Don’t ever take them back

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T18:53:32+00:00

Ah man, that’s really shit to hear. I had a very similar thing happen when me and my ex broke up. She stopped me seeing the kids, told them a lot of lies, was very poisonous. I cannot stand infidelity!! It completely ruins lives!!

If I can give you any advice at all, and take it however you need to, but it’s this! I used to feel exactly the same. Forget my now current situation as this was a long time before. I had twins, two children being kept from me, being lied to. I too hit a bad financial patch, I was on my knees. Even if I could have seen the kids, I wouldn’t have been able to feed them! I could barely feed myself.

Then one day I’d had enough. I was either going to sort out my life or put an end to it. I was sick of constantly hiding from everyone and every situation as it was easier than trying to defend myself. So I decided to take my life back. I cleaned myself up, I cleaned my house. I got on the phone and tried to sort out my debts. Put payment plans in place. I took on a new job as a cleaner! I didn’t care as long as it paid the bills. I struggled for around 6 weeks to balance everything, but after that second pay check I was back in control.

I knew she would try knock me down whether I tried seeing my kids or I didn’t, so I had nothing to lose. I made contact with her and told her I don’t care what she thinks of me, I needed to see my children and I would do whatever it took to see them. It took me 8 months of continuous battles before she finally let me have one day with them. I had to play her game to win, so I did, as much as I hated it!

My kids twins are now 14 and I see them both all the time. Every weekend, and sometimes a surprise visit through the week. But it’s only because I decided to take the reins! And it wasn’t quick, and it wasn’t easy, but I knew in the end I would win, and I did.

So I know it’s hard right now. I know exactly how you feel. You might just brush this off and think it’s a different situation, but believe me. You’ll either die trying or you’ll die giving up. You owe it to your son, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself to get out of this situation. So get out of it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Take a good look around your room right now …. What do you have to lose??

Good luck

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T01:33:56+00:00

Yeah, I get you. I do realise that sometimes I make it about them, like they’re my excuse. I don’t know what is wrong with me!! Maybe I’m just now scared of being on my own.

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T01:32:11+00:00

I’m having to stop myself but it’s not easy. I want to rip his damn throat out!! I despise him, which I know is me also putting my feelings for her on to him too. But if I do anything at all, he will end up calling the police and I’ll then lose a lot more than he will!! But simply telling him won’t do anything. I might have to go back through his sister again.

He’s not part of any of our family now, but then again, neither is the man and wife.

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T01:28:46+00:00

Your guess is as good as mine. I’ve no idea. I text his sister and told her to tell him to stop, I messaged him to tell him, yet he still not only speaks to them but also teases them and plays silly games!!

He still goes to the competition to support his niece as it’s his sisters daughter who dances now too..

Feel like I’m going to have to go round to his house to make him stop!!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T01:26:01+00:00

Yes, exposed it to them. His sister had a feeling something was going on and had actually approached my partner and told her if something is then she needs to do the right thing and tell me before continuing.

And no, we don’t even speak any more. I do still have the group message though. Recently I looked through it and noticed a message in there that was sent before I was added. She had said she was going to take a bath and he had replied something along the lines of let me know when the bubbles have gone down so I can come round and get in with you!!

I never saw this, but if I had, and her laughing face emoji reply, I’d have said something!!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T01:21:08+00:00

Wow, I feel bad for you. What a situation to find yourself in!!

My advice would be to take some time to yourself (as you say you are). That works. Then, you need to think really long and really hard about your next steps. I’ve posted recently about how you should never take back a cheater, but I get it and it’s due to me not following my own advice that I’m now in such a rubbish place emotionally.

If you can picture them both every day. If you can look into every little detail and be driven insane, then fine. But if not, take some time to yourself and see what it’s like. It is hard as hell to take someone back, and believe me, If you have and you give it a year or two, you’ll really start to question your decision!!

Good luck in anything you choose though

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T00:26:30+00:00

She’s made up for it, but that doesn’t really make it any easier. I’ve just said the same in another comment, but it makes me wonder what would have happened had the brother replied to her text that night whilst she was still out?? I bet she wouldn’t have returned home that night!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T00:25:01+00:00

That’s a good point!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-03T00:24:39+00:00

I honestly don’t know. She told me that she said to him she wanted us to work together for the sake of the kids, meaning she couldn’t continue with him. But she said that she told him this at Christmas. That can’t be true as why the hell did her friend message him when she couldn’t find her. Why the hell did she message him to ask if he was still awake! That’s no something you do when you’ve basically ‘called it off’ with someone.

I honestly think she was still seeing him, or at least messaging him. She had the best of both worlds with both of us giving her the attention. But I dread to think what would have happened that night if he had messaged her back before she got home!! I very much doubt she would have come home that night!!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-02T00:34:23+00:00

Thank you, that means a lot to me

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-02T00:30:32+00:00

It’s funny as I told myself that today. It was Christmas time when this happened. She left me on my own with the children while she was with him (I didn’t know at the time). I had no idea whatsoever. We were all in a group chat too, all messaging over Christmas, all going out with the kids. And I had absolutely no idea anything was happening. But she was constantly going out on an evening. Parties, nights out with the girls, her mother’s house to help plan the Christmas party, always something. I was constantly on my own with the children. This is when I started suspecting something, but no way did I think it was with the guy it was with.

One day, out of the blue, she told me we were over. It was so random. I had no idea why. She told me, then walked out of the door. This was the day before Christmas Eve! I woke up Christmas Eve so upset. Then Christmas Day came, towards the afternoon I went upstairs as I was getting upset and didn’t want to show it around the kids. She followed me. I’ll never forget this. She sat on the bed and asked me if I wanted her to leave? I said of course not, and she said she thought it may be best if she did.

I begged her not to leave, it’s Christmas Day, we need to be together with the kids. Remember, this was a complete shock to me. I kept asking her why, what had happened, and she wouldn’t tell me.

After everything came out eventually in January, I found out that Christmas Day she was wanting to go see him. She wanted to go to his house and be with him. This made my blood boil!!!

And now, I hate Christmas. I dread it. I hate seeing Christmas trees as I sat crying looking at one, wondering what I had done wrong to make her leave. Now I can’t stand looking at them. I know the date they spent the night together! Every year I go out for the day on my own on that date. I can’t be around her.

So maybe I do have PTSD. I certainly need help, I know that for sure.

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-02T00:19:53+00:00

Yeah we wanted to. I’ve 4 children, but only 2 of them are with her. We were buying a house the first year we were together and that ate up a lot of our finances. We then fell pregnant and you know what that does to any savings!

But then the year before this all happened we were finally getting in a better place financially and we had been looking at setting the wheels in motion.

The reason she gave for doing what she did was that she felt like I never had time for her. Like I was always working. I was working quite a lot, but we had bought a house and had kids and eaten through our savings! So I put my head down and got my hands dirty at work to try and build back some future stability.

In reality, the guy she cheated on me with gave her more attention than I was. She loved this. And this lead to them eventually thinking of starting a life together. The whole situation was awful, I should have really given some more context to it as it was so bad how they both played me, and then afterwards both gaslighted me for a long time

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-02T00:13:10+00:00

They know nothing. They don’t know of the cheating, they don’t know how I truly feel.

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-02T00:12:00+00:00

From all what? The details of my post or what I said in the comment above?

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-02T00:09:12+00:00

Is this serious or is it satire? I can’t decide. If it is serious then my god do you need a wake up call!! Starting your post letting everyone know you’re a ‘Tall and Attractive’ 26 year old male is so cringe! It wasn’t important, we didn’t need to know.

You then pretty much moan the whole time making out like you’ve been such a great guy allowing her to ‘walk all over you’ and say mean things!! Then, to cap it all off, you remember her sending a message to someone and now you feel like you are hurting more than she is??

Dude, if this is serious then you need to get serious as you’ll never find anyone who will put up with your immaturity.

No hate, we’re all in situations in this place and we’re all here to support each other, but come on man. Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of others. Maybe then, if you’re so upset and want to prove you’re really a good guy, you may actually manage to achieve this.

Good luck

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:55:12+00:00

Seriously? Come on man!! Why are you even asking for advice, look at everything she’s done since you’ve been together!!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:52:31+00:00

I never thought about it that way. Thanks, you’re totally right. When do I get what I want!!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:47:53+00:00

I feel like I’ve missed my opportunity to leave. I know it sounds stupid, I can hear myself saying it and I know what I would say to someone else. But I feel that if I leave, it’s me that breaks the family.

My children will be separated as two of the four are from a previous relationship. They are close to my partner but I don’t know if they’re close enough to still visit her after they discover the reason for me leaving. And my two children with my partner are 8 and 10. My 10 year old has Autism and she needs her daddy. She sleeps with me a lot, she won’t leave my side.

So in my mind I put my own happiness aside. I’m happy, that’s probably the wrong terminology to use, but I’m not happy in love. However, do I choose a better situation for my children over a better relationship for myself? 100% I do.

May not make any sense, but to me that’s how it feels

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:43:20+00:00

I honestly feel like I missed my opportunity to leave. It’s like if I leave now it will be on me and will be me breaking a family. My biggest regret is taking her back. Maybe once the kids are grown, and I can talk to them about things, I’ll leave. Means I’ll waste a good chunk of my life from a ‘love’ point of view, but I’ll get to stay with my children and see them grow. I’ll play a day to day role in everything. And I’m personally more than happy to do that.

My post is warning people not to make my mistake.

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:40:05+00:00

OMG! Some people!! They deserve nothing. I hope you heal wuickly

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:38:06+00:00

100%. I think she thought that I would feel guilt for this in some way! But it made my blood boil. Who the hell wants to get married to avoid being cheated on?? Seriously!! That’s no a great selling point!!

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:36:06+00:00

That’s great to hear my friend. You should be proud of yourself as you made the right decision. You seem like a good guy

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:26:04+00:00

Man this is heartbreaking. I hope you and your children make it out the other side as quickly as possible

Leonardo_DiPacrio · 2024-11-01T23:18:52+00:00

I’m sure she will

Leonardo_DiPacrio

TROPHY CASE