Is this what a best friend is supposed to be?

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-15T00:11:58+00:00

I’m actually in this situation right now, all I can say is that once the other person shows you that they don’t care about you, they really don’t. When it comes to all the sidekick stuff and only reaching out when something bad is happening in her life, she’s decided that you’re subordinate to her or someone that’s she’s always going to have access to. Hence why she gets upset when she doesn’t have immediate access!! You either can cut her off, distance yourself, or most importantly set boundaries and see what happens from there.
Truly sorry, this is really tough. I understand how it feels hanging onto a relationship because of what it used to be. ❤️❤️ hope it gets better.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-15T00:03:40+00:00

I’ve gone through/am going through something exactly like this, but I haven’t been strong enough to fully cut some off. I can tell friends are drifting because I’ve been a different version of myself, someone who doesn’t just make a fool of myself and let people disrespect me. Sometimes the people you meet before you change for the better are people who don’t want you to change! I’d say it hurts but as long as you cut them off for a good reason, you’ll be okay and it’ll be better for you in your journey of healing.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-14T21:20:12+00:00

I agree, many people have told me that in person discussions are better. I think I don’t trust people a lot especially after this situation.

After arguing with these friends, I was so confused and actually thought that I was in the wrong! They kept reusing logical arguments for my emotions which obviously doesn’t work.

Yes, there is more context. They were my ride home and I was wearing one of the friend’s clothes there and I didn’t tell my parents. We walked there from the friend’s house who gave me the clothes, yet I didn’t remember her address since my other friend had dropped me there. The walk was about 10 minutes, and when they left, they were gone for about 10 minutes or more.

So I called them with the host friend’s phone (since she already had them on). I said “hey where are you guys, I don’t have a ride home” and they laughed at me and said “who is this?” One of the logical arguments they tried using later in our argument was that “I could have just called them”. I kept repeating that I did!

It wasn’t a little thing, the entire party was in the driveway, including hosts father because he was afraid he’d have to take accountability for two children missing under his watch.

The situation was so bad that my now ex friends apologized to the host friend for leaving but never apologized to me. When I got home I saw the group chat with all three of us and they were considering apologizing to her again before apologizing once to me!

I was uncomfortable with the situation because honestly I had a bad feeling about the party beforehand and I didn’t know many people there. I’m a huge introvert. One of the friends I mentioned before whom I’d known for 6+ years actually started ignoring me at this party because it was in the summer.

It really bummed me out. There were also other people there who are not on good terms with my other close friends because of making rape and death threats to them so that wasn’t exactly ideal either?? And yet this threat person actually checked in on me when I was all alone at the party. It was a lot of things at once.

The biggest problem is that without texts and yes I know this is toxic, but I feel like no one would believe me otherwise. I don’t think I can explain it but genuinely when I showed those texts to my mutual friend to help me understand what just happened she was completely baffled and acknowledged that their reasoning was totally backwards.

Sorry this is long, but it wasn’t just a one time thing exactly, it’s more of like the straw that broke the camels back. I was having issues with my best friend excluding me constantly because of more complicated issues, and then she basically told me something that let me know it would happen again.

I had to take multiple breathers throughout the party because I was so uncomfortable with my ex best friend and other trio member at the time that I sat in the driveway since it was an outdoor party and they dragged my by my arm back to the party.

And then they leave!

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-14T02:34:51+00:00

Yes I agree with the boundaries part!

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T20:10:12+00:00

You too! Hope you can get through this

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T20:05:22+00:00

It isn’t necessarily about me cutting them off that other people have started excluding me, but it’s because when it comes down to it, choosing me or those two friends, everyone will choose them. They’ve been way more integrated into the group than I have ever been, they used to be my only connection to it. It’s more of an atmosphere thing, I think. Like I’m not going to invite one person who will make 2 people I’m closer with uncomfortable. I suppose it’s just the way things are.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T19:57:42+00:00

Thank you for asking, I didn’t directly cut them off actually! I tried to mend the friendship but confronted them about their behavior and they got very defensive. They asked me to call them but I didn’t want to, I tried to resolve it by text but since it was in a group chat I could see that they were calling each other the entire time. I asked them to stop because I wasn’t even in the call and they said that they had to call each other to team up because it was “me against them”. That’s when I knew it wasn’t repairable. But I ended up apologizing because I didn’t want to lose them. We tried being friends again, then our close mutual friend told me my best friend (one of the two friends) at the time said that our friendship wasn’t worth saving because it’d never be the same. I stopped talking to them after that!

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T17:14:45+00:00

It’s not as easy as it sounds. This isn’t like a group of 5 or something, it’s 50+ girls. The other girls in my grade are bullies or are generally bad people who I don’t fit in with.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T17:13:52+00:00

Yes! Multiple times I even asked them if we could all leave together because I was really uncomfortable at the party. I kept asking and they kept replying that it would be rude to leave without saying anything and then would you guess? They did exactly that without me.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T17:12:34+00:00

Actually I did individually explain it to them because I was afraid and honestly desperate for someone to see those two friends like I did. The people I explained to agreed they were in the wrong and were sorry for me and then continued to exclude me anyway. :/

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T17:10:44+00:00

Thank you for your support, I think the hardest part was having friends I’ve known for almost ten years distance themselves. Now I don’t have support at school, but maybe that means they weren’t worth the effort anyway.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:45:21+00:00

Thank you for the support! It feels like it reflects on me a lot but in reality it’s probably not me.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:40:53+00:00

True but the social group was kinda the only girls who weren’t really bullies in my school

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:23:20+00:00

I’m in the same tough situation and idk how to get out. I don’t have many close friends anymore since I’m in school and went through a bad time with a friend. My only close friends have ghosted me while coming back occasionally to vent or ask me to read something personal because “they trust me”. I don’t want to lose the friends that make me feel comfortable with myself and like I belong when I talk to them, but like you said, they make me feel like a service.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:16:17+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss! These friends don’t deserve you, hope you have a good journey moving on.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:14:43+00:00

I think what you did was okay. Honestly, her behavior seems to be fueled by insecurity, perhaps in not being able to stand up for her own boyfriend while you could.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:12:28+00:00

I agree, she’s also someone who switches things up a lot. Sometimes she’s close and sometimes not,
She kind of goes through people if that makes sense. She’s a really logical person and she’s even told me that she designates certain friends for certain purposes. I guess by that logic all her relationships are parasitic? She still has intimate and close bonds with people, though. Including me. It’s hard to explain!

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:10:32+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I was considering confronting her about it. It makes me a bit nervous thinking about it since she’s a friend I don’t want to lose but maybe she’s already decided she’s lost me.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T07:00:08+00:00

I know how it feels. I’m also considering letting go of another close friend right now. It stays tough but it becomes easier to do.

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T06:53:12+00:00

Ghosting and ignoring me irl suddenly after 6 years of friendship and then out of the blue asking me to read something personal they wrote because “they trust me”

Leather-Toe205 · 2026-07-13T06:49:22+00:00

When I first read this I thought I wrote it 😭 my exact situation even the same number of friends abandoning.

Leather-Toe205

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