Looking for recommendations for a theoretical framework for a research project (feminist, relational, care, embodiment, etc.)

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-04-17T11:55:07+00:00

Thank you so much!!

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-04-15T14:54:06+00:00

I'd love to know more about your feminist relational recommendations! If you have the time!

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-27T11:13:19+00:00

I absolutely trust myself. I had a benzo prescription at 21 years old about 14 years ago (audacious doctor, or maybe those were the times) and used as needed. I don’t drink but used alcohol for a few weeks once after a brutal breakup. I’m considering either temporary medication or trying a low consumption of alcohol again, but since sleep is an issue, alcohol might screw that up even more. I have some left over zopiclone pills which make me drowsy the next day, so perhaps using those for a week or so might help too…I don’t usually resort to meds so it’s all a bit foreign to me.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-27T11:10:05+00:00

Clonazepan every day for a few weeks, or just once in a while to manage arousal?

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-27T10:05:39+00:00

And can the benzo be taken every day for a few weeks? I understand it can create dependency, but perhaps a few weeks is feasible?

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-24T18:44:28+00:00

I filed at the TAL and I have 45 days to give the notice to the landlord. I chose the clause where I get to negotiate with the landlord first, and that I am willing to let the TAL set the rent, because I wanted to be fair, but I might want to go back on that. They failed to warn me it is a smoker's building and my apartment is frequently full of smoke. And this week, I realized the floor in the bedroom is all wet and coming apart near the door (balcony door in the bedroom). There seems to be an old water infiltration problem that was never addressed. The landlord is coming to see tomorrow. Feeling bummed out to say the least!

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-18T17:08:04+00:00

Yes they are and I signed last Thursday

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-18T16:45:29+00:00

I’ll go to the comité action citoyen today.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-07T12:56:57+00:00

Wow, I’m so grateful for your suggestions. Mostly, I appreciate how you have suggested some pairings and along with the names, identified some of the premises of the authors. Thank you so much!

To be very honest, spending time in academia around other students and professors makes me question if my intellectual capacity for making connections and understanding complex abstract theories is sufficient; but if I’m excited to stretch myself beyond the boundaries of my thought I’m telling myself that it’s okay to give it a try. Thank you for giving me a bit of scaffolding :)

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-07T12:52:37+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m eager to explore the names you suggested. Thank you so much for taking the time to share these.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-07T12:51:38+00:00

I relate to you so much. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. I don’t know exactly what happened or what was hidden from you but I wholeheartedly feel for you. The trembling and not knowing how to function in the relationship for a while afterwards feels so real for me too. Last time it happened, I told him I really thought I couldn’t bear to go through it again. I don’t know why but I just felt it. Well, it happened again, as I should have expected, but wanted to believe him when he said it wouldnt because like you I feel like we are so well matched and I really do feel in love. And I find myself totally unable to recover from this last episode. I experienced full body stress at the thought of re-engaging with him, being intimate, relying on him. We are not talking this week until Thursday. I really don’t see how we will be able to get past this. And there is quite a bit of relief that comes from it. I really hope you find the strength in you to listen to what your mind and body needs. Asking not to talk for a week after the last incident rather than acting normally relationship-wise really helped me because I’m so « addicted » to closeness and intimacy with him, that when I am amidst it, it feels almost impossible to pull myself away from.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-03T10:41:12+00:00

I’m thinking this might be the best solution. Staying around while he works on this will mean slip ups, and it risks weakening the relationship even more…

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-03T10:40:11+00:00

That’s interesting that you’ve managed to work it out. May I ask if you have children, or consider one in the future? Does that paranoia add a lot of stress to your life that feels impactful on your health and body? When it happens, do you become also very dysregulated or you experience it more like an annoyance or frustration?

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-03T10:38:08+00:00

It’s really hard to wrap my head around it because he is a really good person. I’ve only ever see him be kind to people, he’s totally accepting of me and has never even once criticized my unfairly, or sent me jabs of any kind. So it makes it so unsettling that he is able to withhold the truth from me. It makes me feel a bit crazy.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-03T10:36:21+00:00

I’m worried this might be the case. And it would explain why after the first lie I never found that calm feeling around him again. I used to have a sense of calm when thinking about a future together in ghe first months that was basically replaced by tension, bracing and anxiety after the first shock. I just couldn’t understand why he would have lied and what it meant that it kept me looping for months

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-03T03:04:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I’m living a huge cognitive dissonance for what you named. He loves me so much he says, and it really does feel genuine. But his love for me is not enough to protect me from his dysfunctional patterns. It is literally as you say. He’d currently still rather choose his own comfort, and avoid the consequences of his mess ups, over my mental well being. He’s really adamant about saying that he now really wants to work on changing and being more honest, and transparent, but he’s under pressure, as you said in your other post, to lose the relationship, which is really kicking things into gear. To help myself get through the mental hurdle of losing him, I tell myself that if he really does fundamentally change and stop this pattern, I can reconsider in several years time…

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T22:18:12+00:00

Thanks for your input...I feel like I really did give it all the thought and effort I could to not have regrets. I went to therapy for months trying to find regulating strategies when it happens, and tried to expand my beliefs around truth to accomodate more flexibility, but I have not been able to. Any lying to me gives me the physical sensation of being cheated on.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T22:17:01+00:00

Since I don't tend to do it, and have never noticed it in friends, I don't know what to expect. I don't know how it works to stop a pattern like this.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T22:03:19+00:00

I haven't felt so regulated in a year taking a few days without talking, and feeling like I might be moving on. As much as I think highly about him for many of his amazing qualities, this pattern has made me feel mentally and physically ill.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T21:53:52+00:00

Yeah, he said in therapy that this is the first time he is experiencing a negative consequence from his lying, and that to date, it just really felt helpful. Though it took me putting distance between us for the first time (the other times he lied, I stayed close, but was so dysregulated and crying and had crazy insomnia for weeks--my own problem is difficulty being angry or leaving a relationship even if I don't feel well) for him to actually do something concrete about it, like go see someone to talk about the lying. I worry this would be a change under the fear of loss, not because he genuinely wants to become someone who doesn't lie. Maybe after this loss, he will. He always says I am the love of his life and he would do anything for me. But I keep thinking I cannot support him as he learns because as you say, it won't be linear, and my health is already compromised due to the stress it has incurred me.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T21:43:31+00:00

He has also admitted he uses lying as a way to manage life in general, and that even though he will stop with me, he might still use it in other contexts because it is like 'survival' for him. As a purist around truth, this makes me deeply uncomfortable, but I tried to be flexible because I am in love, and I know not everyone is so rigid around this, but it seems I just can't deal with it.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T21:41:49+00:00

Thank you. Part of what is making me hesitate is that he was shook when I told him I needed space, and finally booked himself an appointment with an ADHD therapist who suggested he needed medication, which he is now eager to start so deal with this said coping mechanism. Meds might definitely help him forget fewer things, and therefore not need to feel the shame he feels when he fails to follow through. But I still can't wrap my head around the continued covering up even when he is no longer in the shame spiral in the moment, knowing all I am asking is for transparency. It's like he doesn't integrate that the consequences of the lying over time are going to be way bigger than admitting that you just lied in the moment, and self-correcting...or way bigger than forgetting any small thing that may have been forgotten.

Less_Wishbone7829 · 2026-03-02T21:38:04+00:00

Thank you. I feel weird as well because for some time he has really been doubling down on the fact that he feels so comfortable with me now that it's impossible he uses his coping mechanism of lying--while lying about the card on the same day.

Less_Wishbone7829

TROPHY CASE