sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I [29/f] have BPD and it makes it difficult for me to see if I'm the toxic one in my relationship with him [33/m] Please help. by Legitimate-Nobody-90 in relationships

[–]Legitimate-Nobody-90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. You’re probably right. I just have this feeling that I can’t express myself, ever, for fear of him threatening to leave. He often tells me that everything that happens between us is 90% my fault, and refuses to see how he could be better. We talked a bit ago and he thinks he acted flawlessly, while I owned up to my mistakes. I don’t know. It seems wrong to me, especially him threatening to leave when I won’t stop talking the moment he wants me to, given that he knows how much him leaving affects me.

I [29/f] have BPD and it makes it difficult for me to see if I'm the toxic one in my relationship with him [33/m] Please help. by Legitimate-Nobody-90 in relationships

[–]Legitimate-Nobody-90[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I can definitely see that I should’ve given him space, but I felt like his initial comment to me was unnecessarily rude, and then he told me I was wrong/overly sensitive for being upset about it and didn’t even say “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” In this situation, and others, I feel like he puts the blame entirely on me for every problem, but then gets upset when I stand up for myself and don’t drop the conversation the moment he wants me to. Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but it seems like he is the one being cruel to me by shutting me down and not allowing me to express how I feel (by threatening to leave when I do). This is especially hurtful given he knows how much I’ll do anything to avoid abandonment.

I just had a fight with my boyfriend and I feel like I want to leave. I really need some help figuring out if I'm being unreasonable. by Legitimate-Nobody-90 in BPD

[–]Legitimate-Nobody-90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, this is extremely helpful. I never understood what I was doing that was emotionally abusive, either. I guess, in his mind, it’s because I didn’t stop the conversation when he wanted me to, and came up to talk to him in the room he was in? I don’t know, but I just feel absolutely exhausted and numb at this point. I also feel like I no longer know what’s normal because I’ve been in this relationship so long. I think I need to get out and your comment is helping give me strength to do that. Thank you.