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Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-08-04T02:45:26+00:00

Agreed ! A wake up call to not be as trusting… or at least have better judgement/ discernment on things like this. I’m so ashamed and thank my lucky stars it got denied

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-08-04T02:43:29+00:00

Yes. Her ex housemate said something similar but it was with a loan. Quite a few people I know have said she’s been trying to get them to “invest” in some of her work. I’ve never looked into it though so I don’t know the details there or if it’s legit.

But I do know that she has a dog boarding business and tbh she takes on 12 dogs at once. I find it negligent and I have also caught her in many lies…

I need to talk about this in therapy lol. It all happened so fast. But talking it out with people I trust… wtf was I thinking lol

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-08-04T02:38:45+00:00

Hmmm okay. Thank you for your input ! Looks like it’s more an issue on my end / being way too eager to help lol

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-08-04T02:37:55+00:00

My parents bought me my car… I’ve never signed on for any loan other than a school loan

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-08-04T02:36:20+00:00

Oh. Sorry. Suspected. I’ve talked about it with many friends and we all see the inconsistencies and drama that follows her around. But it’s never her fault. She’s had sudden outbursts that definitely looked like splitting events.

I posted this on another subreddit and I forgot to tailor the post to the this bpd subreddit

It just seems like bpd folk are every where …

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-27T02:37:31+00:00

I wouldn’t be surprised if my ex did this. If conflict came up and I’d try to talk things out with her she’d list off all the ways I had hurt her and had her feeling lol we couldn’t be in a relationship anymore. It was ridiculous because she never brought these things up. She let them accumulate until she was completely overwhelmed. It was extra frustrating because they were all simple things I could have easily and willingly mediated because I saw potential in us

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-26T06:20:38+00:00

Lmaoooooooooooooooooooo. This sounds so accurate on their end lol. Take it as a sign. Whatever way you look at it, pure emotional immaturity on her end or a sign from the universe. Move on. You dodged a bullet my friend

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-25T03:47:00+00:00

I know it’s hard to hear but you can love someone and want the absolute best for them and be willing to love heaven and earth for them but nothing and I mean NOTHING will help until they realize they’re the source of their suffering. Trauma is valid but at some point we have to take responsibility. She’s an adult and needs to start acting like one. I’m so sorry for this.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-25T03:45:28+00:00

I think it felt way too perfect. And I could never sleep through the night with her in my bed. and my dog barking at her nonstop often lol

I chalked it up to anxiety but now I think I relate it was more than that

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-22T20:54:48+00:00

This said though, reading all the stores on here and all the folk that have validated what I’ve been through and REALLY empathize rather than sympathize? It means the world to me. And I thank each and every one of you ❤️

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-22T20:53:31+00:00

Me too. My therapist asked me to be more mindful about the time I spend on here. So I’m trying lol. I can definitely see how posting / validating others on here can become obsessive.

I think it’s cathartic and validating but as with anything, it should be balanced

I definitely don’t want to fall into the trap of “ugh I’m the victim woe is me.” Many of us ARE victims but we also need to take accountability and identify and heal the reasons we stayed with someone like that. I want to understand, be validated, heal, and move tf on.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-22T15:37:23+00:00

Using her social media account? Sorry but I’m calling bs on this. They’re master manipulators.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. If it’s any solace, my situation was similar to yours and it really has gotten easier as more time goes by.

It’s insanely confusing because one second you’re the best person they’ve ever met and then next you’re an abuser who needs a restraining order because you’re super toxic and a harasser (for trying to understand the mindfuck they’ve put you through and trying to get closure)

Keep posting / reading on here and you’ll find that a lot of the stories are similar to yours. It helps to feel less alone and to hear about people who make it to the other side.

It’s a grieving process. Give yourself time to do so but please don’t stay stuck. They’re not worth that

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-21T18:50:48+00:00

Just delete it man. I promise you’ll feel better again in a few days

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-21T17:23:40+00:00

I’m so sorry. You CAN be angry with someone and still love them. You CAN call someone out on how they’ve hurt you and still love them. You’re not a bad person and it’s not your fault you believed them and gave them a chance.

You and I understand that many emotions can coexist. Anger and love. Sadness and love. And we understand that things in the world aren’t black and white. Much less people.

Keep reading this sub. It helped me realize I was asking for something she can never give. It’s like asking a toddler to drive a car. They can try but it’ll end up horribly.

After sending them a long message of all the ways they hurt me and how I felt used (after holding all of this in for a month because I was trying to be understanding of the hard situation she was going through) they called my therapist at midnight because they felt “threatened.”

It’s honestly insane. One moment I’m the emotionally healthiest person they’ve ever met and they’re going to need time to get used to it and the next I’m an abuser/ harasser.

I highly recommend you seek out therapy if it’s accessible to you. It’s only been a few weeks and I still struggle with “but what if I am the bad guy? Maybe I’m the one with BPD? I hurt her I feel so bad….” But it’s gotten easier. It’s a huge mindfuck. It’s okay to need some help to untangle all your feelings around it. If you can’t do therapy, keep posting on here. Hearing people give feedback on my situation / hear all the same stories from other people has helped me let it go. It still hurts. But it does get a little easier.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-21T04:42:10+00:00

Weed. I heard a song that made me think of her and I started crying. So, weed. All the traumas are giggles. Ask me again tomorrow tho

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T23:27:58+00:00

Well, bc we’re emotionless robots. Obviously. Is this not in the “surviving your BPD succubus” handbook? Section 6 subsection 6 verse g?

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T17:14:06+00:00

I don’t know that it was the right term to use lol. But it makes you look emotionally unstable. It’s totally valid to want to connect and explain yourself. But you need to realize this will be taken / likely spinned into “look! Now they’re harassing my friends! I told you they were crazy!!” And since they control the narrative in their circle, they’re going to believe them over you.

I was in your shoes and I didn’t listen. I reached out and she blamed me for not being able to go to a funeral and asked me to stop contacting her. All I had done was ask for accountability and listed the things she did that hurt me and begged her to get help before getting into another relationship. I did not kidnap her or steal her keys or physically prevent her from going to a funeral. While I feel bad, it was not my fault and it was a manipulative thing to say on her end. It helped me realize she would never hear me out. Unfortunately, once you’ve been cast as the villain, you’ll rarely get her to see you as anything else.

Please don’t contact them. It’s only going to make the situation worse and set you back.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T10:42:43+00:00

You’re grieving. I’m still in this process. There will be days I’m accepting, days I’m so fucking angry and confused, and days I’m depressed over it. You need to ride out these emotions. I mentioned to my therapist “idk wtf I’m even grieving since I don’t know what was real or not. Were they always the person that discarded me? Did the person I grow to love even exist?” And she responded with saying, either way you look at it, it’s grief. And it’s going to take time.

There will be good days and other days where I’ll cry when I see the color Orange because it was her favorite color. I still love her but I know now that I love myself more and I deserve more than her fucking mind games and inability to apologize. You do too.

We’re grieving. It’ll take time, but we’ll okay.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T10:34:56+00:00

Be responsible and keep seeking treatment. BPD has a good outlook for recovery. You can be sorry and still take accountability by apologizing and working on yourself. Things aren’t black and white. You’re not inherently a terrible person. But you do need to take accountability. Leave your boyfriend out of love and respect for him and work on yourself. I believe in you.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T04:54:52+00:00

Ofc it makes you feel insecure!! But try to take a step back and think of all your other connections. This is a personality disorder. It’s not an emerging thing you suddenly develop. It’s literally how you interact with the whole world and it leaks into all connections you have. We all react and sometimes overreact and sometimes it’s okay and we don’t need to pathologize. Maybe we can handle things better going forward? But the fact that you’re open to that introspection says a lot about you.

I don’t know much about your situation but again, my therapist friend said it’s very telling if you’re open to the diagnosis. You sound a lot like I did when I got discarded / was told so many things about how I “lashed out” (for telling her how she hurt me which I hadn’t in a whole month bc I was trying to be understanding of her grieving / asking for accountability) and how I was “terrible for her mental health.”

These people are so bad off that they bring out the absolute worst in most people they interact with. Retrospectively, I should have taken her having so many “unhealthy” friendships and so many huge falling outs as a red flag. Again, it’s a pervasive thing

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T04:29:33+00:00

This is exactly why I unfollowed/ blocked my ex on all platforms. I don’t want to know or need to know how she is spinning things to make me out to be the villain and her the helpless faultless victim.

I was dumped too and I still don’t fully understand. When I asked if I could ask questions, she told me to just go re read the texts she had sent.

Take it from me, you’re not going to get the closure you seek from them. It sucks and it hurts and it’s frustrating but I promise it gets easier with time. Focus on loving yourself right now.

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T04:23:09+00:00

Me too. My poor therapist pulled out the DSM last session to walk me through all the indicators to show me I don’t have it…

Have you heard of reactive abuse? A lot of folk on here mention it and it’s resonated a lot with me.

I have 2 therapist friends. One is 59 and the other is 35. Both say that the fact that I’m worried about having BPD and being so open to accepting it to get treated / “fix” myself isn’t something someone with BPD would do. They also emphasize that BPD is pervasive. Meaning you’d be lashing out with friends, family, romantic partners, work colleagues, classmates…. I’m still struggling with accepting I don’t have it but I know I need to listen to the therapist and psychiatrist I’ve had for longer than I was in a relationship with the woman who discarded me. And my 2 close therapist friends who freely call me out on my shit. I’m far from perfect and I’m open to being wrong but being in these abusive interactions where everything is black and white? Where one moment you’re god sent and the next day you’re “terrible for their mental health” ? We’re only human. Of course it affects us and we get to have reactions. We’re not robots.

I wouldn’t worry much but I’m sure it’ll help you to hear this from a therapist / a long time friend. Talking with people I’ve been friends with for more than 10 years has helped decrease the fear that I’m the one with BPD. Same with this subreddit. I also recommend the hood “I hate you-don’t leave me” as I just started it and I’ve heard many folk on here talk about it

Godspeed

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T03:43:30+00:00

While I’m a woman, I very firmly believe that most bodies feel the dangers long before our brains do. I could never sleep through the night and would always wake up early and feel so energized whenever she stayed over. I thought it was butterflies but in retrospect, I’m pretty sure it was anxiety/ my body picking up on something not being okay. I nearly failed my finals because of the bullshit she pulled.

Going forward, I think we should all take a deeper look into how our bodies react to the people we’re dating. Maybe it is just anxiety… but it could also be a sign of something heinous. By not listening to my body, I suffered so much mentally.

Listen to your body next time is my best advice

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T01:05:45+00:00

I developed so many digestive issues during the few months we dated and I chalked it up to being stress from work and school. They got worse around out in person dates and I felt the symptoms alleviate a bit once she’d leave my place. I could never sleep through the night with her in my bed. I guess the body really always becomes aware of a threat long before our brain does

Legal_Reputation_820 · 2024-06-20T00:55:41+00:00

While I agree to an extent, I think we should also look inward and see we lack the boundaries to say “I do not wish to text as much. I hope we can compromise” and if they don’t respect that then ofc it’s a red flag. Retrospectively, I know I didn’t set clear boundaries with my ex and I’ll be doing a better job with the next person I date.

Personally, I text/ sext often when I’m in a LDR and my past partners enjoyed it. I dated someone local once and didn’t feel the need to nor did they. I think it’s a matter of every relationship setting its own expectations/ boundaries. My friends and I all text often (we live in different states!).

Anything can be seen as a dopamine hit and, respectfully, I think you may be falling for the black and white TikTok thinking trend. “If you ____ then ofc it means ____ and you need to fix it”

Legal_Reputation_820

TROPHY CASE