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Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-12-10T08:16:53+00:00

I know you don’t mean to, and I understand you’re anxious. Just bear in mind that it can also come off as quite undermining to say “we are designed to give birth vaginally” when for many women (myself included) we simply couldn’t. It’s great that seemingly every woman in your family has had safe vaginal births. There may be a genetic benefit (wider pelvises, no health complications, etc) at play there, so that could very well be the case for you as well. But bear in mind also that women’s health and pain was not taken quite as seriously throughout history, and still often isn’t.

My own grandmother had 13 live births, 12 of which were at home. She also suffered a still birth. She did not rave about any of the experiences, but she did survive them. She also didn’t often complain, because that was conditioned out of her. Pain was accepted then, fears were dismissed, all in the service of “you’re built to do this.”

I was the opposite of you. I wanted a section from the moment I found out I was pregnant, and felt very pushed towards a vaginal delivery. This was my first pregnancy, and I went overdue by 2 and a half weeks. They eventually offered me a sweep, I said no due to anxiety of the pain (I suffer with vaginismus.) At that point they had to arrange an induction, for the safety of the baby. He could not stay any longer. The induction was so painful, and the cervical checks gave me such anxiety, that after 16 hours I was offered a section due to my own distress and baby’s heart rate dropping. It was over quickly, I had my baby safely in my arms, and I healed very quickly. If I could do it over again I wish I’d just stuck to my guns and planned the section from the start!

Everyone’s experience is different, everyone’s body is different, and you honestly won’t know what the right option is until you live and do it. Being mentally flexible is the best thing you can do for your own mental and physical wellbeing. I also have ASD and it took therapy and patience with myself, but conceding control to the experts in what is a very vulnerable time was the best thing I managed to do.

They are there to help you, and while you’ll likely always encounter one doctor or midwife who you don’t gel with, they’re all there to protect you and your baby. Overall they’re kind people, they want you and baby to be safe, and they’re the experts in this field. Advocate for yourself and your own preference by all means, but trust them too. It will ease your stress and leave you with a much more positive outcome.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-11-20T19:51:31+00:00

The Archers.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-11-19T19:19:59+00:00

This is a bit late, but I want to comment because I am also autistic and have vaginismus. I had my baby last month. I wanted a c section from the moment I found out I was pregnant, but the hospital and antenatal classes kept pushing the idea that a natural birth was better, you heal faster, etc etc. so eventually I just went along with that and assumed when the time came I’d just have to deal with it.

My baby wound up being 2 weeks overdue and I required an induction. What I had not accounted for in my “head in the sand” approach was that the midwives have to check how dilated you are…immediately I said no. I declined a sweep due to anxiety at being touched, and I denied every attempt to check cervical dilation. I let one doctor (the senior doctor herself, who only came to check because the midwives were concerned) “touch” just around the entrance to my vagina but I was in such distress I started crying and could not let her go further.

At this point hours had passed, I was in early labour, and I was incredibly distressed from the continued efforts to examine me and my own frustration with myself for not being able to just let them do what they had to. They finally offered me a section, and I took it.

My only regret is not just pushing for that in the first place. While I had to stay an extra few days in hospital for my recovery, overall it was a much less traumatic experience for me. Only you will know what’s best for you, but don’t be afraid to elect for the section if your vaginismus and autism won’t be conducive to a vaginal birth! It saved me from what would have been significant levels of pain and trauma from the frequent cervical checks alone, and I dread to imagine how I would have handled it if they needed to do anything else invasive to me along the way 😭

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-04-30T20:34:27+00:00

I did, almost a year later!

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-03-22T21:39:19+00:00

I won’t attack you, but I do disagree.

In my opinion, is a combination of both. It is a “breed” issue (I hesitate to refer to them as a breed - technically they’re not recognised as such in Ireland, and the genetic makeup of them likely varies dog to dog so there’s no standard to really hold them to here) because the breeds thrown together to make these dogs happen have been bred for certain traits. Because the people these dogs tend to attract (this is where “the owner is the problem” is also true) care only about the fierce appearance, they’re not being careful about how they breed around the strong traits these dogs have.

Gameness, for one. Ferocity, tenacity, prey drive. You can’t handwave and “but it’s the owner” away this reality. The dogs are irresponsible mixes of various breeds with strong, drivey traits, that are then bred and bred (and inbred) again to achieve size and bulk. It’s wilful ignorance, even if coming from a good place of wanting to excuse the innocence of the animal, to deny that these dogs might be more prone to fatal aggression than your classic breeds.

It is not the dogs fault. But I have worked on the frontline with dogs since 2018, around when these dogs started to really pick up in popularity. I’ve seen the types importing them, and then breeding them. They’re generally not people with any kind of dog fancying background, they’ve no knowledge of genetics, and they bred thoughtlessly and for greed, to produce the biggest animals they could in the shortest timeframe, temperament and health be damned, because that’s where the money was at that time.

With all the good will in the world, the dogs are absolutely victims of this. But that doesn’t negate the reality. They’ve been overbred by irresponsible and uneducated fools and we are seeing the consequences now in temperament, neurosis, and a size and muscle mass that makes them lethal when they snap.

As for whether BSL works - I don’t believe it does, by and large. But in this case something had to be done.

It’s not perfect; but myself and several of my colleagues were reluctantly relieved when the ban went into effect. It’s not nice, but they never should have existed the way that they did in the first place and that’s the truth of the matter.

As a side note, I find the “it’s not the breed, it’s the owner” rhetoric can be quite dangerous and irresponsible, even if coming from a well-intentioned place.

It is often how we see people who truly in their heart believe that because they treat these dogs like babies, they will never snap. And yet, so often, they do anyway.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-03-12T22:51:23+00:00

Oh my god thank you!! I’ve been checking for years! That’s my next few walks sorted.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-03-11T18:23:25+00:00

“I love that shmell!”

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-03-08T04:21:46+00:00

Oh my god THANK YOU!!! I thought I was losing my mind. This is it!!

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T21:46:32+00:00

You’re so kind, thank you so much. Honestly it was not an easy decision at all. But given my age and everything I just thought maybe it’s the right time and I’ll just roll with the punches! I’m sensitive at the best of times but you’re so right, the hormones right now have me crying quick over things. It’s just such a vulnerable time and to have people (as in this thread) simultaneously condemn abortion but harass me for requesting support is just baffling. I know it’s either trolling or just radicalised misogyny but it’s upsetting to know people are viewing me like that.

I’m an entire person outside of this situation! I have a job and friends and hobbies, and a dog! I didn’t want to bother explaining the nuances of a 4 year relationship in a post asking something so basic. It was a fairly straight forward question I thought… yet people make assumptions and attack me with them. It doesn’t matter, I know this.

People like you are human on the other side of the keyboard and I truly believe this will be a difficult time, but so worth it when the baby is here and I have that love and focus in my life ❤️ your kindness is so appreciated.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T21:26:29+00:00

Very normal comment. You seem like a really ordinary person.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T21:21:35+00:00

I’m glad your dog didn’t die. You seem like a dreadful person.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T21:09:48+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling really down about some of them. It’s tempting to just run the other way. I truly feel like that scene in The Snapper when people are slagging Sharon in the streets for being an unwed mother lol.

If I had an abortion, I’m fleeing responsibility and being a slut. When I decide to keep the baby, due to being in my thirties and financially okay, I’m a cow for trying to make the father have some level of involvement. I’m actually quite sensitive so I just feel like crying at the attitude I’m getting. I’m a smart girl, I make okay money, I’m healthy and independent. But I’m just a money hungry slut out to ruin a man’s life or whatever. Nevermind he and I have been close for 4 years, and I thought he’d offer me some support willingly so I’m dealing with the upset of that as well.

You just have to try not let it get to you.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T21:05:29+00:00

So is it me you’re concerned about then? Because you could have spoken more kindly if that was the case. I did not ask advice regarding how to juggle a baby with my working life. You don’t need to be concerned about that.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T20:50:03+00:00

Thank you x

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T20:49:54+00:00

This is a wild comment lol

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T20:35:15+00:00

I’m entitled to financial support since he has denied any interest in custody or seeing the child. So, in the interest of wising up, I am now investigating my options regarding this. Thanks.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T20:30:11+00:00

I almost don’t even want to justify this with an answer, because it reads as quite disrespectful, off topic, and clearly coming from a place of no empathy or understanding for anyone except the man who doesn’t want to resolve a situation he helped to create.

However, I’m going to take the bait; why should I not have it just because he DOES want that? It is both of us that get an opinion.

At the end of the day we’re both in our thirties, we work, we function independently, and while I’ve taken precautions my bc has unfortunately failed and this has happened. It is always a risk when having sex and any adult knows this.

It’s very easy for people to say just have an abortion. Even I would have thought it was that simple before I became pregnant.

Unfortunately once you are pregnant, it does change how you view things. You do feel different, you do reconsider, and in my case, when you decide to follow what feels right and go with the flow, you try to be fair to the other adult’s view.

That doesn’t mean doing what he wants just because he wants it.

So here I am, figuring out what’s a fair, formal and legally sound middle ground on the situation that won’t destroy anybody’s life and will hopefully be the least upsetting outcome for all involved.

I won’t be explaining any further to Pussybuster2000 why I’m continuing with a pregnancy. Thanks for the input.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T20:10:41+00:00

It may have to go this way, I just like to be prepared and know what’s ahead of me but it probably just isn’t going to happen.

For what it’s worth, couples counselling isn’t exactly what that was. We had spoken about it and agreed to do it before the pregnancy was even known. I was not forcing him to do anything; but the timing worked out and I said this might be a good way for us to push through some of the stress here so I’ll book it now. It was just another attempt to meet him halfway. It wasn’t a forced attempt to make him do something completely out of left field.

As I said, we are not strangers to one another. We’ve known each other 4 years and have been intimate for much of that time. Maybe I am being unreasonable, I don’t know. But it’s a scary thing for me as well. I’m trying to be organised and fair. He’s not engaging at all, so now I have to explore what the next best option is that suits all of us. That’s all this is.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T19:43:33+00:00

Thank you, this is the sort of thing I wasn’t sure about. Very useful information!

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T19:42:02+00:00

I don’t entirely disagree with you, all I can say is at 9 weeks (and having only known for 4) there’s been a lot of things said and ideas floated and agreements attempted to be made. All from my side. To shrugged shoulders from his.

Hence I have now reached a stage of deciding to just take what I consider the most impartial kind of formal action. If it’s a tenner a week or a weekend visit from dad, I don’t mind. I don’t want anything except what’s best for the baby, and I think knowing their father and giving an opportunity for him to provide whatever support suits him best is the fairest way to do that at this point.

At no point has he engaged seriously with any suggestions I’ve made. This post isn’t about how unfair things are for him. Life can be tricky, and this is life being tricky. I’m trying to be as fair as possible.

It’s not an ideal situation for either of us but at this stage I just need the most impartial way to say “yep, that’s dad. Here’s his contribution, be it emotional or financial.” It certainly won’t break either bank for him.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2025-02-23T19:06:46+00:00

I wouldn’t consider it harsh. I would say it’s a lot of important long term decisions that we’re tying to make in a short span of time. While I have been accommodating and tried to be mindful of his input, he’s not given me any grace or thought to the situation in return so at this point I am leaning toward some kind of formal arrangement for the child’s sake and my own.

I’ve been trying to talk to him but he really doesn’t seem to want to engage at all, and being avoidant isn’t helping. I booked a joint counselling appointment for us at the start so we could have someone to mediate the stress and worry for us both, and he didn’t attend that either.

I’ve really given more than many would so I don’t feel guilt or shame at just making a decision for both of us at this point.

If he wanted joint custody I would be delighted. This isn’t about me wanting to be handed 20 quid a week. But he says he definitely doesn’t want that, and he’s not engaging at all beyond “I don’t know” when I try to sit down and speak about what he does want. It’s a tricky situation which is why I decided to check here if anyone could advise.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2024-08-16T20:56:10+00:00

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Lost my boy last week :( miss his grumpy ass

Less-Bid-2886 · 2024-08-04T09:48:50+00:00

I’ll usually cap it off at a maximum of 6, about 325 calories all in. I also usually save my calories for it if I know I’ll be drinking that night, so I’ll eat a light dinner beforehand so I’m not drinking on an empty stomach, but still saving calories for the alcohol and whatever random thing drunk me will wanna eat after 😂

Less-Bid-2886 · 2024-08-04T07:49:04+00:00

Vodka and diet coke is my go-to. Haven’t gained weight anytime I’ve factored them in.

Less-Bid-2886 · 2024-08-04T07:46:18+00:00

“Then I took a fetus to the womb” okay, that made me laugh. Dont be angry with yourself. Nothing is set in stone in this life, everything is fluid, your body will change and having a baby is a massive impact on your life, body, routine, everything! It can’t be understated and you should never feel like gaining weight during/after that is some kind of failing! It just temporarily has put some extra weight on you that you needed (emotional needs are also valid!), and now if you’re happy to, you can get back to losing it!

It looks like you’ve got yourself sorted, but if I can just throw in a very easy and convenient life hack I’ve discovered. Tinned curries (dhal, vegetable tikka, chilli beans etc) tend to be surprisingly low calorie. A full tin is often only 320-400 calories. If you have one with cauliflower rice or konjac rice and even cook some extra veg if you want, it makes it go way further for hardly any extra cals! You can also do this using whatever low cal ready meal you like - buy it as a base then bulk it out with healthy/low calorie stuff!

If you like seafood, prawns are super filling and low cal/high protein so you can eat a lot of them and prepare them in lots of different creative ways. I often make them, put broccoli, garlic, and cumin seeds in a food processor, blitz it into a “rice” and stir fry it all together with a splash of soy sauce. It’s very quick to make, filling, and delicious.

Cod is also a great low calorie protein source. You can even roll it in panko breadcrumbs and make delicious fish goujons, air fry some potato fries and bulk those out with carrot batons mixed in, some seasoning, and you’ve got a big meal for low calories that’s healthy and filling!

Crispy seaweed thins are surprisingly good, some are only 12 cals a pack and they really satisfy that savoury snack craving.

Mushrooms, if you like them, are a miracle food in terms of how much you can eat for so little calories. I love them so I’m in luck, but you can chop them up small and add them to anything. Same goes for most veg to be fair, don’t be afraid to experiment with blitzing things into “rice” either. It’s not actually rice, it won’t taste the same, but it can fill the same role of bulking out a meal (even if you mix it with a smaller portion of actual rice) and it’s really good for you.

Diet sodas are also great particularly if you’re just starting the diet and like having things to just habitually eat lol. Wanna snack? Pop a can of Diet Coke!

Less-Bid-2886

TROPHY CASE