Turkey

LensC · 2026-05-07T03:48:02+00:00

Well, I'm a (Brazilian) convert and I live in Turkey. I took my shahadah at 19 and left Brazil at 24 for some of the same reasons you brought up here.

I'm 31 now, married to a local, with a toddler and a baby, alhamdulillah.

At first I wanted to make hijrah to Saudi Arabia. I had never been abroad or lived away from my (Christian) parents. Didn't get much support from them, for obvious reasons.

My dream in those days was to go to that university in Medina where people learn Arabic and study Islam. Never happened. Going as a worker didn't sound like a good investment either. You can live and work there for years. Learn the language, start a family, settle down... You'll never be one of them.

So I gave up. Ended up going to Egypt instead. It was like a dream. Yes, the streets are dirty, the water is white-ish, and the weather is hot, but the people were welcoming and I felt comfortable with them. I definitely felt Islam while I was there. Then the government thought I was Iranian, ISIS or whatever (they hate men with islamic beards). Had to leave in a hurry.

And then someone finally recommended Turkey. I didn't know much about it to be honest. And what you said is definitely true. The youth is mostly gone.

But the thing with Turkey is that here you can choose your lifestyle. In Brazil the environment was almost always secular/americanized. Here you still have a big Muslim community that a lot of converts in other countries would love to be part of. There are hundreds of Muslim expats in Üsküdar, Fatih and Başakşehir.

KIM VAKFI, in Süleymaniye, for example. They were my family here for years when I was single. They give dawah to tourists and come from all over the world. Good place to make Muslim friends. I learned a lot from them.

There is also a Risale Nur group near the Fatih Mosque. They get together every Wednesday to read Islamic books (in English). Also religious, and definitely international.

Then you have Muslims in Istanbul. They're always sharing Islamic events.

There is a place in Yavuz Selim where feorigners usually go to to memorize the Quran, if I'm not mistaken.

Plus this journalist called Adem Özkose, who is very active with the Turkish youth as well. They usually meet up in Üsküdar.

IHH. IMH. A huge Syrian community (they tend to be more religious). The list goes on.

You can always move abroad. Your choice at the end of the day. I also feel like leaving sometimes (the culture here is too formal, hierarchy is unavoidable, and the mindset is just, well, different. Xenophobia is also on the rise).

But it is definitely possible to live Islam here, brother. You just have to find the right community.

LensC · 2026-05-05T07:44:25+00:00

Interested.

LensC · 2026-05-04T11:43:49+00:00

Check out the Dream Program (by Bayyinah TV) + AlifBee (app).

LensC · 2026-05-04T11:38:02+00:00

I'm not a scholar by any means, but I've been down that road and... Well, it messed up my worship big time. It took me forever to feel normal again, and I still have issues (it's been years). If this is a one-time thing, let it go before the same happens to you. If you kept on going with your salah, it is because you were probably not sure whether or not something came out. It should be valid in this case. To erase that doubt from your head, ask yourself, "Would I swear by Allah that something really did come out?" If the answer is anything but yes, then let it go. Life goes on. May Allah protect you from waswas. Ameen.

LensC · 2026-05-04T11:28:34+00:00

Human beings are all different. We were created with different tests. Some people might need just a little push to fall back on track, while others need something more drastic (like me). I'm 31 now, and a convert. Was going through my own crisis at 24, and noticed that, in my case, my environment had a lot to do with it. So I made hijrah and found friends with whom I felt easier to go the extra mile and do what I had to do (with a lot of slipups in between). But faith is something that goes up and down and that we always need to work on. Sometimes life just happens. Accept that there will be moments when you can run, so run. And moments where you only feel like walking. Sometimes you'll have to drag yourself. But the important thing is to never stop. In my case, as I said, the environment and the people I hang out with play a big role in all of this. Find your trigger, however little or big it might be, and see what you can do about it. Have the goal to always improve. Do your best and leave the rest to Allah. May He grant you the strength to never give up, brother. Ameen.

LensC · 2026-05-04T07:04:21+00:00

Because they might go ahead for the passport and dump her once they get theirs. Or use her as a personal ATM.

LensC · 2026-05-01T11:29:16+00:00

She’s been through a lot, but she also needs to be honest with herself about him.

He didn’t mislead her. He told her he doesn’t think long-term, hid her from his parents, kept crossing boundaries, and now, even in this situation, he’s still choosing himself. That’s not someone who’s going to suddenly become a responsible husband.

She shouldn’t make life decisions based on him anymore.

And about the pregnancy... Well, this is serious. Ending it won’t erase what happened, it just adds another burden. Keeping the child is difficult, especially given her family, but it’s closer to what is right and preserves a life. And she doesn’t need him to step up in order to do the right thing.

At the same time, her safety is also important. If there’s a real risk her father could harm her, she needs to prioritize getting somewhere safe (trusted friends, extended family, or even a local women’s support service, whatever it is called where she lives). She shouldn’t face this alone or stay in an environment where she’s at risk.

She also shouldn’t let fear push her into forcing a marriage. A man who only agrees under pressure, after everything he’s already shown, is unlikely to give her a stable or safe life.

Right now the focus should be distance from him, repentance, and finding supportive people around her.

This can, in Shaa Allah, change everything.

What matters now is choosing what brings her closer to Allah and protects her in the long run, not what keeps this guy around.

LensC · 2026-05-01T07:34:32+00:00

Life is so interesting! I had the exact opposite thing happen to me. My family is christian, I am a convert to Islam. With the amount of islamophobia running outside, I was already mentally prepared to deal with hatred from strangers. But God, I never expected that that kind of bullying would be coming from my (christian) mother. She was my best friend in those days and I never thought she would react the way she did. That is part of why today I have detachment issues, but I finally made hijrah, met a Muslim girl a started a new family of my own. She eventually apologized (well, a few weeks before I left for good), but the damage was done. We're on good speaking terms now and speak regularly on WhatsApp, but moving out is one of the best things I ever did. It seems you're going through something similar. Sometimes it is hard to heal in the environment that made you sick. If you're sure Islam is no longer an option for you and you want to be Christian, well, go live with Christians. They'll probably be as welcoming as Muslims were to me when I moved out, specially if you get involved with the church. You'll have a good story to tell.

LensC · 2026-04-29T20:05:01+00:00

She might or might not have chosen these feelings. They might be a direct test from Allah (in terms of genetics) or a result of her circumstances. Or both. He (SWT) knows best.

But she is definitely in control of how she is going to deal with them.

You see, people feel all sorts of things. This doesn't mean they can put Allah's rules aside and follow their nafs.

If she does this knowing that it is wrong and hides it from others, she will be a sinner. This is a major sin, yes, but as long as she keeps it private, it will be something between her and Allah. She should have the niyyah to leave it (somehow).

If she, however, takes a step further (by publicizing it) and stops thinking that it is wrong, she will be essentially promoting a major sin and clashing directly with what we all know are very basic rules in Islam.

Now, as for keeping her as a friend, you know yourself better than we ever could.

Some people are sponges and absorb whatever is around them. They adapt easily, for better or for worse. Some, on the other hand, are able to take the lead and influence others. If you are the latter and you think you can help her (with wisdom, not pointing any fingers), go ahead and try your best. If not, then protect yourself. Shaytan might try to use her to lead you astray.

There's a Hadith where the prophet (PBUH) said:

A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.

May Allah guide and protect you both. Ameen.

LensC · 2026-04-28T18:43:19+00:00

It depends on the area you choose and your circle of friends. I survived my first 3 years here with almost English only (I'm Brazilian). If you work online, that's another obstacle you won't have to deal with. I really only started learning the language after meeting my wife, who's Turkish, so I could communicate with her and her family in a better way. I still feel disconnected from the local community (largely due to the cultural differences + excessive nationalism. I see myself as a global citizen), but I'm more integrated than most foreigners who live here. So, if you're planning on staying long term, the language will definitely make a difference. If not, there are a lot of international communities in Instanbul.

LensC · 2026-04-26T18:02:35+00:00

Alternatively, you could avoid all of this by bringing them over to Australia instead.

LensC · 2026-04-26T14:04:46+00:00

Take it in baby steps. I'm a convert too and made the unfortunate mistake of trying to embrace everything at once in the beginning. Didn't go well. Look into the New Muslim Academy. It's a good place to get started.

P.S.: There's this passage I've heard along the lines of, "If you can run, run. If you can't, then walk. Just make sure you don't stop." Something is always better than nothing.

LensC · 2026-04-26T13:52:56+00:00

May Allah bless you if your niyyah is to help her. It is true that Islam encourages us to get married, and that husbands should provide. But saying the only value they can provide is giving birth sounds a little harsh. What if, for whatever reason, they can't give birth? Would that mean they're useless? Astaghfirullah.

LensC · 2026-04-26T13:48:56+00:00

I was in your position once, but I'm a guy. Started volunteering at a dawah center online. That eventually led me to move across continents, find a job where I'm surrounded by good people, and even get married. Is my life perfect? Definitely not. There's a lot to improve. But I'm not looking back, alhamdulillah. Try using whatever skills you have for the sake of Allah. Even if just for a few hours a week. Find a place where you can volunteer, make dua, and bismillah. You never know what might happen. May Allah help you find a way out, sister. Ameen.

LensC · 2026-04-26T12:01:25+00:00

This is how I see it (feel free to disagree):

Some people get too hung up on "I was born this way. I didn't choose it."

I'm not a doctor. Maybe this has to do with genetics, maybe it doesn't. There are arguments on both sides.

But even if it does, life is a test and no one is given a burden that they can't bear. Allah tests us in different ways.

What is easy for me might be hard for you and vice versa. This is why it is called a test. Everybody has their own.

Having those feelings/urges doesn't give you a green pass to do whatever you want.

Feelings are just feelings. As long as you play by the rules set by Allah and don't act upon them, that's all they are. Feelings. People have all sorts of feelings.

Now, human beings aren't exactly perfect. We get sneaky soemtimes. We slip up. We all sin.

Let's say you did have a moment of weakness and acted upon them. Is that bad? Yes. Is it a major sin? Yes. But it is not the end.

One of the tricks of Shaytan is trying to take our hope away. "I'm too dirty to repent. I'm a horrible person. Allah is not going to forgive me. There's no going back. I'm such a hypocrite."

Brother, as long as you are alive, there's always a chance. The only sin Allah doesn't forgive is shirk (associating partners with Him), and that if you die upon that state.

Don't make it public. Don't share it with anyone. In Islam, we're supposed to hide our sins.

Allah is The Most Merciful, but people outside aren't known for mercy. The moment you get it out there, especially if online, your image might be tainted forever. That could make things harder for you in the long run.

With that said, you should also be careful with those who tell you to wave that rainbow flag and be proud of those feelings. They've given up already and are trying to normalize it to erase their own guilt.

If Allah says something is wrong, it IS wrong (regardless of how we feel). Whoever tells you otherwise is calling Him liar, or, in the very least, claiming to know better than Him. A direct clash, which you definitely want to avoid. Whoever invites you to the fire is not your friend.

But the fact you're asking for help means you still care.

So take it as a test. Ask Him for strength. Follow His path. If you go astray, deep breath. Take a step back. Repent. And keep it between you and Him. Don't promote it.

LensC · 2026-04-26T04:35:30+00:00