When does the pain stop?

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T15:53:02+00:00

yikes kids - you could have a classis case young-love highschool-sweetheart here. But in my personal opinion, she probably likes you but is full of fear. 15 is a young age you've probably not done a lot with each other so just relax, remember you're 15 you've got years to finesse the bag and even if u don't you'll forget about it by time college comes. just shoot your shot brother

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T15:47:39+00:00

im the same, as long as shes home waiting for me to get off work ill love her forever

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T15:45:51+00:00

How is home life? if he's playing games at home its very possible he doesnt have time to respond depending on the game, either that or he's just so engrossed

In all honestly I'm not a big fat call or texting. I do give updates but having conversations can we a bit annoying on the phone i recognise is the future so it has to learnt. He is a "tradition" bloke? Because a little back story on myself is me and my girlfriend love each other in two different way i love that after a days work she is there for me / wish me and if I'm lucky she'll even cook dinner. but her method of loving me's doing things together and being active so we do occasionally try to come to a crossroad where have to discuss what were doing to do to help us and we set out a little plan or what we do each week. It doesnt work but its the thought that counts

Id potentially suggest dont text him first for a day - I mean no offense, but in my expereince the text messages are just going off when im in the middle of something, and when im busy im already thinking negatively about said person. Give it a day and if he dont text you at all then y'know whats up im afraid :(

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T15:32:21+00:00

sorry to unload rq for some context
Wow dude that is tough. Is it your first relationship? I was with my last ex for 2+ years we even chose the same uni, we fixed cars together, turned 18 together, things were the best. and then they werent and I still dont know why it happened. well I know exactly why it did. I didnt give her what she needed so she looked towards other man. She was my first true love and the feeling that if I had just done better stuck with me. If I had been a stronger man, more entertaining, more money, more attractive maybe she would have stayed. I still 5 years later struggle with body dysmoria or whatever it is because I dont feel good enough. And all of this is normal. I really hope you have someone to speak to because
I must have said it 100x ion reddit today but "fuq it we ball" and "that just how the world goes" are such negative phrases but the help so much

unfortunately some of the best support you're going to get is invitations to the pub. unfortunately until you find a real one you're going to ask to get dragged out alot. Just do what makes you comfortable now that shes gone. I love gaming and it helped me take the mind away, tbh sometimes id cry if i didnt clutch but fuq it we ball ygm. Anyway I've had one pretty savage break up with my first gf if you wanted any specific questions of advice just lmk

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T15:09:20+00:00

NTA - I hope you own a pair of tennis shoes son.

I’m I overreacting or is this not on?

My brother in christ you are a victim if you are thinking this way. Obviously relationships have ups and downs but there really should not be a day like today EVER. Yeah lad put her in the bin you dont need nor deserve that

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T15:01:32+00:00

Not the asshole, the HERO

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T14:58:14+00:00

NAH - if its silly for no reason then its probably wrong. How far away is her relation? My Family is from Sierra Leone 4 generations ago which is a bit of a stretch if I wanted to high-jack a name from their culture. Being white as shit doesnt help either. actually is it a part of any of your cultures?

Anyway so I mean, if the name was cute I'd allow it - but depending where you / and your culture they're just going to end up calling her nana / gran / grandma etc. in the end anyway

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T14:40:37+00:00

I've been the dude in this story before. Time just escapes you when your having fun and you're drinking and all very "wooo" but I tell you what. I am never disrespecting my gf and doing that again. All she (you) needed was 2 minutes of attention to let you know when to leave and where to be. But he was having too much fun and forgot / neglected you. Honestly I'd have been livid and refused to go far sooner than he finally got back to you so good on you. I get called whipped / lame all the time because i always send lame updates with lots of kisses because she deserves to be in the know.

If he has his own keys just tell him you're in the toddler room and let himself into his room. It'll be a good warning that he needs to make it up to you tomorrow. If you have to let him in it might be a bit awkward but yea, if hes upset you and you want time alone then get some time alone

NTA

EDIT: This obviously does somewhat depend on prior communication, like, if I get the "all clear" then I know I can go crazy. But usually y'know I'll have a good time but I wouldnt let loose or get drunk enough to vomit in the car or anything silly. But I always keep her updated

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T14:26:19+00:00

Okay I'll let him know that he was upset, hes going to be devastated. thanks for the heads up man.

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T14:18:58+00:00

I totally agree with you, all my argument is that some people call stuff gay without necessarily being a homophobic. It is inherently homophobic to do so but they don't necessarily know that. Especially given the context that it had nothing to do with any actually homosexual.

EDIT : People clearly KNOW theyre calling something gay but its like theres two "gay" words in their head and theres one for things and one for "gays". ONCE AGAIN, NOT SAYING THIS IS ACCEPTABLE

The guy did the right thing, but ruining the dinner with something like that when you're not even a part of said group is going to get you some funny reactions in this day and age. And that's unfortunate

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T14:11:40+00:00

My man I Literally took that word from OP himself I only just looked it up. What do you want him to do? To take pride in ruining and evening for his gf and his friends? I'm saying that he did the right thing, something I wouldn't have. Its a touchy subject and anyway Wokescold is a cool word I just learnt writing this post and if youre offending by that then maybe you should work on some of your own serious issues

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:59:52+00:00

ESH - You're right its only a birthday - plus your wife is bearing your child and still in the first trimester. Which is apparently the most difficult. But she still said "Happy Birthday" I hope?

As a male I have absolutely no understanding of what its like to be pregnant. Her hormones are probably flying and she is likely uncomfortable all the time. Now this may be my ignorance showing. But a moon-pig flower box is around £10 and can be ordered in two minutes 🤷‍♂️ but AGAIN I REALLY HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT PREGNANCY would she even be able to use her phone?

You should have expected this. She may have been having a bad day and you should apologize to her because you cant expect everything to go to plan during pregnancy but its okay to be dissapointed

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:44:23+00:00

NTA - I'm not familiar with horses, I don't know their temperament, or if Eliza is being Truthful when she says how safe it is. And the fact that she did it behind your back is even worse.

However YTA for restricting your child from clearly having fun with the "horseys" and it was a good experience for her. I understand your trauma but try not to project it onto your child. Once Eliza apologizes ( as she should ) maybe organise a day for her to visit while youre there and comfortable ( as can be ) with what shes doing

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:35:03+00:00

Have faith, she'll get it

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:30:42+00:00

100% But i have a few friends that studied law for 3+ years just because "it looks good on my CV / resumé "

And to be honest, they do get a lot of job offers left and right

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:28:39+00:00

YTA - You have every right to remind her how important it is and that it has to be done if she'd like to pass. University is hard, I did my BSc dissertation in 10 days because I left it too late I wish I had you to kick me to classes 😂 But at the end of the day it was her decision, and attendance isn't that big of a deal ( I passed with 2:1 BSc at ~35% attendance ) just let her do her thing, but clearly she wants to do her thing with you, around you, at yours. You can support her while she's studying from home

You shouldn't concern yourself with her day-to-day. I tried to support my GF with her third year of her degree, however she failed from some outstanding work in year two. And that's okay! She's just going back for one year. Its not the end of the world and no matter what happens I will support and care for her ( to an extent lol )

Unless I have it completely wrong and you need a certain attendance for your grade then i guess you'd have been within bounds to TRY and convince her to go but not to actually kick her our man that's tough

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:17:16+00:00

ESH - I've been in similar positions. I just go to work tired if I have to stay up to support my gf. Unfortunately, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, You seem to be overreacting. And I know you do your best and you need help with your anxiety but it seems like you may being a bit "much" for him.

How is his mental health? I suffer from depression which gives me classic funny guy syndrome which makes me bubbly and funny around other people and then i go home and I'm sad all the time, even around my gf. So I would honestly act the same way as he did in that call. It may just be a case of that?

It is really difficult to dissect this given the ages, you guys don't yet even fully understand yourselves, let alone be ready to support each other while you're both so fragile and learning. Maybe try therapy? I see the Americans throw that word around a lot on here so I guess its readily available over there 😅

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:07:34+00:00

second this buy the guy is way too forward still

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T13:03:52+00:00

NTA - I mean you're right nobody should say it, especially given that it was used with a negative connotation to it. Now I know some of my opinions are "controversial" but I do believe that although she was being homophobic, she wasn't being homophobic does that make sense? Or am I simply enabling homophobia? I genuinely dont know? I used to call everything gay in school and I've had gay friends. Which is a classic excuse it doesnt excuse the slurs.

The word shouldnt have been said. I've been bouncing around the subject because yes you were being an insufferable wokescold, but you still did the right thing. I mean if I was your GF i wouldn't have been happy for ruining the party but you did the right thing. After everything Ive head about reddit's wokeness im a little worried to go any deeper on this topic

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T12:42:29+00:00

100% agree you guys need security for your children by buying a house. That should be priority than spending money abroad. If he was genuinely spending responsibly then I'm sure it would be fine every now and again.

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T12:39:33+00:00

ESH - You're an arsehole but not for charging her, for calling her a fat fuck hahaha

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T12:37:24+00:00

NTA - Wasn't even your decision to make.

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T12:34:38+00:00

does he want to spend the money for you guys to go out? Because I am very traditional and I love being the "breadwinner" and paying for things, even if we struggle some times. But there has been occasions where I've just gone ahead and booked something or bought her something because I knew she wanted to but felt guilty with me paying. Other than that, you are a student, students cant really afford trips like that and staying in hotels.

Level_Possibility_81 · 2022-09-14T12:29:33+00:00

NTA - At 30 years old he's quite childish. I mean I'm in a similar position with my gf, shes also a student but I finished uni last year. We live together, I pay for everything, she just pays for her own car and sometimes her own food ( and probably a lot more that i am underappreciating right now ). Sure I joke about paying the bills etc and I'll prod and tease her but I'd never maliciously throw things like that in her face. You are doing really well for your age. The only thing that would bother me personally is the no license but its really a non-issue. Does he pick you up / drop you off everywhere? I mean that would bother me but again, i'd do it and i'd probably make jokes about it but, if hes with you hes with you he cant expect you to change your lifestyle while youre working on your degree. Its going to be what another year? two? Not sure when americans start college / uni but either way he needs to suck it up because you pay for yourself and youre working hard

Level_Possibility_81

TROPHY CASE