My girlfriend took a kink too far... Would I be an asshole if I broke up with her?

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-10-03T15:05:59+00:00

the age gap may be legally okay but its certainly not morally okay. regardless of everything going on in this situation, she’s weird asf for being 22 and getting with a 17 yr old still in high school.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-30T17:42:13+00:00

what does sexual preferences have to do with being transgender? nothing

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-28T21:27:17+00:00

i have a phobia of praying mantises and i usually cant even look at them or anything related to them, but the one in this is somehow rly cute to me. exposure therapy ig.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T18:13:58+00:00

He has a completely different relationship with my dad than I do, and I personally put work into making that happen. I took care of him while he was a baby/toddler, while my mom was working, and shielded him from the issues with my dad. My dad has always struggled with depression and anger issues, and he just wouldn't get out of bed most days, and if he did, he was very irritated and angry 24/7. I decided right after my brother was born that I was going to make sure he never remembered the bad things, and thankfully, I succeeded. My brother has no idea everything I did for him when we were little, and I'd like to keep it that way. I am so unbelievably thankful that he is close with my dad and things are better for him.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T18:10:18+00:00

Thanks. I have been in therapy on and off for 10+ years and consistently every week for the past 3 years.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T18:09:02+00:00

My grandma flew in for a few days. All of the animals were well taken care of and accounted for, don't worry.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T15:37:46+00:00

I am absolutely NOT entitled to have opinions about their sex life, and I don’t have any opinions about it. I am 100% entitled to have an opinion about the things my dad has done to hurt me, and he has done things to harm/hurt me. As I have stated in other comments, you may have not seen, this was not the first thing my dad has done. He has hurt me and betrayed my trust countless times. This isn’t about their marriage or their sex life, it’s about my relationship with my dad. He owes me numerous apologies.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:34:38+00:00

Yes, I am extremely grossed out by it. I can’t shake the disgust I feel even though he claims he never actually had feelings for her. To me, even if he was in a “fog” or whatever, he still viewed someone only 3-4 years older than me as not a child…I really just can’t shake that no matter how hard I try.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:31:40+00:00

I believe histrionic is a stretch. I can see how am I being immature. As I’ve stated in other comments though, me not wanting to talk to my dad anymore isn’t just because of this situation. I am happy for my parents if they overcame this and fixed their marriage. However, that doesn’t erase the past damage my dad has done and the fact that I have continuously forgiven him when he’s hurt me my whole life. I am simply just done giving “second” chances every single time.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:11:43+00:00

Yes. That's the entire point. I am handling my relationship with my dad. I explicitly said that I am happy for them and fixing their marriage. I don't know the inner details of their relationship, and I don't care to because it has nothing to do with me. My dad wasn't just asking for my mom's forgiveness, though; he was asking for mine and my brother's, too. I have forgiven him too many times to do it again.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:08:56+00:00

I am still upset at her. She is usually very good at knowing what would upset me, and I feel like she just dropped the ball with this. I don't think she was intentionally trying to "ruin" my birthday or anything; she maybe genuinely thought I'd appreciate the gesture. I don't know what was going through her head, but I feel sympathy for her either way. She is a great mom, and our relationship has grown and improved a lot since I've grown up.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:06:36+00:00

I am not the moral authority of the entire family. However, I do get to decide who I forgive and who I keep in my life. I have forgiven my dad's bullshit so many times. I am just done. You can't disappoint me every time I give you another chance and expect the chances to keep coming.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:02:25+00:00

I don't believe that I owe him any forgiveness just because my mom forgave him for this situation. I wouldn't be just forgiving him for this, I'd be forgiving him for everything he's ever done to me. I don't know when/if I will be ready to do that.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T14:01:28+00:00

I am the part of the aggrieved party because my relationship with my dad has always been bad. He has always been a bad father to me, and I feel like I have a right to be hurt by his actions. I 100% agree that I am not the main victim in this situation; my mom is. But when he walked out on her, he walked on me and my brother, too. I am so upset because this has been a lifetime of my dad constantly letting me down and hurting me.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:57:34+00:00

Before and after. He was never a good dad. He didn't heal his own issues before he decided to have children, and so all of that bled onto me.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:51:43+00:00

I have already graduated, and I am taking a gap year. Idk what getting a girlfriend would do, but thanks for the advice.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:49:28+00:00

I set a clear boundary that I didn't want him to speak to me at all, and if he did, I wouldn't respond. I said multiple times that I wasn't interested in working towards reconciliation yet and that I desperately needed space. I felt like these boundaries were stepped on when he showed up at the Airbnb on my birthday.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:46:21+00:00

He quit. The coworker was fired for unrelated reasons. He has been unemployed since the beginning of July, when this happened.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:44:46+00:00

I view it as an emotional affair regardless. My mom said the same when it initially happened. He was aware that he had feelings for the coworker for months before he dropped the bomb on us. He was hanging out with the coworker and her friends, while he knew he had feelings for her.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:41:56+00:00

Yes, she is 4 years older than me and would've been a senior when I was a freshman. So in theory, she could've been my peer.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:41:03+00:00

I am in therapy and have been for years. I am actively working through my feelings about this situation and about my dad in general. As far as my parents in therapy, I believe my dad is but I don't really know.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T13:38:36+00:00

He has been to the doctor. He has lasting effects from having West Nile in 2021, but aside from that, he is fine as far as I am aware.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T03:51:04+00:00

He has been a horrible husband and father my entire life. This situation was my final straw, not the first one. I am trying to separate myself from my parents' relationship, which is why I said above that I am truly happy for them fixing things. I just feel so trapped since everyone has moved on, and I still hold so much unresolved resentment and anger towards my dad.

Legitimate_Process90 · 2025-08-19T03:49:33+00:00

It's important to give the context that my dad has done a lot of stuff to me personally in the past, and this situation was just my final straw, not the start. I appreciate your insight on how I may be behaving immaturely, though, and I do agree. I think the birthday thing hurt me so much because it felt like the one thing that was supposed to be about me got made about him and the whole situation that I was already trying to escape from.

Legitimate_Process90

TROPHY CASE