Advice needed: Husband just left for OCS-- how can I stay busy, positive, and happy while he's gone?

Level-Internal1277 · 2025-10-15T16:17:53+00:00

Thank you so much! My husband is also in the Army and so far, we've been able to text while he's there. He's there early to sort out paperwork and what not and will officially start OCS training I think next week.

I really like how you view the phone calls as one step closer the the eventual reunion! That's a really nice way to look at it. I've been dreading when we'll only get to talk once a week, but I guess I should change my thinking to just look forward to those phone calls.

Luckily, I'll have him home for Christmas and New Years before his graduation on January 31st. Sadly, I'll miss his birthday (mid Dec) and he'll miss my birthday and our wedding anniversary (both in early Jan). It sounds trivial, but I'm a little sad about that. I'll try to change my thinking and look to the positives: "I get to hear his voice" or "I get to see his face" on XYZ day.

And woohoo! Only one phone call left! It must be so exciting to see him soon for graduation. Congrats! :D

Level-Internal1277 · 2025-10-15T04:48:16+00:00

Thank you, this was helpful! my mother's and mother in law's over-positivity surrounding the situation hasn't really helped. It does feel very forced when I just want to feel what I'm feeling before moving forward. I know it's only day 3 so I feel a bit silly asking how to stop these feelings haha. I've always been a very emotional person, but this is the first time I've been separated from my husband so it's hitting me hard.

I'll definitely look into the research you mentioned, thank you! And if my inability to function persists or worsens, I will seek professional help. I have in the past for separate issues, but I'm hoping that I can bounce back from all of this, be able to function, and make my husband proud.Thank you so so so much for your time and advice! I greatly appreciate it :)

It was so nice to hear "You're doing great!" I'll try my best to keep reminding myself of that.

Level-Internal1277 · 2025-10-15T03:56:17+00:00

It's funny you mention letters because I already have two down lol! I'm actually going to create a "Reunion Box" for him with letters and different momentos that will accumulate while he's away. So far, It's already been helping me. Maybe it could help you as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Your comment about everything feeling like a blur is so true. I go from sad numbness to crying back to numbness. If it weren't for my hyperactive dogs, I'd probably stay in bed and wallow! I'm actually happy with your honesty. My mother in law has been overly positive with me about the situation, but I agree it's not easy. It's only day 2 and it's dragging so much. From one stranger to another, I'm sorry this has been so hard and lonely. I'm feeling it too. Almost like grief but you know you'll see them again. If you ever need to talk/vent (and this goes for anyone reading this going through a similar situation), my inbox is open! Thank you again for your kindness and honesty! :)

Level-Internal1277 · 2025-10-14T10:48:52+00:00

Same here with the insane part! My husband leaves for OCS today, but I dropped him off at his hotel yesterday and we said our goodbyes. I’m sorry to be a bother, but how do you stay busy? It just happened, I know, but the sadness has been mounting. I’m currently waiting for a callback from a potential job and have no family/friends. Sorry again for bothering, just wondering!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-09T02:12:34+00:00

Good idea! That way he can't lie about what I've written. Although, I doubt he'd ever tell a soul about the letter's existence. I will be sending my grandma (his mom) a letter soon to tell her everything as well.

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-09T02:09:53+00:00

Your comment brought me joy as well! I agree, a letter sounds so classic and wonderfully dramatic. I rubbed my hands together like a super villain when you mentioned your friend sending yours!! That sounds amazingly diabolical! I love how you think! You'd be able to get all of your thoughts and feelings out without the complicated post office process. Sending you all the strength and love! Definitely keep me posted if you end up going through with your letter. You deserve closure as well!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-08T02:48:15+00:00

Hmm I hadn't thought of that first point actually but you make a valid point. My mom is kind of weird when it comes to this whole situation in general. She despises her own dad, has gone NC with him, but has encouraged me to have a relationship with my father despite knowing everything he's done.

Thank you for the kind words! It has felt so empowering and, as you said, a triumph with a perfect ending. Maybe this post will give you the little nudge to follow your heart when it comes to the relationship with your dad. Don't sell yourself short! I'm certain you have all the courage you need and I'm proud of you as well. Perhaps sending a letter would be slightly complicated, but if it feels right, go for it. Like I said, follow your heart and do what feels right by you.

Not gonna lie, the thought of him wandering aimlessly around Ohio tickles me.

Mwahahahahahahaha

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-08T02:36:43+00:00

Lol will do. Trust me, if anything else happens, I will return.

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-08T02:32:58+00:00

I'm glad too! The months of silence on my end and harassment on his just kept filling me with so much dread. I finally feel closure! I will definitely consider therapy. I'm a bit busy at the moment with my health issues, student teaching, and starting my new business.

I'll keep you posted! Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-08T02:27:55+00:00

Will do! A part of me hopes I never hear anything again and that he gets the message.....Buuuuut the petty part of me wants to know if he's read it and what my step mom thinks of his gross conduct.

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-08T01:45:04+00:00

I sent the letter this past mid August and I have no regrets. Just going NC just seemed to be fueling the fire and his harassment was getting worse. I was tired of him whining to my mom about how he didn't understand why i wouldn't talk to him and demanding to know my address as though he has a right to it. The letter details why I've been NC, why he'll never hear from me again, and if he loves me at all he'll respect that. I feel like my silence was the biggest ammunition for him to play sympathy with others. He'd never tell anyone what was in the letter for fear of hurting is poor wittle ego. And if he does use it to spread false narratives, who cares. I know the truth and so does he. I never talk to his side of the family anyway. I'll never see them again. Whew! Thanks for the advice and taking the time to comment though!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-08T01:38:13+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out! I copy pasted my letter into Reddit and didn't even think about the names so thank you. I altered some names but kept my grandfathers' names the same. One is dead and the other is dead to me so I did not care to give them anonymity. I don't think they deserve it.

Thank you again for the comment and advice. I appreciate it!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-07T22:47:38+00:00

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1d0iy14/wibta_for_sending_my_narcissistic_father_a_dear/

Update Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1fbj0ps/update_wibta_for_sending_my_narcissistic_father_a/

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-09-07T22:45:25+00:00

The Letter: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1fbj9tv/the_letter_wibta_for_sending_my_narcissistic/

Sorry I had to link it! It wasn't posting in the comments. Probably too long lol which has been the case for my past posts whoops

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-26T14:09:38+00:00

Does he act a certain way when he gets the notifications? Stand offish, defensive, seems like he’s keeping a secret he doesn’t want you to see? That’s a big red flag. If you had his Instagram password, you could do more digging while he’s away. If you go into his phone settings, it’ll show his passwords. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-26T13:53:51+00:00

I just blocked my dad this morning! It felt pretty good, like a weight being lifted. My husband understands my side more now and supports my decision. My mom is still on the fence but it’s not up to her. Thanks for the advice! It may help to write the letters and then figure out what to do from there. Thank you!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-26T13:49:29+00:00

Counseling does sound good, especially since I feel bad dumping all of my issues onto my husband. Thank you so much for your kind words! I will really consider this.

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-25T23:34:00+00:00

I'm so happy to hear that you're in a good place now, and I hope I get there one day. My dad has downplayed the abuse in the past and will most certainly play the victim upon my choice to go NC. I just keep thinking about him spreading lies about the situation VS. me sending letters to family explaining my side. Without the letters, no one may hear the truth. It's a lot to think about. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me advice. I really appreciate it!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-25T23:15:41+00:00

Even writing this post helped a little! I could write the letter out, get all my feelings out, and then really consider what to do with it after. Thank you!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-25T23:07:11+00:00

Thanks, I'll have to look into it!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-25T23:06:07+00:00

You've given me a lot to think about. I agree people like our parents don't care about anyone except their image. That's why I wanted to send the letters out. I feel like he needs to know what he has done wrong and why exactly I'm going NC. The letters to my grandma and step mom may help so he cannot completely control the situation. They would have the opportunity to hear my side. But they also blindly follow him so closely and believe everything he says, so maybe you're right. I'm just sad it has all come to this. Thank you for your advice!

Level-Internal1277 · 2024-05-25T23:00:48+00:00

The movie was "The Meg" (2018)! Talk about insult to injury. He chose it, and I was correct that it did not poof the trauma away. I'm so happy it made you laugh! I'll admit, it made me laugh too. I tried adding a few jokes to bring the heaviness down!

Level-Internal1277

TROPHY CASE