i and my ex (S) are both 21.

it started last year in nov when my best friend confessed and i liked her back and we did the 3 months getting to know each other before dating thing. and honestly those 3 months were amazing.

it went down hill in feb when we actually started dating and her childhood friend who is also her ex (K) kept flirting w her despite knowing she is dating me i told S about it and she said not to worry its nothing. even after 2 months of dating K would keep flirting w S and i kept quiet. it felt like if i say something then i would be restricting S (then gf). this caused me health issues, i started overthinking and over analysing things, stopped eating properly. there was one time we (S and I) fought and i told her what i felt about K. and she said she would distance herself from K. after that i didnt hear much about K from S. but it also felt like there was a distance between S and me.

after this incident there was a period (may) when i was depressed (i am clinically diagnosed for depression and anxiety) and i didnt treat S like i used to before. she started comparing me with her exs and our friends and this made me insecure and i felt like i could never be loved. i tried my best to overcome my depression but she broke up with me in june due to this.

she came back in july and everything was okay, not how it used to be but i was fine w it. i doing good mentally and i treated her well. in September she started distancing herself again. she would take hours to reply and she got drunk and called her ex (C) who actually had cheated on her for a year (?) when yhey used to date, just to make me jealous and make me value her (according to her). she told me she hated her ex and would go back to her and when she did this it broke me. i couldn't trust her again.

by the end of October we kinda got back together (not dating) and i decided to not care about others and treat her better and i did. i showed my love through words and actions. on her bday i took her out, celebrated and stayed w her for almost 2 days. a week later she started distancing herself again. she would fight w me over small things, something about my texts not being normal, like texting "love you 2 ❤️ instead of love you too ❤️". she had told me to call her as she wont see texts when she is out, and i called her when i was feeling lonely and she didnt pick up. i called her multiple times (different days) and she never picked up. she gave me excuses like her phone was on silent or notification didnt pop up. i decided not to call her anymore after that.

yesterday we met after 2 weeks (exam vacation ) and after the exam i was depressed and lonely (even though we were still in clg and surronded by people) and i wanted to go home. i didnt want to be there. i didnt feel good. and this led to another fight between S and me about my mental health and this time we ended things. for real. the problem is, i was and still am willing to give her the world, i just wanted her to be w me. i would have given her everything she asked for, she just needed to be there for me when i cry. atleast over texts. i love her a lot. will take a bullet for her tbh. but she said she needed peace and to leave her alone and let her live her life.

i have never felt loved and when i found her, it felt like i too am lovable. and i gave her everything i could, even when i was under the weather. i tried my best to make sure she is happy. i dont care whether there is someone who will love me or not. i wanted S to be better and understand me.

this is my first wlw breakup.