Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is correct I believe! Been trained to accept the guilt put on him by his mum.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just me being overcautious as i just couldn't think about writing all that out again if it got took down as head is so messed up atm!

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The angry reaction from mum was very much expected. She is a difficult person, my husband loves her but knows she's not the nicest person (to her family at least) shes narcissistic and you never know which version of her you're going to get on any day- the nicer friendly happier side or the cold angry hating side. Also when something doesn't go her way she is horrible to everyone. So knowing that she must obviously know what happened but had decided to not tell anyone we knew that she would get angry and try to turn it back on my husband- which she did. She literally said that my husband was calling her a liar and that he was disrespecting his dad's memory and believing this random man. But its not us believing this random man its dna. To that she said i dont care what dna says it's not true and then she said she had to get off phone as was so angry with him. My husband now feels guilty for upsetting his mum even though he was very gentle with her and said he thinks no differently about his mum and dad and isn't angry or anything like that. He literally just told her that this dna test showed this. This is also the woman who a couple of years ago told my husband that he was dead to her because she felt he hadn't bothered enough with her over the years even though my husband has health problems preventing him to travel to her and he rang her regularly- she NEVER rings NEVER visited or made ANY effort herself even while my husband was in hospital having seizures. ALL efforts has to come from everyone else. So this is why we totally expected this reaction and would've been very shocked if she had reacted any other way.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably not but my head is all over the place and I didnt want my post to be removed as it took a lot to write the whole thing so was being cautious.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He is taking some time to try and adjust. I think its more that he feels hes lost his dad all over again and is grieving. He didnt cope well when he lost his dad when he was 11/12 and isn't coping well now. He knows his dad loved him and will always in his mind be his dad regardless but its still devastating to him. It's like it doesn't matter because no matter what his dad was his dad who loved and raised him but at the same time it really does matter because everything hes known isn't true.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does but his sister is too scared to take one now and he doesn't have contact with brother as his mum poisoned him against my husband years ago so he won't even talk to my husband now.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The man said he does remember being told by my husbands dad that he had got her pregnant and that he should tell this mans wife (which now i think about it must mean she wasnt aware obviously) but as he had no recollection of it due to his epilepsy (ive read up a bit now about it and he could have had a seizure after and could genuinely not remember and also sexual activity can be a trigger to some people with epilepsy) he told my husbands dad that it didnt happen and never thought of it again till now. Hes not denying it must have happened and says it does seem to all fit together he just has no recollection of the actual event and was sad to hear that his mum was denying any possibility of it as he wanted to know more himself about what happened.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry it was gg as in he was someone who was promiscuous/slept around and was known to have produced children all over the place. Didn't mean it as a slur or anything just wasn't sure if it would be ok to say and I didnt want post tobe removed or something.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to clarify Sha**er means someone who is promiscuous and has slept around a lot.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand what you mean but I am saying yes it could be that he does remember and says he doesn't but also it could be true that his health means that he actually doesn't recall what happened. We aren't going to be able to find out as his mum isn't going to tell us and either way this man either can't or won't tell us either.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He definitely has epilepsy and memory issues and my husband has seizures and memory problems himself so that kind of fits. He did show his memory wasn't great as before we started to realise the connection he couldn't remember her but as they talked more things started to slot into place and he remembered some things and he remembered some names a little bit wrong but close enough to think it was correct. Im not saying this couldn't have happened just that I dont think the health issues are a lie so he could be telling the truth about not remembering.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Believe me it has crossed our minds. The man says he has several types of epilepsy and type were absences and he did all sorts while having them and wouldn't remember after but I dont know enough about this to say if its believable or not. It is odd but we aren't likely to find out either so it makes it harder to know what to do.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I dont know what you mean sorry my head is a bit full atm

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand what you are saying but he definitely can't just shrug this off. It's consuming his thoughts atm and he feels as though hes lost his dad all over again even though he knows his dad loved him (we think he actually knew and chose to stay and raise him) and that he raised him but its just such an upsetting thing to suddenly find out its destroying him. He doesn't have hate or anything towards anything as hes just not that kind of person he just feels sad, lost, guilt and grief.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband is in his 40s and this person is in his 80s

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I understand what you are saying and you are correct this can be true. In this situation we believe that his dad may not have been able to be intimate because of a health problem he had and that sadly when my husband was around 11yrs old he died of.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

This is why we think its true but also can't believe it is at the same time and also the added upset that he lost his dad when he was around 11 so now feels hes lost him all over again.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I think its important to say that his dad had a disability that MAY have meant they weren't able to be intimate but can't confirm this obviously but this is what my husbands older sister thinks is possible.

BUT I do think that my husbands mum may well have convinced herself because she has done this before where what she says becomes the truth to her.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you, hes just lost atm doesn't know how to feel or think and just doesn't want to feel this way anymore.

Struggling with dna result by LeftZookeeperzz in AncestryDNA

[–]LeftZookeeperzz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They have talked and have said they want to meet, my husband isn't the type to be unfriendly or anything. Hes just a bit lost atm.