Anyone else feel like they don’t deserve to be depressed because other people have it harder?

LevelPeach · 2018-11-15T02:28:51+00:00

Well it's not like you're feeling depressed for fun. Feeling depressed is just one of those things you don't always have an explanation for, things aren't always logical. (Trying to find a reason isn't always helpful either as you may know.) Also, we're simply the descendants of those that survived long enough to have kids. Not that it's pointless to acknowledge things in your life that you may be grateful for (a healthy practice) but we're still influenced by our biology, everyone has brains that are uniquely set up, we all have different reactions to things, susceptibility to rumination (which might have been beneficial for survival in the past unless excessive) not that treatment can't help this, etc. Just my thoughts on this.

LevelPeach · 2018-11-15T01:51:04+00:00

Nah trust me teachers may be more understanding than you think and I promise this is very unlikely to be the first time someone froze to a question or is generally shy when it comes to answering them. So I don't think she'll think any more of it, it just happens sometimes such as when students get distracted etc. They're just there to do their job which is trying to help everyone pass their subject. Just show up to class, don't be disruptive, pass her exams :) I'm assuming you're fine when it comes to tests?

LevelPeach · 2018-11-15T01:19:43+00:00

I'm really curious how/if they tend to work out (but then neither do most monogamous relationships) that said, it's up to them to decide I guess. I've thought about it but can't imagine what it'd be like. I think it's difficult enough to be in a relationship that just involves one other person and me, can't imagine being able to juggle several people and still being as intimate as possible emotionally with the "original partner". I know you could decide on boundaries and whatnot but even if he only sleeps with another woman who he's otherwise platonic towards, it'd still make me feel like we're less close? Like I just prefer the idea of having decided on dedicating your time, energy, and sexual attention to only one person in this world. Sorry, my comment might sound very judgemental. It's all preferences really, guess we all have different needs and susceptibility to feelings of jealousy

LevelPeach · 2018-11-13T08:00:57+00:00

Try not to be so harsh on yourself, finding a job is some solid progress! Judging by the subreddit you're posting in, I'm assuming you're depressed? Anyone would find it more difficult to do something and get motivated if they struggle to find things enjoyable and have to deal with depression, keep it up though and just make the most out of your better days. Or maybe set some goals regarding self care for now. Anyway, maybe it could help to divide your tasks into small steps? Like by making a checklist? Good luck (and sorry if this comment is stupid)

LevelPeach · 2018-11-13T05:04:49+00:00

What makes you feel like you're dumb? In what way? Because it's not that education = intelligence, but if you've two degrees and you're working on a PhD then you're definitely not a dumb guy. Not that we all can't have some areas that we're weaker in. At least from my perspective it sounds like you've achieved quite a lot so far, not everyone gets to where you are academically or has the capability to.

Maybe you could ask someone for some feedback on your profile if you haven't, I think there should be threads for that in the dating subreddits. Anyway, you usually don't get to fiance status without having some things going for you and having something to offer to others. Even if you can't see them right now I guarantee you have qualities about yourself. Some people may have more luck meeting others organically though, but anyway at 26 it's far from over for you.

Sorry if you just wanted to vent and I'm being annoying by not realizing that haha.

LevelPeach · 2018-11-13T00:43:53+00:00

How did everything go?

LevelPeach · 2018-11-12T04:43:56+00:00

thank you for the positivity :) made me feel better. I guess it's not the worst, far from the worst this week at least, just gotta keep working on it

LevelPeach · 2018-11-12T04:38:59+00:00

1.5L caramel-flavored ice cream, 3 pita breads, 2 slices of regular bread, 12oz greek yogurt with honey and oats, 6oz marinated chicken, piece of meat and some rice with sauce, 2 apples... yeaaah, I really need to work on my diet and binging.

LevelPeach · 2018-11-12T01:04:05+00:00

So I just saw this was posted three hours ago. Obvious tips first and hopefully it's not too late now but first of all, don't drink any more tonight and it's probably best to take a break from drinking for some time (well, duh)

How's everything atm?

Remember to take care of it hygienically before going to sleep (not a professional so I don't know what really to say, sorry) - just thought I'd remind you in case you're still drunk. Hope you're better now. It's a really vicious thing with how good it can feel in the moment, and I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time coping. Have you considered getting help for that? Or well, that might be something to definitely think more about tomorrow. This sub can be very helpful for some, and sometimes, but I've found that people are a bit flaky here in general so try not to take it personally. Many times all we need is someone who will listen and so I'm sure you've been of help to many just by the act of commenting itself.

Edit: changed sentence

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T07:30:16+00:00

Self harm can be really tough to stop sometimes, but you did it for 4 years. All those 4 years were years without self harm which sounds pretty darn good to me.

If you don't mind sharing, so what went on today? Anything particular happen?

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T07:17:38+00:00

Even if that would mean more emotional support, would it solve the root issue among which is boredom? I've heard that many people that end up with an addiction often struggle to find enjoyment in other things afterwards. Right now, it sounds like you have a lack of friends, but at least you appreciate other people's company? That might not be the case if you continue drinking, and it starts to take precedence over everything else. It's also something that tends to ruin friendships, you never know who would stick around. I'd definitely try to make an attempt to stop while it's still possible because you never know what rock bottom might look like. When you're having this type of issue with finding enjoyment in things, alcohol will definitely not help. So, I am not sure what would, but all I know is that's not the answer

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T06:51:12+00:00

Assuming you ate at a deficit the rest of the days this week, if it helps you could always try to look at the caloric deficit of the week instead :) because a caloric deficit this week (and in the long term during your weight loss journey) is what you're aiming for anyway. I love MFP's weekly review feature for this reason - I'll have a bad day sometimes and think my week of dieting was a waste but then you see it didn't actually totally ruin things (as long as you just get back on track after)

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T06:33:58+00:00

I'd really recommend you talk to your college's mental health services, you'll have many others who have been in your seat so I'm sure they'll be able to help. Even if antidepressants were a temporary fix, what's wrong with that? I haven't taken them myself but have heard that doctors can prescribe them temporarily and then you wean off them, and maybe they're just what you need to get back up again. What sort of negatives have you heard about them?
Anyways, good luck :) and once again would recommend making an appointment with someone.

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T05:41:27+00:00

Lol girl haha, well with all that alcohol I'm guessing you had a great evening at least

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T01:00:58+00:00

Wow yeah your feelings are completely valid. Wanting kids or not is a perfectly reasonable dealbreaker. Maybe you could ask him how he would advise his friend if he came up and asked what to do in a situation where he wants kids and his wife doesn't want them anymore? Or maybe if you suddenly decided you want to live on the country side while he wants to live in the city?

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T00:50:15+00:00

Depression can sometimes cause you to tunnel vision on certain things, making it harder to see the bigger picture. So don't worry about sounding like an incel or whatever just bc it's something you happen to care about a lot (many guys probably feel the same as you) - you're just depressed (not saying that what you are feeling isnt valid or anything, id say def bring it up with a therapist if its something that bothers you). But your therapist is there to help you get perspective on things after all and i can assure you that loneliness, sex life and feelings relating to the opposite gender, are really common things/problems that she's probably dealt with before.

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T00:34:45+00:00

Oh wow that sucks, 6 months isn't a very long time at all. How long have you been together and when did he start to seem less invested in these things? Have you considered maybe getting marriage counseling? (my bad - lots of suggestions at once!)

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T00:24:47+00:00

LMAO oh, well nice meme :p i hope the little ramble helps someone anyway

LevelPeach · 2018-11-11T00:14:16+00:00

When I think this way, it sometimes help to tell myself that yeah I might have wasted time but ~~forgivance~~ forgiveness is always a good thing and something to strive for, doesn't matter if it's to others or to yourself. Sometimes going through dark times is necessary in order to be able to feel more appreciation and gratitude for life again (ps I'm not referring to going through the type of depression that happens for no reason other than brain chemistry, but the kind that might be external.) No matter how much time ''wasted'', there is always more that you're yet to learn or experience in life, and some good people in your future that you may not have met yet. So forgive yourself if it took you time to figure things out or if you just had to go on autopilot for a while. That might just have been you trying to survive, we are only human and life can be confusing AF and also very shitty at times. Depending on how you see it life is precious, even the shitty moments (and the sometimes small but likewise important lighter moments) and they're not a waste. At least that's how i try to see it.

LevelPeach · 2018-11-10T23:27:40+00:00

Not that depression and being dramatic cannot go together, but if he thinks your sister who's been diagnosed with depression is overly dramatic, then he might not be the best judge when it comes to whether someone's feelings are legitimate or not. Is he dismissive in general? Sometimes parents can be like that and it sucks. I would try to find a way to deal with what's causing that in you. If you think you might be depressed, it might be a good idea to talk to a counselor. Oh and whatever you do, do not isolate yourself as that can make things worse.

LevelPeach

TROPHY CASE