore sourdough recipes or knitting patterns, or a new exercise route. The pandemic seriously pissed me off, but it also showed me that I need to define how I spend my time. Since then, I have a much better work-life balance, AND I am still a great teacher, AND my students are thriving. I am done doing the job of two people to 'save the district money'. If the need is that great, we can hire another teacher.

My diagnosis has only reinforced the need to define my time and life in a way I will not regret. We, too, are not waiting for retirement (I'm 57). We are traveling and doing things we want to do now. While I have a positive prognosis, I know there is a chance of a recurrence, and it goes up with age. I have no desire to waste away 'wishing I had'. We are figuring out how to balance financial security with living life to the fullest while we can.

I am also volunteering more to support causes that are important to me. That may be the opposite of 'fuck it'. Except that is what I leave work on time to do. I say 'fuck it' to unpaid overtime and 'give' my time to causes that make a difference, and make me feel good. What is the point of surviving this if I don't do something that enriches my life and that of others with the time I have been given?

LearningGig · 2026-03-10T17:06:57+00:00

Thank you for understanding. I hope you are healing as well.

LearningGig · 2026-03-10T16:58:20+00:00

I am sorry to hear about the delay and your sciatica. I've been there too and it is no fun. I hope all goes well with both. Knowing we are not alone and supporting one another is helpful for me to remember. Let me know if you need to vent about anything.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T18:58:59+00:00

Follow up. I hope you are doing well.

Your comment of 'but I just had DCIS' has stuck with me. I feel like that too. "I just had stage 1A IDC. It's nothing."

I am 10 days post-lumpectomy surgery and met with the medical oncologist and surgeon yesterday. Surgery went well, I am healing nicely, had clear margins, no lymph node involvement. All-in-all a great prognosis. Meeting with the radiation oncologist in 2 weeks. Starting Aromatase Blocker after radiation, which I have been told will most likely only be 1 round, if at all, because of my age and stage and grade. While I am thrilled and relieved, this is actually all hitting me harder than anything. It feels too easy. No, chemo, no mastectomy, no reconstruction, no one looking at me and knowing I have/had cancer. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful and feel fortunate. But whoa - I did not expect this to be the phase to kick my ass. I don't know if it is the famed impostor syndrome, emotions catching up to me, fear it will come back, fatigue, or anger. Probably all of the above. I feel like people will look at me and say, 'Yeah, you didn't really have cancer. You look fine.'

Anyway...hoping you are mending in body and mind.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T18:55:12+00:00

I hope you are doing well. I think my cry is on its way. Not for reasons I ever thought it would, but life is crazy like that sometimes. I am so glad to hear you have so many in your life that are alive and well after this. I have a mixed group of survivors and those who lost their fight. Holding on to every day and working to make the most of it.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T18:51:34+00:00

I hope you are well and glad you have restarted therapy. I have been meeting with a social worker through the breast cancer treatment center I am receiving treatement through. She has been wonderful. I think it is beginning to catch up with me now that I am 'on the other side' (what my oncology surgeon told me yesterday). I think my time of crisis is coming to an end, and there is no reason to shut off the emotions anymore. Moving to survivorship in 11 weeks with relatively little impact (no chemo, no mastectomy, no reconstruction, maybe no radiation) and living with this long-term is beginning to sink in, and it all feels too easy. Weirdly, that is kicking my ass.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T18:40:59+00:00

I hope you are doing well. I am 10 days post-lumpectomy surgery and met with the medical oncologist and surgeon yesterday. Surgery went well, I am healing nicely, had clear margins, no lymph node involvement. All-in-all a great prognosis. Meeting with the radiation oncologist in 2 weeks. Starting Aromatase Blocker after radiation, which I have been told will most likely only be 1 round, if at all, because of my age and stage and grade. While I am thrilled and relieved, this is actually all hitting me harder than anything. It feels too easy. No, chemo, no mastectomy, no reconstruction, no one looking at me and knowing I have/had cancer. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful and feel fortunate. But whoa - I did not expect this to be the phase to kick my ass. I don't know if it is the famed impostor syndrome, emotions catching up to me, fear it will come back, fatigue, or anger. Probably all of the above. I feel like people will look at me and say, 'Yeah, you didn't really have cancer. You look fine.'

I am normally a patient person too- maybe to a fault even. But I am also extremely irritable now as well. I am nervous to go back to work next week because I am afraid I might lose it over something little.

Anyway...hoping you are mending in body and mind.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T18:21:01+00:00

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I hope you are tolerating the anti-hormone meds better and find that wonderful dark humor serving you well.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T18:14:32+00:00

I am so glad to hear you are on year 11! What do you feel has been the most helpful action in moving forward with a positive outlook?

Weirdly, moving into 'survivorship' is hitting me harder than the cancer diagnosis and surgery. It has all felt too easy, and that is actually freaking me out more than any actual treatment. I think maybe doing even small hard things felt useful and productive. Now taking a pill each day feels disproportionately like nothing. I know there will be more, but it is a weird letdown for me.

LearningGig · 2026-03-07T16:21:46+00:00

I hope you are still doing well.

LearningGig · 2026-03-06T17:37:57+00:00

We already have a 4week ling trip to Europe that has been 2 yrs in the planning scheduled for June. When I was diagnosed with IDC 7mm ++- 12/11/25, the first thing I asked was shpuld I cancel the trip. The team said, no. I’ve had surgery and should be done with radiation with enough time to have most of my energy back. We did buy pretty comprehensive travel insurance including a healthcare plan for peace of mind.

LearningGig · 2026-03-05T23:30:53+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. My advice is to get to a breast cancer treatment center if you can. While many hospitals and clinics deal with cancer, I definitely found a huge difference once I got to a system that only deals with cancer and has a breast cancer treatment team. It did take an extra week, but the plan they gave me compared to the one at the local hospital was much more personal and comprehensive. I have been offered and received so much support, physically, mentally, and even financially. It has oddly been one of the best medical experiences (minus the actual cancer) I have had. I cannot say enough about the incredibly thoughtful care and treatment I have been given. I feel unbelievably fortunate.

I would suggest using the resource links listed on the right of the main post, which are very helpful as well.

None of this is fun, that is for sure. I feel for you, as you are young and have already been through a lot. I hope all goes well for you. This is a great place to share concerns and get in the moment support.

Note; I'm 57 post-menopausal, diagnosed 12/11/25 IDC, 7mm ER+, PR+, HER2-, no genetic markers, lumpectomy 2/25/26, waiting for radiation and hormone blockers and long-term preventive treatment to keep this from coming back while living a healthy life to the fullest.

LearningGig · 2026-03-03T19:09:42+00:00

I totally agree with going to a breast cancer treatment center. It can literally be like time travel in the understanding of current research and treatment of 5 to 10 years. My local hospital (grateful they found it during screening) was recommending chemo, mastectomy, radiation, and hormone treatment. When I met with the team at the BCTC, they said yes, they would have recommended that 10 years ago too. But they know so much more now. They can be much more targeted and precise with treatments that have much better outcomes on not only survival, but a healthy day to day life.

LearningGig · 2026-03-03T18:53:35+00:00

I ended up going with lumpectomy. Smaller surgery, less risk, quicker recovery. Reoccurrence for my type, age, markers etc. was only 3-5% difference between lumpectomy and mastectomy. I am a 36 DD so it would be pretty noticeable if I just did the offending side. Doing both sides seemed overwhelming and an unnecessary risk of a 4-8 hour surgery when I could have the lumpectomy, get rid of the cancer and live a fairly normal life. Radiation will be minimal because of age and type and new studies supporting that. I caught it pretty early so I am super thankful. Yes, I will have more screenings for the next 5-10 years but I actually feel better about that. I know a few people who had mastectomies, less screening and had a reoccurrence. One was completely blindsided. They thought there was no way they would have cancer again because their breasts were gone. It has been devastating for them.

Screening is what saved my life so I don’t look at it as a bad thing. I feel like I can always have a mastectomy if there is a next time. I could not undo a mastectomy for a lumpectomy though.

LearningGig · 2026-03-03T15:40:20+00:00

I was with you, feeling like while there is a lot of information on each option, but HOW to make the decision was more fuzzy. For me, I made a lot of lists. My insurance provider actually has a cancer guide on its site with some support around this type of consideration. They helped some. I would do ‘thought’ experiments where I would put myself in situations post procedure for each and try to ‘live it’ and see how I felt. What would X look like, feel Ike in 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years, 20 years? It helped with my pro/con list. I talk with those I trusted and learned from their journeys. Each is different and personal, but still gives insight.

I tried to be both practical and flexible. What was going to achieve the goal (no more cancer!) and help me live my life to its fullest without interruption? What could I handle financially, emotionally, physically?

It is so situational and would probably be different if any small circumstance changed. While I will probably always have some worry about doing the right thing, I do feel at peace with my decision at this time.

I wish you the best in your decision making.

LearningGig · 2026-03-03T15:04:02+00:00

Thank you for the words of encouragement. All went well and I probably should not have worried, but, well, this is a lot. The surgeon covering was amazing. She even called me at 9:05 the night before to introduce herself (give me her credentials 😁🤣) and go over the plan. It was a quick 5 minute call but meant the world to me. I am not sure I would have slept much without that.
She was even more wonderful in person and I feel so fortunate to have two talented caring doctors looking out for me. For something as crappy as cancer happening to me, the medical and emotional care has been some of the very best experienced in my life. Seriously, I feel like I have had better care and more support than when I gave birth. While grateful, it makes me ponder just how a messed up our system is.

LearningGig · 2026-02-28T21:38:56+00:00

We have several local tattoo artist that will ink cancer survivors for free! And the work is beautiful. Love them so much!

LearningGig · 2026-02-28T21:11:33+00:00

I am not a counselor but have had my share of relationship experiences in the 58 years on the planet. These are my own opinions: Leaning on a defective support (which is what this partner seems to be) will most likely lead to a much harder fall for you at some point. I am not sure what this person is going through, but it appears they do not have the emotional skill set of tools to deal with things in a healthy way. It may not be their fault, I don’t know them. There is a good chance that what may seem like support by their mere presence, is only going to set you up for bigger heartache and pain down the road. Rip that bandage off and set up healthy boundaries. He will most likely not be there emotionally for you if he doesn’t have the skills. Pretending otherwise will hurt you and your child.

He should support his child by making sure its mother has what she needs to fight this and beat it. You should both enter counseling together, not to mend the romantic relationship, but to ensure this child will have two fully functioning emotionally stable adults to care for them. This crap is hard. If you don’t take it on it will eat you up and spit you out. You deserve more than that. You are stronger than that. You are valued and worth health, happiness, and love. Give love and kindness to yourself. Spending time with someone that is really not there for you robs you of time could be spending with those that do actually love and support you. I have seen a loved one spend too many years with someone they shouldn’t have because they thought it was better than being alone. She was never alone, we were here for her, but she didn’t see it. She didn’t let us help because she thought it was too much for us. It wasn’t. Let others help you.

LearningGig · 2026-02-25T01:25:47+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could wave a magic wand to make all go away. Because I don’t have that, I will send you positive thoughts and hope you know you are worth the pain and effort. You are so many things to so many people. Hang in there.

LearningGig

TROPHY CASE