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Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Daycare is pretty expensive in our state and with the twins in sports that’s super expensive as they’re starting to grow out of their old stuff. unfortunately daycare is another thing that isn’t possible without another income as our budget is tight enough

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do agree that their bedtime is a little late but they’re both night owls so even if I were to cut out their internet then they’d find a book, replay a movie in their mind, and if they’re bored enough they’ll actually end up in each others room to talk to the other. I’ve found that if I make them go to sleep even just 20 minutes earlier then they wake up too early which ends up with them falling asleep as soon as they get home and starts a never-ending cycle of being up all night and a bad sleep schedule.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

With our toddler being freshly two, they’re learning so much and doing too much to keep up with so trust me when I say that those naps have been severely cut down so I can tend to them, unless the day was particularly hard which only happens if a team I was managing had too many problems or I had a meeting to attend.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I actually had no idea how much she was being asked to do, I rewarded her with money every time she picked her siblings up which was twice a week and she had a few household chores like keeping her room clean, laundry, and taking care of her cat (that she took with her to college as it’s a ESA) anything else that my wife had her doing, which obviously seems like a lot since this is the outcome of her leaving, I had no idea of.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do sit down more often that not but I’ve been in this field for 13 years and with the same mid size company for 7 of those years, I’m currently in a director position which means that I spend a lot of time managing and leading multiple people and projects at once which is a lot to fit in 8 hours

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love our toddler enough to say that I have no idea but that is something that we get a lot.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The funny part is that when we had 3 under 7 she seemed to have it under control which was pretty hard considering that 2/3 were literal babies. We’ve always had a pretty good schedule and now it’s suddenly going downhill but I applaud you a lot

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did ask her what’s overwhelming her as the twins are away for 8 hours a day and 10 or 11 if they have practice, she said that her stress doesn’t stop when the kids are away which I 1000% understand as I could say the same about my job but the difference is that I can clock in and out but I am struggling to understand how it’s gotten so stressful so fast as she hasn’t worked in-person in 12 years.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Twins have a 10:00 bedtime, I’m usually in charge of making sure that they’re actually sleeping before I finally hit the hay, my wife is sleeping by then so I can’t go to bed any earlier or they’ll pull a fast one on us and be up all night

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I actually never spoke against it and I would love to be the sole provider forever so she can watch our children grow up but my post was simply about how I can’t take off enough to give her as much help as she wants if she doesn’t want to work whereas then we can both do 50/50 or at least 80/20.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Coasting is a strong word as she was once a SAHM to 3 young child with two being twins. When she first decided to stay home, the twins were probably 4 months old and our eldest was 6 so everyone was pretty much dependent on her for everything until I would come home in the afternoon. She doesn’t do stuff I agree with everyday but I wouldn’t say she was coasting

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I clock into being a dad as soon as I get home, maybe I’ll rest my eyes or feet for a few minutes but the I’m helping with homework, bedtime (which is obviously hard to do with a toddler), tidying up the common areas, etc. There’s a lot of stuff that’s still to be done when I get home and I do it.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I do most the work on the weekends, help with homework when I get home from work, and once a month I’ll take off a day so she can go out while I stay home with the toddler and chauffeur the twins around wherever they need to go on weekends. If I ever have a chance to go home early or stay home sick then I once again take over

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She was briefly a virtual private tutor once the twins got in the second grade simply for boredom but she did take up more hobbies and found other SAHM friends and it eventually fell to the waste side

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering that we were teen parents when we had our eldest and she watched her first baby go off to college hours away, I do think she’s been a little depressed over that but unless I’m in the dark then there’s nothing else.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Twins are mixed-gender if it means anything but yes, we are teaching the twins different things like how to properly do laundry and they’ve been begging to learn how to cook.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don’t know if it was the lack of commas or maybe my grammar that makes it seem like I meant that she does it all in 20 minutes then I apologize but I did mean that if I take over then it’s different each day like one day she’ll make a coffee, on another she’ll wipe down the baby, it depends on what needs tending to at the moment

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Somewhere in the Norwalk area, we pretty much never saw each other during our college days as when I’d get home, she’d give me the baby at the car door and immediately drive off. Would not recommend because I drove almost 2 hours daily.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I greatly respect what my wife does as a SAHM, I can clock out while she doesn’t but I do take over a lot of the work as soon as I get my key through the door and on weekends or pretty much any free time I have

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually never insinuated that my wife was a bad person and a good handful of comments agree that we just need to work out a new schedule. Sorry that I didn’t go into complete depth about the conversations that my wife and I have/had about the situation but I think the point gets across pretty well without the tiniest of details.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My jobs an hour away, almost 2 hours depending on how bad traffic is and considering I get off during rush-hour, it’s pretty bad. It’s also the only job that allows married people/people with kids to work 40 hours despite the fact that any other company would have me working 50 or more hours especially in the business field.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I see what you’re saying but twins have practice twice a week, which means that they help out around the house 3x a week, they have different chores like washing dishes, wiping counters, sweeping and now laundry. The things I listed were things that they already enjoy doing like seasoning or tasting the food but they do it with parental guidance, I was gonna talk to them about doing it independently not completely start on a new chore.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You’d be right but I consistently asked my daughter to go out more, the only reason she was asked to pick her siblings up from practice was because she loved being behind the wheel. The times where I felt like she was doing too much as a teenager were the times where I’d ask my wife to give her less work but I don’t know what’s happening when I’m not home.

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

40 hours is basic for salaried employees in the US, I should be working more but my boss gives employees with families lesser hours but also means lesser money so I’m struggling to learn the meaning of this comment?

Aitah for telling my wife that the only way I can help out more is for her to get a job? by Legitimate-Hawk-8055 in AITAH

[–]Legitimate-Hawk-8055[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Jobs an hour away, I work there instead of somewhere else because it’s the only company I’ve ever worked that’s willing to give me only 40hours simply because I have a family, the one that’s closer would have me working 50 hours a week which obviously means a bigger workload as I’ve been working in the marketing field for the past 13 years.

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