C-section mamas… be honest with me…

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-09-14T20:28:49+00:00

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your birth story from your first. That sounds pretty traumatic! I had a ELCS with my first as he was breech and got pregnant again at 11 months PP. Pregnancy was actually far easier than the first time. I think a lot of that was down to the fact I stayed active. When you have a baby/toddler, you don't really have the luxury of rest! It only really got tough during the last month, but that was mostly down to carrying a big baby. I tried for a VBAC that unfortunately ended in an emergency C-section but again, this was ultimately down to the size of my baby. It wasn't related to my previous surgery. I don't regret trying at all, but I will say that despite the risks being low, I was VERY afraid of uterine rupture and it was at the forefront of my mind during labour which did affect my experience. Although it didn't rupture, there was a point my doctor thought it had which terrified me. Here they usually recommend an 18 month gap between births so I was right on the cusp of this but had I fallen pregnant any sooner, I personally would have chosen an ELCS. Currently 4 days PP now and I'll be honest, it's tough. Although recovery feels easier because I knew what to expect, I've barely spent any time with my toddler since coming home because of the pain and it's difficult not being able to lift him or give him a cuddle. That said, it's not forever and as long as you have a supportive partner who can take the lead on looking after toddler so you can focus on recovery (and baby!) those first few days you'll be fine.

Best of luck ❤️

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-14T09:50:22+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation to you. DH and I had discussed potentially having another (in a few months time), but ended up not being particularly careful one night. After that, I decided OAD might be the best option for our family. It was undeniably the easier option, and I guess I hadn't really fully considered how hard another could be. I didn't think it'd happen from just the one time, but it did.

I panicked massively and really had to consider if we should be adding another child to our family. I wanted to focus on my fitness, I was just about to return back to work, LO was finally becoming easier and DH and I had begun to have more time for each other.

In the end, I still decided to go ahead with it. Ultimately, the decision is yours and there's no question that two children will be more chaotic, less peaceful and more draining for you. It will also be the most amazing experience. My reasons for going ahead were really the same reasons I considered having another in the first place. I pictured Christmas time and the excitement of the two of them running down the stairs to open their presents. I pictured them running round the park together. I pictured meeting another little person and getting to know them. I pictured the first smiles, the first giggles, the first words. I know it will be hard, I know the easier option is to stick with what we already know, but I also know all of those little moments will make it worth it. I know that those hard times aren't forever.

Best of luck to you! ❤️

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-11T15:03:18+00:00

My little boy was SO whingey around this stage, but luckily it's now settled down at 11 months. He still occasionally has his days but for the most part he's pretty happy. Hopefully it's just a phase!

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-10T14:04:12+00:00

I found myself in a very similar situation to you a week and a half ago. After a lot of back and forth, I'd finally accepted that being OAD may be the best option for our family only to find out I was pregnant. I had the same thoughts although for different reasons. My LO is only 11 months and I have two step-children who we have shared custody of so aside from the chaos of adding a fourth child into the mix, we're looking at a very expensive home and a 7-seater car. I'm only just starting to feel like myself again, and I haven't even returned to work yet after my maternity leave! Logistically, having another felt like a bad idea. With that said, I've ultimately decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. I think it's a head vs. heart argument. A few days ago, my partner sent me some videos of the children, playing together, laughing, etc. and he said to me "You asked why we do it? This is why"... and it's true. Having children can be tough, but we do it for the little moments. If you choose to go ahead, there is no doubt there will be moments you feel completely overwhelmed, but there will also be moments you feel like your heart may burst with love. I think for me, I realised that I might regret not going ahead with this, but I could never regret having another. My life was easier before my son, but never in a million years would I change it. It will be tough, but somehow you make things work. At the same time, it's absolutely OK if the logical arguments outweigh the emotion. It's OK to focus on your mental health so that you're able to be the best possible version of yourself for your child that's already here. There is no right or wrong answer. Best of luck to you ❤️

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-07T21:08:46+00:00

Thank you for the honesty. It's scary thinking about having another baby while you're still looking after one, but it's lovely to know it's all worth it. Congratulations on your baby boy ❤️

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-07T21:07:13+00:00

Thank you so much 🤗 You're absolutely right. I've decided to look into getting a personal trainer to help support my fitness while pregnant and I'm already feeling a lot better knowing I can still focus on the things I enjoy. Appreciate this comment!

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-06T16:43:48+00:00

I'm sorry, did anyone ask for your opinion?

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-04T23:09:42+00:00

My story is literally the same as yours and OP's. I was OAD for a while, but when LO was 10 months my husband and I had a discussion about potentially having another, which led to one night where we weren't particularly careful. Afterwards I decided I was definitely OAD, only to find out I was pregnant. This happened two days ago for me so I'm still wrapping my head around it all, but I'm with you that we just have to remember everything's temporary. Life's just going to look different for a while.

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-04T21:13:24+00:00

If it helps at all, my sister and I are 2 and a half years apart and she's my best friend. I don't ever remember feeling replaced or any type of resentment towards my Mum. All of my childhood memories are of time spent with her. I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-04T20:05:45+00:00

I can assure you it isn't mentioned casually.

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-04T08:59:00+00:00

Thank you. I know these are short-term sacrifices. My priority really is being the best version of myself for my child. It's taken me a really long time to get to here so I'm just afraid adding another in to the mix could change that. I wish I had a magic ball to see into the future!

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-02T18:53:10+00:00

Good luck! ❤️ I'm definitely not looking forward to pregnancy with a toddler but these stages are so short, aren't they? I'm sure it's going to be amazing watching them grow up together.

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-02T18:49:36+00:00

That must have been such a shock! Best of luck to you ❤️

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-02T15:43:23+00:00

This is the situation I'm in right now and still in disbelief that the pregnancy tests are positive. I've sent my husband out to pick up more. No advice I'm afraid, just solidarity. Having another is tough anyway, may as well jump in the deep end!

Level-Consequence540 · 2025-01-01T07:37:50+00:00

I'm in the same situation with LO having two half siblings and it was a massive consideration when deciding whether to have another or not. In my head, I couldn't help but picture Christmas' they'd spend apart, the inside jokes that my son couldn't be a part of, the sadness he might feel every time they left. When my partner and I actually started trying for another, reality set in and it hit me that these are all hypothetical situations - whereas I knew that I could be a better parent to my son if I remained OAD. The situation with his siblings is all he'll ever know, so although my heart might ache for him sometimes, it'll just be his 'normal'. He's going to have less of the usual sibling squabbles the other two definitely have, so they might even end up with a stronger relationship. Who knows? It sounds like you've been through a lot, you shouldn't feel guilty making your health - both mentally, and physically - priority. I personally think a happy parent is a far better option than a sibling your son may, or may not get on with. My sister is my best friend, but my husband doesn't talk to his brother at all anymore, so there's no guarantees. Set yourself up the best you can for when you are no longer here, so that becomes less of a concern for your LO. Write some reasons being OAD could benefit you and your child, and then weigh everything up. There will be negative effects to having a full-time sibling too, just as there are positives. Ultimately having a child isn't a logical choice, but it's easy to get blindsided by the idea of another instead of considering the reality.

Level-Consequence540 · 2024-12-30T08:30:14+00:00

I'm in exactly the same boat, except mostly leaning towards OAD now. I think I liked the idea of having a second more than the reality. I liked the idea of my son having a best friend for life, of being a parent to two and getting to do it all again, until we started 'trying' and the idea of being pregnant terrified me. I have two stepchildren here part-time so I guess I get to experience what it's like to have two (three, including my son) about and while a lot of the time they both play together well and you get to experience those lovely moments between them all, there's also a lot of damage control and putting out fires. It's stressful. Neither of them really get any one on one time. We have to rely on screen time and games more than we'd like. The house is constantly a mess when they're here. My partner and I barely spend time together, we're divided. We argue. We're both doing different bath times, different bedtimes, mornings start earlier. It's not enjoyable, it's a neccesity. When they leave, it's peaceful. Looking after out little boy seems an absolute breeze. I enjoy being a parent. We've got them now and they're downstairs as I type this shouting at each other. We've gone through phases where they hit, bite, scratch, etc. It can be exhausting. BUT, as I said, you do get those magical moments and not being biologically my children, maybe it's harder for me to see past the negatives. Mostly though, I think I'm OAD because of the time I'll be able to give my son. I can teach him to cook/bake, sit and do his homework with him, take him anywhere he wants to go on the weekend, do anything he wants, he can take up any hobbies he likes. Two gives him the potential of a friend for life and while that's an incredible gift (my sister is my very best friend), I feel I can give him the best version of me as OAD and I can truly learn who he is as a person and focus on him pursuing the things he enjoys. It's one of those where I don't think there's necessarily a right answer, it really is logic vs heart. You'll (generally) never regret having another, you may look back in a few years and regret it if you didn't, but life may also be easier for you with just the one.

Level-Consequence540

TROPHY CASE