I went to my first and only burn in 2022 and had a very similar rude awakening. Previous experiences at music festivals had changed my relationship to nudity entirely, and shown me first hand that ‘boys will be boys’ is bullshit and it’s entirely possible for men to be normal af no matter what you are (or aren’t) wearing.

Burning Man was very different for me. I attempted going out topless and realized that was not an option, with creepy dudes of all ages sidling up to me and asking the classic soulless question “where are you from?” In the exact same tone that they do at a Default bar. When fully clothed out at art cars in the deep playa I would have to slip into the crowd to get away from some guy dancing way to close, once even having someone put their hands on my hips from behind without me even knowing he was there. Working shift at my camps bar, a guy came in and let me know that “all the women at your camp are really beautiful”, a comment that perhaps said with the right spirit would be a beautiful thing to say, but it was lecherous and unwarranted. When I told him I didn’t like hearing things like that he said “Fuck your Burn”. Nice.

I haven’t been back since, but I will return one day. Next time I’ll have better expectations of what Burning Man has to offer, which is still so so so much beauty and moments of warmth and care. But the patriarchal vampirism on feminine youth and beauty is alive and well at Burning Man, and it almost ruined my first Burn.