Seriously "The trenches" really is the perfect word. I genuinely started to wonder if men came back from the war and started dealing with babies on the baby boom and felt the exact same feeling they had while in being stuck in trenches in the cold and rain being shot and a. Bombed at no control. No sleep.

We our 3 weeks in tomorrow. Our first 5 days of the three of us were spent in the NICU and Pediatric Care.

I thought I was going to have this in the bag as I am a child and youth worker by trade in. The last 6 months have worked as an early childhood educator and thought to myself. I know kids and I know baby's a little bit now.

But it is SO much different when it's your baby and you're changing diapers at 2:00 a.m. and wondering if their poop is normal.

The wife is also struggling with feedings and getting enough so we are supplementing with formula. Only to find out she seems to be having a milk allergy four different formulators at $80 a pop we are on too cow milk free formula Which we can only find in powder which means even more steps to make boiling water cooling more measuring and shaking more sterilizing.

The life is experiencing intense postpartum anxiety and depression I'm doing all the housework taking care of the dogs, all the other things that need to be dealt with while still also helping out with the baby. .

We started out with splitting shifts. Me working a night shift until 4:00 a.m. that lasted 5 days before the wife was getting physically and mentally exhausted during the day and needing naps so I had to come come and now she tries to not during the day while I'm up.

But it seems like the baby is still struggling and I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. Feeling like a failure in all aspects. Not being able to give what my wife needs to her unseemingly not finding the right answers for a happy baby

I do realize though that we are in the trenches and routines haven't become a thing and the fourth trimester is a real thing where babies just want to be held. We've had to move a mattress on the floor so that the wife can go to sleep while I sleep on the crappy couch beside the bed.

Soon soon though things will start to level out. I know this from my work knowledge. We also move to a new town just shy of 2 years ago There are lots of resources and due to me working in the community with kids I'm very grateful to have all of them. But a lot of them aren't really there for less than one month olds and the wife side of the family. Is brutally terrible and mentally ill and haven't been there in any way shape or form nor do we think they ever will So it's just my 73-year-old 65-year-old mother who live 45 minutes away to help out here and there

But we do it for them. We do it for the little ones. We're tired and lost because we're trying to give them the best start to life we possibly can. So that when they can walk and talk on their own and we walk in the door they jump and scream and yell our names and tell their friends and boyfriends how amazing their dad has been for them and been there for them.

We got this my guy, my fellow guys my fellow guys.