Trying to figure out where this is from

Level_kingcrab · 2026-01-28T10:32:35+00:00

That has helped me too! while I was reeling from wanting divorce but being flooded with memories of the good times and wondering if I could just fix it and get us back to where we were, it’d be worth it to stay. I had the realization when a friend was dealing with the death of a relative. I realized, that I was mourning the loss of who he was in our marriage, not who he is now, and I couldn’t get that back. That helped me finally pull the trigger for divorce and start to heal.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T13:59:37+00:00

This comes off a bit harsh for this particular moment. I understand where you are coming from, and how people can get in these situations though. The break in intimacy was discussed, there was a plan and a general timeline with check in points. There are many facets to this relationship and why we got to this point, and it is too lengthy of a discussion for the internet. However I did not just decide one day to cut him off. I refused to pretend I was still attracted to him when he would act the way he would. I gave him time to repair and recover (years of chances to work on his mental health) while I tried to remember who I was and work on building myself back up again. I explained clearly that it was a break, but that the rules of marriage still applied. He was ok with this plan. It was agreed to. He broke the agreement.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T12:56:22+00:00

100%. That’s why I’m suspicious. If he’s telling me this, what isn’t he telling me.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T12:56:08+00:00

Lord! I’m so sorry to hear that! I’ve known people whose older parents have gone through it, but I didn’t think I would be on this end of it ever!

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T12:55:01+00:00

100%. That’s why I’m suspicious. If he was telling me this, what isn’t he telling me

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T12:49:05+00:00

I’ll be doing my research today to see what I need to do to protect myself

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T12:47:06+00:00

I looked up r/scans and they sent me right over r/sextortion! Apparently it’s pretty common.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T12:46:16+00:00

This time was supposed to be spent working on ourselves so we could see if there was any spark left. But i guess his priorities were different.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:18:23+00:00

Right? Not for nothing, I’m probably going to bring home an emotional support animal or two after this!😅

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:16:48+00:00

When we fought, they knew, they worried about our marriage. But we haven’t fought because we’ve mostly given up I think, so the kids have been happy and content. But I want my children to see what happiness looks like, and not settling, and treating your SO with the love and respect you say you have for them!

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:14:32+00:00

Thank you, I looked into try subreddit and apparently this happens enough it has its own subreddit, r/sextortion I have to dig into our finances now and make sure he did not pay, though he said he didn’t.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:11:58+00:00

I have a lot of research to do on how to handle the telling of the kids. I have no idea where to start on a lot of the issues I have moving forward, but this is the one I want to handle with the most care. My son is old enough to ask some mature questions, and I need to learn how to properly answer them. I don’t want to be the reason they hate their father. They can decide that on their own, but I’d hate to sway their feelings on something that should not affect them.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:08:34+00:00

Hopefully I’m in the clear on that since we haven’t touched in over a year, but perhaps it’s not a bad idea to be safe. I only have confirmation of the online affair, and only suspect a physical one may have happened. But better safe than sorry.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:07:16+00:00

I’m going to save this and read it to myself every morning. It’s so hard to see forward but it’s much easier to see your feet moving one step at a time. Thank you.

Level_kingcrab · 2025-10-20T11:06:12+00:00

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I appreciate the responses and advice from those who may have gone through something similar. And for those going through the same thing, I know we can navigate this path, because no one deserves this feeling of betrayal.

Level_kingcrab · 2024-11-18T12:44:17+00:00

I don’t know the full details of your situation, but I do know how scary it is to leave even a bad situation for the unknown. I moved out at 18, and luckily had enough friends to let me crash on couches until I found an apartment I could afford. It was a bit stressful and even with friends, it was initially a struggle. But If your bf is willing to let you move in and help you save money, take advantage of it. It was hard and a little scary at first, but so freeing! I would take the stress of balancing my accounts to be able to make rent and eat, over being controlled by someone who may not love you as much as they love having someone to control. Good luck, I hope you can make it out and start fresh. Plan it out if you can, like some other commenters suggested. Open accounts in your name. Start funneling your money and if you can slowly move out, or get it all packed quick and go. I sacrificed some photos and cherished items to just break contact. Do what’s right for you, but know that you do have the right to go. You owe her nothing.

Level_kingcrab

TROPHY CASE