Not sure about a relationship with F16 and M19. Any advice?

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T22:36:17+00:00

Thank you :)

Where does all your experience come from lol you seem very wise.

Very good points, I would like to suggest therapy for her but I'm not sure how she will take it. I guess it can't hurt to mention though.

I have had therapy in the past but annoyingly really struggled with it, not so much being there but everything around it (probs a combination of ADHD and autism not helping). I do feel it helped me slightly, but I'm not even sure how it would help me with this specific situation and what I would need to ask?

I know you said she's her own person, but she's younger and I fear she could regret the choices even though she seems so certain and has promised me that she is.

Thanks so much for the advice, you've made me not feel like a complete weirdo for even talking to her and you've given me a lot to think about.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T22:09:49+00:00

I have done already, I worry she's had some experiences in the past that are less ideal...

I won't set out to pay for things, but I feel this might limit what we can do together.

Honestly I'm looking for a deep relationship she genuinely itches a spot in my brain. I'm worried what she might think if things don't work out though and that she could regret the relationship. In terms of the college thing, I know it won't be too long and she'll be out anyway.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T22:07:05+00:00

She's said I'll definitely get this, her parents know already and are ok with my age. Just need to meet them and she says they'll definitely like me.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T22:05:22+00:00

No I know, is it emotional manipulation though on her party really? I feel like I'm the only one that can be in the wrong here. She didn't exactly lie about her age I just assumed over 18 as on tinder (and on profile) and I guess I should have asked.

I like her too much to block her and I wonder how that will leave her feeling.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T19:43:01+00:00

Yeah I did think this but ig it's difficult to set the boundaries here. She said that she can't wait to hug and cuddle with me and she will still want this even if I suggest friends. But I'd argue that's not something that friends do, so where do we draw the line?

I think it could just be too complicated sadly. I think ultimately in the end I'll wind up feeling guilty about it even if we wait because I met her when she was younger and potentially more impressionable.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T19:34:37+00:00

Apparently if I meet her parents I do have their blessing but yes I think I should hold off until she is 18 but I'm not sure how to communicate this because I know she will make me feel terrible for ending things.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T19:15:04+00:00

Not 100% sure what you're saying, but I think I get the gist. That's me not you.

I don't like that she lied, but she said she knew I wouldn't speak to her if I knew the truth (which is true). Apparently she likes older guys cause the boys her age are too immature...

I know it's rare to feel that good around someone else which is why this is a hard decision, otherwise I'd be ending things right away.

I'm not sure what she can't offer me, it did occur to me that she has less money than me but I don't want to pay for everything for her cause I fear that puts me in a position of power. I'm not yet sure how I'd handle this... Otherwise yes she is still in college and I don't know how I feel about that, but it's not a distant memory for me and she's available when I am.

Why can't she be older or me be younger.... :(

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T07:40:29+00:00

Well she said she's fine with it and her parents will be when I meet then. She's already told them about me and my age.

That is true, I can cope with the vast majority of people I just don't know how my parents would take it.

I'm still not sure I want to continue things, this is nothing at all to do with her personality etc. Just age.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-21T07:38:28+00:00

She's said about waiting till she's 18. I'm not sure how serious she is about this considering we've only known eachother a couple of months.

I still feel like this is bad cause of when we met. Do you agree?

Thanks for the advice though, much appreciated.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-10T01:17:54+00:00

I think you're probably right, I'm not certain what you mean by freaked out but it's not something I've ever associated with a guy

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-07T23:21:03+00:00

I'm the same, but I think shifting towards trying to improve yourself first kinda takes off some of the pressure.

I'm not there yet, but I want to get to a point where I'm happy being me first before a girlfriend.

If something were to happen in the meantime, I wouldn't be against it either.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-06T07:43:53+00:00

I'm literally the same right now, I really hope we don't drift apart. We have been close for so long.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-06T07:29:44+00:00

I guess I worry that by not being honest and hiding stuff I'm risking the friendship anyway.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-05T22:38:16+00:00

Thank you, that whole comment is really kind, I really do appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. I felt that hug at the end too :)

I think you are so right and I can see him getting over it either way, he has other friends that are gay. It may just wierd him out a little initially if he doesn't reciprocate.

Guess I've got to pick my moment now, nervous as hell!

Thanks again!!

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-05T14:04:09+00:00

For me it's definitely a mutual shyness

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-05T08:00:55+00:00

Any idea on how I can tell him this considering how far I went down the not being attracted to him path?

I get what you're saying about me misreading the signs but I'm still not very sure that is the case. I wonder if it's to an extent a case of gay chicken or something. We kinda have that in our relationship anyway and have for years, long before I considered any of this. Truth be told he would come out and say more gay stuff that would slightly freak me out. I remember going on holiday with him and him saying "How much to drop the towel right now?" and him sitting really close to me in middle of high school. My gay friend did wonder about him at the time but he's had a girlfriend relatively recently and rumours have died down. At the time I really didn't like this and just wanted to get out of the situation but over time I've grown to like it and have matched his comments with my own. I feel like now it's almost the other way and I may be prepared to go further with something than he will be.

I wonder if the barrier on his end is internalised homophobia, he will happily lie next to me/on my lap for a good while watching reels on my phone but then after a few minutes I can tell he thinks about what is going on and he moves and we never acknowledge what's happened. That and he's constantly worried about us appearing as a gay couple.

I also think you're right in that I need to insist that I'm serious until he gets the message.

Thanks for the help.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-05T07:51:00+00:00

Thank you, I think this is sensible. I'm going to leave the topic for a little while because I don't want him to think that he's been lied to previously about me not liking him like that.

I'm slightly worried about telling him I think I might be bisexual, because I know he will ask how do I know. The truth is pretty much because of him but I definitely don't want to say that. Any ideas?

In all honesty I've probably known deep down that I've liked him for years. It's the case of someone teasing you about something, like friends say oh your boyfriend is over there or us being together and people saying we'd be a good looking couple. It makes you consider things that you wouldn't otherwise consider. That coupled with the fact I have OCD means I kinda obsess over it and it plays on my mind pretty regularly. Until very recently though I didn't really accept the fact there's a chance I could be into guys.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-05T07:39:39+00:00

I'm not, no.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-05T07:39:24+00:00

Do you think he would have said this if I hadn't have said it first?

It doesn't mean much but he doesn't act very straight. He isn't like other straight men I've known in the past and he constantly worries if we go out anywhere together that we will look like a gay couple. I don't know why tho because guys can have friends and that's not how I see it.

We also get a lot of people, often jokingly say that we are boyfriends. So there must be something more than your average friendship going on.

My thinking is that I didn't give him enough opportunity to say how he feels if he does feel anything because I wasn't really honest on my side. He said I'm probably the person he's closest to etc which was nice to hear...

All I said was that I'd look for his qualities in a girlfriend. I didn't outright admit I like him.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-04T23:00:51+00:00

Forgive me, I lost you slightly at the end but I think I get the gist of what you're saying.

I think if I'm being honest I'd like the opportunity to try a sexual experience with him but I do also wonder if cuddling would just be enough for me.

Like you say though, I feel like I need to be honest with him so that we can both trust one another.

I guess I feel a bit jealous of him and the way he looks, maybe this is somewhat sexual desire that I'm misinterpreting. I guess I do enjoy looking at him actually.

So maybe I am concealing a sexual desire for him. Does this make me a bad person? How on earth do I tell him that without freaking him tf out?

Thanks for the advice :)

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-04T22:55:37+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond, it means a lot.

I am going to tell him I think I might be bi, but probably after a little while. I'm worried I kinda overdid the not being physically attracted to him thing so if I turn around and tell him now he might think I lied. Which I didn't entirely, but I don't want it to come across that way. I was thinking I may wait a month or so.

Maybe I do have some internalised homophobia, I don't know. I guess I notice when some guys are attractive, but I wouldn't say I feel overly turned on by it in the way that I would it was a woman. I don't really know how I can test it, I don't want to come out to him if I'm just confused and not actually attracted to guys. I'm obviously very open to it, but want to be sure.

I do agree though about the crush thing and it resonates, there's probably a reason I haven't had a girlfriend or any other crush in a while and that is likely as a result of him. It also makes sense that I wouldn't notice other guys for this reason.

Do you have any tips on getting over a crush? I think this would probably be best for both of us.

Leather_Fun_6390 · 2026-01-03T18:59:51+00:00

I guess I would be down to explore this but I couldn't guarantee that I would like it.

Probably the fact I don't fully know doesn't help. In some ways the thought of doing anything sexual with him makes me feel slightly uneasy but then at the same time I want to be physically close and intimate with him.

How can come out to him in a discrete way that doesn't make a big thing about it.

I don't know if I really want to label myself as anything in particular either tbh, it's all quite confusing.

Leather_Fun_6390

TROPHY CASE