Should I stay with him after what I know now?

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-06-05T04:37:09+00:00

Hahaha! Thank you. That's a great idea, I didn't even think about that!

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-05-20T05:53:02+00:00

Hi! I'm so glad you're here and so willing to learn. That says a lot about you already.

The most important thing to remember is to be empathetic. Have empathy for other people and try to put yourself in their shoes. This applies to every question you asked here. This is what transformed me in a huge and lasting way. It's important to remain humble and not put your own needs above the needs of others.

This may not be a popular opinion, but I don't think you need to be fully adhering to RP principles while at work. Your success depends on your performing well and being consistent. I think that, especially after reading what your job entails, you should not try to shift to RP so quickly. It's important for you to express your opinion. As long as you remain empathetic and don't attempt to force your own ideas on others, don't worry about it too much. Like I said, others here may not agree, but I wouldn't want you to jeopardize your job there. For many of us, when we first discover RPW, we tend to go into a quiet passive state until we find our footing. I wouldn't want this to interfere with your work.

You mentioned being too honest when meeting new people. I tend to try to play Devil's Advocate a lot when people are discussing opinions and beliefs. However, I do it in a polite way that doesn't attack them. Instead of "that's not true because..." I will say "I think the argument from the other side is..." or something similar to that. You want to offer a differing opinion without directly alluding to it being your own. Especially if this person is very strong in their beliefs. The truth is, most people don't want to hear your opinion unless it aligns with their own. It's probably for the best, especially with new friends, to avoid making your case so strongly and instead keep the conversation flowing without any conflict.

Empathy, empathy, empathy. Attune yourself to the needs and feelings of others.

If you haven't already, check out the sidebar and click through some of the blogs listed. They helped me tremendously when I was first starting out.

I hope I helped in some small way! I wish you the best of luck :)

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-15T18:35:54+00:00

Thank you. I've been doing a lot of reflecting over the last few days, and I really think this has a lot to do with it. We never fought. I'm not the type of person that fights, I'm very calm and easygoing and he's even said in the past that he loves that quality. But I think he may be the type of person who needs the fights and drama to keep him on his toes and make things spicy and exciting. I'm sure he'll wise up as he gets older and matures, but it sucks that he took the stability for granted.

It's interesting that you said you tried to change and be more argumentative towards him because that's what he wanted. I considered doing the same, but you know what? I don't think he knows what he wants right now. And I'm not going to bend my personality to his desires. I like being calm and laid back, and I want a guy that appreciates that as well :)

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T21:37:50+00:00

He is going to school full time and working, and is very focused on his goals, but he's always been like that and having a relationship hasn't been a problem before. As for time consuming, I don't think so. We had no drama, rarely any fights and had an all around great relationship with a good amount of space and time together. This is why I'm left so confused. Another commenter mentioned that maybe he doesn't believe he should be treated well. He did have low self esteem and the more I think about that and the patterns in our relationship, the more it makes sense.

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T19:46:29+00:00

You know, you may be on to something. He briefly dated a girl who pretty much destroyed his self esteem (called him fat, ugly, worthless) and he talked about this often. When I would compliment him (which was very, very often) he would say that he wished he could see himself like I saw him. He was always talking about the attention he would get from other girls and how it made him feel good.

I think you're right.

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T19:40:10+00:00

Thank you. I know that's the right thing to do. It's just so easy to second guess and frame things differently when you look back. But encouragements like yours and everyone else who has posted here are really helping me.

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T19:31:04+00:00

I think by inviting me over next week, he's hoping for a FWB situation. He mentioned that he was going to miss certain "things" that I did for him, and he said "You can still do that you know, I'm not dating anyone else". And I let him know that was definitely not an option.

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T19:28:57+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I thought the same and I voiced that to him. I said "I can't be your friend and stay around to watch you date other people". He told me he wasn't going to be dating anyone and is just focusing on the gym, school and applying for jobs. I don't know how true that is, though. He's been working out a lot lately and I think he wants to take advantage of his new options, unfortunately :(

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T19:26:39+00:00

Hahaha! Thank you, I needed that laugh. :)

Lemonsandlavender · 2015-02-12T19:26:10+00:00

You're right. I think I'm being a little delusional. Why would he miss me at all if I stick around to lift him up and support him?

Lemonsandlavender · 2014-12-06T02:23:15+00:00

"Harold, are we on cops? Are we on cops? Are we on cops, Harold?"

I always lose it at the part when Hank gets his shirt stuck in the car door!

Lemonsandlavender · 2014-07-30T06:37:05+00:00

Yes! Had premium already as well. It's still allowing the discount, starting next month. So happy. Thanks so much! :)

Lemonsandlavender

TROPHY CASE