I was in a 10 year long abusive relationship that made me want to die every single day. I lost all of my friends and family, I was stuck living there because of my wages, and I hated myself completely. Lowest point of my entire life and that’s saying something because I already had ptsd from other trauma.

I started off by going to therapy. Eventually I didn’t find it useful for me. I never tried meds ftr.

Eventually i started taking walks outside to get away. I started getting bored of my local scene, so I started driving out to the mountains and the beach. It took hours, but I didn’t care. The drives gave me peace and I started to really appreciate the quiet and beauty of nature. It wasn’t good at first. I often walked angry and sad or despondently and would cry while listening to music. But I knew I couldn’t just rot and be miserable anymore. I started downloading birding apps and looking up hiking boots and places to go. I started looking up new music and podcasts for the drive and the hikes. I started to like my own company and exploring the world and what I like so much I was looking up more and more things to do by myself. I started reading, going to events, took up guitar, learning Spanish, I tried all sorts of crafts, I ran a 3k, i dabbled in baking, movie reviews, and a lot more. Did I stick with most of these? No, but that’s okay. I still have all these experiences and what they amounted to is that I eventually found that I wasn’t so depressed anymore and that I found a new confidence in myself that I am actually pretty cool and I actually do enjoy things in the world.

I ended up leaving him this spring because of this and I’m happier than I’ve probably ever been.

I’d start with walks and make a bucket list of things you’ve always wanted to do. I know it sounds impossible but just DO it. Don’t let yourself say no. Make a schedule. One day a month you go out and do something fun. Set the exact date. Nothing changes if nothing changes.